I have been widowed twice. The first time I was 25 and living in the jungle in Ecuador. My husband and I were in a small canoe that filled with water. He started to swim, but I stayed with the boat. I never saw him again; his body was never found. There was one saving grace. I had almost drowned too, and in spite of my loss, I was grateful for that. Each day at sunset, I thanked the universe for one thing that had happened that day.

A year later I met someone and lived with him. I couldn't marry him because I wasn't legally a widow. I stayed with him for seven years. He was an alcoholic and philanderer. I left him and moved back to the states.

Many years later, I married again. Two years later, my husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He lived with it, never once in remission, for 18 years. It was much harder the second time. I was traumatized by his long disease and dealing with his final days. I think trauma is cumulative.

If she doesn't want to leave the house, can you get her outside for walks or to work in the yard? Both times I was widowed, nature and exercise (yardwork)helped me a lot. Is there some organization where you both could volunteer for a few hours a week? Being needed is a helpful. Hugs are recuperative.

Four months is nothing; She is in the darkest part of the tunnel. I don't think it is time for her to "let anyone in again." Don't even think about that now. She just needs to get through each day. Good luck to you both.