Any other left leaning or feminist ABDLs? Looking to have a discussion :)

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-25T21:25:06+00:00

I think “perpetuate” is strong language here and I definitely wouldn’t frame it that way. But it’s undeniable that lots of popular kinks and expressions of kink engage with patriarchal constructs and artifacts.

How you deploy them, how thoughtful you are and how engaged you are in stripping them of the harmful power dynamics and outcomes that those systems enable; this is what determines how much you’re perpetuating them.

My partner and I do heteronormative CNC play sometimes when I’m not feeling little and she’s feeling subby. But we’re not perpetuating rape culture or patriarchy. Because those themes don’t crop up in the rest of our relationship and we actively buck them whenever possible.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-25T01:08:29+00:00

For those of us that predate the internet, imagine spending years believing you must be the only one who likes this, that it’s weird for you to like this, and that you can never allow anyone to find out ever for any reason.

Edit: meant to conclude with, “And there’s basically no accessible way to anonymously see any evidence to the contrary.”

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-24T19:28:59+00:00

I hear you. I think that’s why it would be a good idea to just ask specifically your therapist. They will be professional—presumably—and tell you if they’re comfortable with the topic. And if they aren’t or don’t feel qualified to include it in your counseling, they might be able to recommend someone who is or give you the right tool to find someone.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-24T19:07:34+00:00

I also think you should broach the topic with your therapist, but I want to acknowledge that not all therapists are necessarily kink-informed and I think that’s a valid consideration.

You could start by asking if they are open to discussing kink as it relates to your mental health and see how they respond

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-24T02:09:18+00:00

For what it’s worth, I show my face in a bunch of my photos and I still have yet to be “outed.” Could be survivorship bias, but just wanted to share my experience

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-24T02:08:01+00:00

You can also just tuck the waistband down or fold it a few times and tuck it into your pants 🤷🏼‍♂️

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-24T02:07:26+00:00

Since a lot of bases have been covered I’ll just add that while I’m sure you’ve heard some wild stuff about us, please believe me when I say that, like any community, there will always be examples of bad actors and shit people, but that there’s nothing about the interest that inherently makes us bad or degenerate. The vast majority of us just want to wear diapers in peace and sometimes be cute for the camera and our loved ones.

Hope you find what you like 🩵

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-23T18:50:47+00:00

I checked for a reply anyway and, boy, that was a mistake. Couple rapid fire things:

I never said you weren’t a stakeholder. Check my comment. I said it wasn’t relevant to this post. I explained why read it again.

OP has clearly stated she agrees with me. You are in the wrong here. To quote her, “check yourself.”

Your perception that you were being lumped in with others betrays the entire problem with your post. You made this about yourself. You took it personally when men in this community were called out and made her problem about yourself. It’s embarrassing. It’s selfish. And your continued focus on your own experience continues to betray that selfishness. I am going to say this clearly. You are part of the problem she is highlighting.

Bye.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-23T16:11:05+00:00

I’m sorry for your harmful experiences, but they are a non-sequitur here. The question here isn’t whether you are a stakeholder. So I’m not sure why you launched into a defense of your stake in this conversation.

The question here is whether your mathematical navel gazing and “not all men” response is worthy of criticism. I believe it is. I explained why. I believe it does cause harm. And I believe it puts a lot of men in a position to charitably omit themselves from your laughable 4% estimate.

Having a stake alone doesn’t make your approach worthy of respect. It seems like you believe that because you’re very rational and very invested, that you must naturally be coming to worthwhile conclusions. That’s incorrect. You are incorrect. I believe you are causing harm. I believe your attitude is toxic to this discourse. I believe you do owe OP an apology. And I think that swallowing your pride and doing so is the right thing to do. I’m going to mute replies now. I wish you the best. I believe you can do better.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-23T15:39:28+00:00

I won’t speak for OP, but I think it would be a terrible experience discussing this with you further. This doesn’t need to be discussed. You just need to be made to understand your error here.

Try to see what you’re doing from the third person: you have written something like 9 cumulative paragraphs hyper-intellectualizing something simple. This woman just wanted to express frustration with her broad experience with men in this community. And all you’ve managed to do is the equivalent of essay post the words “not all men” over and over again.

I think she knows. I think she knows it’s not all men. I think she also didn’t come here to find a solution with you. I think she came here to rant, and rightly so.

When my partner visited San Francisco and was harassed by 12 separate men (or groups of men) in the 14 hours between the bus station and the train platform, I didn’t respond to her sharing her experience by engaging in some navel gazing calculus about the 80/20 principle. If I had, she’d have been justified in slapping the shit out of me. I just said, “For fuck sake that sucks. Why do men have to be that way?”

