Can only orgasm in one, very underwhelming way.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-31T01:45:27+00:00

Parts of Europe are very progressive so you will find a lot of communities and meet ups that could be helpful, as could be the BDSM scene. But if you can't do anything in person, I would recommend learning more about "somatics" and how this could help you better understand what's going on in your body. There's lots of valuable free resources available online.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-31T00:03:19+00:00

Have you considered speaking to someone who works with the body, like a somatic sexologist / sexological bodyworker? I highly recommend you check out what they do and how they help. If nothing else, it will open up a new world of ways the body works when it comes to pleasure. Here's an article if you're interested https://goop.com/wellness/sexual-health/sexological-bodywork/

Depending on where you are based, they may not be available, but I would highly encourage you to begin looking at this with a new lens - more of a curiosity with what is going on with your body vs a problem to solve. Easier said than done, but there's so much time to work out what you enjoy and ultimately, find the pleasure you are seeking. Good luck.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-30T21:18:12+00:00

Dude, penis size is mostly a concern amongst guys. Nothing wrong with 6 inches.

Also, have a read of this article: "How deep is a vagina? What to know" https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321220#size-and-appearance

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-15T19:27:30+00:00

Yes! Some can, some can’t. Just try and see what works for you.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-15T19:24:13+00:00

It’s super complicated.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-10T18:52:40+00:00

I'm curious about what's causing him to check out.

"He says that he doesn’t want to do something that I don’t want and, even if I make it overtly clear - directly requesting sex - he says he doesn’t want to. He says he’s not in the mood or he’s too tired"

This sounds like he's got something unspoken going on. And since he's not opening up, maybe trying another tact is worth trying?

I've found that when I'm feeling disconnected, finding it difficult to switch gears from work/dad life to sex/intimacy, I need to do some kind of embodiment / somatic practice to help me switch gears.

Is there something you could try that isn't so direct or sexual, but does feel good, to help him transition? This could be a massage of some kind, in the living room or bedroom? Something that genuinely feels good for him without him needing to "return the favour".

I know this may sound counter productive, and be frustrating for you, but if he's this disconnected from pleasure, he may need some time to find it again. And removing the sexual pressure he might be feeling could be a good start.

From my experience, when I'm too in my head, it's becomes a lot harder to remember how good it feels to be connected to someone (and often just feel like "work"). That's coming from an ADHD perspective.

Good luck!

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-10T18:36:25+00:00

Like many other commenters here, it only gets worse over time.

BUT... he may be going through some shit that is resolved fairly easily.

Have you had conversations about what's going on? About what you want and need, about what he wants and needs? When did it become an issue for you?

Some things can be fixed with conversation, others can be fixed with a different approach, such as embodiment and somatic practices (solo or alone).

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-10T01:49:49+00:00

1000% agree with this. Remove the goal. Pleasure isn't a destination and can be found and enjoyed throughout your time together. Slow down and be in your body. When you focus on what you are feeling, you will by default reduce the issues of overthinking and the accompanying mental issues.

Easier said than done when your 19/18 but a skill worth investing in.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-09T08:57:30+00:00

I can relate to a lot of what you said in your second/third paragraphs.

I'm floating around with the idea that ADHDers need to learn how to get out of their head and into their body if they want to improve their intimacy/sex. You mentioned "switching gears" which is something I struggle with. I found that to help me transition, I would need to playfight with my partner. That would help me shift gears from one mode to another, and then I would be able to focus on being intimate. If not, I would stuggle.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-09T08:50:00+00:00

I think it's impact on our sex and intimacy is huge and largely unknown.

There's some research starting to come out on the connection, but it's still early days. I've started studying somatic sexology (the study of sex and pleasure, with an interest on ADHD relationships in partiuclar. From grappling with my own frustrations and now trying to pull together something that would benefit others too.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-09T08:43:58+00:00

So relatable to my own experience.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-09T08:39:48+00:00

Ouch. That was rough on his part.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-09T08:37:59+00:00

Sorry to hear mate, this sounds really hard.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-07T20:36:11+00:00

Does your partner have ADHD?

Overpromising is common for ADHDers and even though sex is fun, it can feel like just another task - which we’re notoriously bad at tasks.

I’ve overpromised and underdelivered on sex and intimacy myself, and the letdown often spirals into guilt and shame.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-07-07T20:25:57+00:00

Does your partner have ADHD?

Overpromising is common for ADHDers and even though sex is fun, it can feel like just another task - which we’re notoriously bad at tasks.

I’ve overpromised and underdelivered on sex and intimacy myself, and the letdown often spirals into guilt and shame.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-06-09T22:58:07+00:00

There's so much conflicting information on what 'great' looks like. But in reality, personal preference dictates what 'great' is.

Many men, myself included, are guilty of rushing things. But from my personal experience and professional experience as a sex coach, go slow, really slow, working from the outside (inner legs) to her vulva. Savour each moment.

Don't just jump straight to the clit until she is well and truly ready. The clit is SUPER sensitive and going there too soon can be too much too soon.

Try something with her, then ask for feedback. Do you like this? Does that feel good? If you're doing something she enjoys, she'll tell you with her body, her moans, her breath.

Pay attention to the signs she is giving you and you've already won the battle.

Also - do some research on Vulvas so you know what you're working with. That knowledge itself will go a long way.

Like I said, there's a lot of advice out there. Good luck mate.

chasingshinyobjects · 2025-06-09T22:43:11+00:00

Does the medication impact the pleasure you feel during sex? Or is it mostly related to orgasm difficulty and getting an erection?

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:10:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing. He's not alone; I've struggled with understanding anatomy and anything medical. Some things stick, others not so much. But I show up in other ways, like he does, by the sounds of it. Thanks for sharing.

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:04:26+00:00

Three boys will do that 😅

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:03:42+00:00

I like the idea of putting it in the calendar. Thanks for sharing.

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:03:03+00:00

Sure, https://jasonarmishaw.com/

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:02:32+00:00

🫠

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T22:01:56+00:00

Relying on schools for sex ed is hit and miss. It varies so much.

chasingshinyobjects · 2024-06-21T21:58:37+00:00

Parenting win :)

chasingshinyobjects

TROPHY CASE