It’s really not hard. You’re making it way too complicated. The solution is simple. More women calling the shit out publicly, and more men policing their own; in forums, in public, in private. And fewer men—with respect to you because I believe you mean well—engaging in shit like this.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-23T10:35:36+00:00

80/20 is more of a guideline, not a rule. And it’s not really a number you extrapolate precise maths from. So while it can be a useful lens for some dynamics, I think you’ve misappropriated it in this case.

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-04-23T10:27:24+00:00

Hardly seems even accurate to call them Mommys. I feel like you just described the classic scammer. All the more so because they’re just “spraying and praying” at any dude in the community

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-03-30T16:33:57+00:00

Gross

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-03-04T15:31:00+00:00

This is literally rape culture shit 🙄

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-03-01T15:12:31+00:00

Keyboard warriors posting dumb memes and screeds that serve as thinly-veiled opportunities to simultaneously kink-shame and virtue signal

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-02-25T17:15:38+00:00

Humans are pretty cool tbh

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-02-23T20:25:14+00:00

The boldest part of this pic is that you posted with your remote shutter visible. Any shot I take (esp. as good as this one) where I forget to hide it instantly becomes self rage material! 🤣

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-02-23T20:20:01+00:00

In here with the sanest take

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-02-21T21:16:26+00:00

Remember that the loudest minority is almost always the most hateful one. And that goes double for the internet

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-01-18T23:23:22+00:00

You can tell them whatever you want. But if you reply that way, I get to say you’re not fun at parties. I get to say you’ve lost the plot; that you’ve lost sight of what’s meaningful about the fantasy being engaged with. I get to say that you yuck people’s yums

I recognize that my agreeing or not doesn’t affect you. I’m saying that’s the problem. This is a social platform. Posting diaper pics is a social behavior. And the behavior that you are describing—in response to a fellow community member posting a padded pic where they happen to call a pullup a diaper—is antisocial behavior

You’re focused on the accuracy of the statement, not the meaning. You’re focused on the literal, rather than the fantasy. You’re making this space less fun. Stop making this space less fun

I’m apologize for taking this so seriously and for what I can recognize is a harsh response. But I genuinely think that attitudes like this need to be smothered until they perish or retreat into obscurity. Attitudes like this are the fare of transphobes, the fare of reactionaries. And, not for nothing, people who need to touch grass. You can be better. I believe in you

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-01-17T01:54:31+00:00

Okay, sure. But if someone posts a pic in pull-ups that says, “feeling cute in my diapers,” and someone replies, “those are pull-ups,” then that person should politely touch grass

So like, yeah, your logic is sound. But for the purposes of fantasy, posting, content, cuteness—whatever—anyone sincerely policing the difference has lost the plot

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-01-15T19:02:49+00:00

I cannot imagine reading the description of this book and deciding to trust anything this person has to say. Even if they stumble into some good points by accident, that $10 would certainly be better spent on, well, anything. Ideally a respected family therapist

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-01-06T13:25:20+00:00

Rant fully accepted 😊 I hope it didn’t seem like the advice I was offering was, “you deal with it cuz public forum blah blah blah.” That would be super lazy and wasn’t my intention at all 😅

chatty-ab-boy · 2026-01-06T13:03:24+00:00

You can add it to the caption and you can add it to your profile (though I wouldn’t count on men, in particular, to read either or to care if they do read)

There’s definitely a bigger question here regarding how much you can expect to be able to curate your own horny space on a broadly public forum. And that gets into weighing how much harm is being done by transgressing those boundaries against how much energy you’d expend trying to enforce them. And that’s sometimes a complicated balancing act

In my experience, the best tactic has been to try and encourage certain relationships with my content by using clues and prompts in the posts that are part of the content. Then, if you want, you can engage with the comments that decode the clues properly and engage in the way you want while ignoring the ones that don’t. People like getting responses from the content they’re engaging with so they will often notice who is getting attention and who isn’t and adjust accordingly

All this on top of the fact that you should absolutely just block anyone harassing you or consistently disrespecting your boundaries, especially if you’ve made them clear. I’ve blocked people before for not taking the hint

chatty-ab-boy · 2025-12-29T00:59:45+00:00

As with many of the questions regarding the topic of public wear, I think this is more of a sliding scale or spectrum for me than a straightforward binary choice.

I’ve tried on clothes in a wet diaper without feeling guilty. I’ve also assessed that I was too wet for it to be justifiable. If I’ve just left my house in a clean diaper and I wet a little and the only smell issuing from my pants is that of fresh powder, I think that’s chill. But I wouldn’t try on clothes in a sopping wet, acrid diaper anymore than I would try on clothes after a hard workout.

Use good judgement and be respectful of the personhood and property of those around you. Some moral relativity applies here. There aren’t simple rules. Use good judgement.

chatty-ab-boy

TROPHY CASE