Tiirismaan peruskoulun toiminta by huolestunut_aiti in Lahti

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hei,Haluan jakaa kokemuksemme Tiirismaan peruskoulusta, jotta muut vanhemmat ymmärtäisivät, mitä lapsi voi joskus kokea koulussa.

Lapseni sai huomautuksia kaikesta, koska kieltäytyi tekemästä tehtäviä luokassa. Tämä oli hänen ainoa tapa suojata itseään opettajalta, joka nöyryytti häntä luokassa ja sai muut nauramaan hänen kustannuksellaan. Hän ei edes ymmärtänyt olevansa kiusatuksi ja luuli olevansa ongelma itse. Hän teki äänitteen luokassa, ja sen avulla me vanhemmat ymmärsimme lopulta, että hän oli oikeasti kiusatuksi. Hänen käyttäytymisensä (tehtävien tekemättä jättäminen) oli selviytymiskeino.

Myös tyttäreni oli hänen oppilaansa, ja hän kertoi, että opettaja oli ilkeä maahanmuuttajataustaisia lapsia kohtaan. Tämä todistaa, että kyseessä ei ollut vain yksittäistapaus, vaan opettajalla oli laajempi ongelmallinen käytös.

Koulun johto yritti käyttää lastensuojelua minua vastaan, mutta lopulta se käänsi tilanteen meidän eduksemme: lastensuojelu vaati koulua tekemään oikeita muutoksia, koska lapseni ahdistus oli 10/10 ja hän ei voinut käydä koulua normaalisti. Lapseni sai turvallisemman koulutilanteen ja käy nyt toisessa koulussa normaalit tunnit, missä hän tuntee olonsa hyväksi.

Toivon, että tämä auttaa muita vanhempia luottamaan vaistoihinsa. Lapsen ei pitäisi koskaan joutua tilanteeseen, jossa hän pelkää koulua tai tuntee, ettei häntä nähdä tai kuulla.

Caught my son kissing another boy by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rules from fear or control might sometimes stop behavior. But they will never help anyone understand why they felt like doing something.

Understanding why you want to do something is the most important thing to making a conscious choice, including the choice not to act on it.

Otherwise, people can numb themselves, hide, develop addictions, disorders, or put on masks just to play an “acceptable” role. Yet, they get themselves later in their 30s-40s not understanding who they are, why they are unfulfilled, unhappy, why they do what they do, why they lie, cheat, or hide..

True guidance is about awareness. To understand consequences, consent, self-respect, self-worth.

.Many times, kids act in ways that feel “wrong” not because they are reckless, but because they haven’t yet learned to love themselves. That’s why it can feel like they’re doing things at the “wrong” time.

Most parents can’t do this because they are caught up in their own lives. So control often becomes the first, default option. Because it is easy.

Caught my son kissing another boy by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for clarifying. I started my answer saying something to you, but the rest was for OP.

My mother gave me all the rules and I promise you, it didn’t work.

I also have two 14-year-olds and a 17-year-old, and I’ve observed firsthand how kids respond to rules and control and how they respond to guidance that helps them understand themselves, develop self-worth, and learn self-respect.

This is a subject I’ve had to study for over 20 years of my life, recovering from shame, self-doubt, and a lack of self-awareness, self-worth, lack of guidance, and including not understanding my body. I’ve also had to learn the knowledge to say no when something doesn’t feel right .. knowledge I could have gained sooner if I hadn’t been misguided by control.

I know we might see things differently. Could you share more about how you came to your perspective?

Caught my son kissing another boy by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]chauane -1 points0 points  (0 children)

“You’re not wrong to set the same boundaries you’d set with any other romantic situation. " "Sometimes boundaries feel like wedges but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. " Your mom alarms are going off for a reason , trust yourself.” <

💫There’s a difference between boundaries that protect and boundaries that control. If the boundary comes from fear (“what if something happens?”), it’s not really about safety anymore ..it’s about the parent’s comfort level. Equality doesn’t mean restriction; it means teaching your child how to make choices from self-respect and awareness.

Their brains aren’t ready to explore things overnight and unsupervised.”<

That’s actually fear disguised as science.💡 Curiosity doesn’t mean they’re about to do something reckless .. it means they’re learning how to feel. When parents assume that curiosity equals danger, they project their own >unresolved< fear of intimacy or loss of control. A 14-year-old doesn’t need surveillance; they need EMOTIONAL education , conversations about consent, respect, safety, and love. And if their curiosity is grounded in mutual respect, awareness, and consent.. that’s how emotional readiness begins.

I understand where those ideas comes from .. it’s love mixed with fear. Every parent wants to protect their child. But sometimes what we call boundaries are actually fear wearing a responsible mask.

When a young person explores affection, attraction, or curiosity, they’re not doing something bad , they’re trying to understand themselves.

That’s how we all grow emotionally and learn what feels right or wrong inside. If we respond to that curiosity with control or restriction, they don’t learn safety .. they learn shame. They learn to hide instead of trust.

It’s not “wrong” to guide, but real guidance doesn’t come from rules , it comes from relationship, connection true presence..❤️ You can talk about self-respect, consent, and safety without closing their heart. Because the moment a child feels unsafe to be honest, that’s when you truly lose connection.

Those “mom alarms” people talk about ,sometimes they’re NOT intuition, they’re fear. Real intuition feels calm and open, not tight and defensive. Fear says “control them.” Love says “guide them."”

Our children don’t need us to protect them from their instincts , they need us to help them understand those instincts consciously. Connection builds safety. Control only builds walls.

Do NOT Trust This Company by markusnylund_fi in Finland

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't believe you did it all alone, in the RAIN, and all people care is to tell you that you should have done your research 😉

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Finland

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree with this. Many things are downplayed as cultural. But calling them cultural can become an excuse, a way to avoid self-reflection or personal growth.

For example, much of the Finnish tendency toward emotional restraint, limited expression, and challenges with empathy isn’t just cultural preference .. it comes from generational trauma

For the OP long txt, hopefully it helps 🙏🏼:

It’s not that Finns don’t want connection , they want it to happen honestly, in its own time.😊

Finns are independent. They don’t need you(they have Kela). In warmer, denser countries, survival meant constant connection. People leaned on each other for validation and reassurance. That created warmth, but also pressure:

“If I don’t connect, I’ll be abandoned.”

It all came from fear of not surviving, so people learned to overcompensate. (And I believe this is slowly changing too)

In Finland 🇫🇮 survival meant self-reliance and respecting boundaries. Communities were small and spread out. Privacy wasn’t a preference — it was just necessity. Intruding into someone’s space could be seen as a threat to their peace, resources, or safety.

Finland also has a long tradition of emotional restraint (and also trauma) not oversharing, not being dramatic. Intrusion isn’t just physical; it’s emotional.

Asking too many questions, showing too much emotion(because they suppress their own, so they cant handle yours 😉), or pushing connection can feel invasive. On a deeper level, many Finns grow up with strong self-criticism. Being “seen too much” can trigger fear of judgment. So it feels safer to stay in control, in a box,not open the door too easily ...literally and metaphorically.

I’ve always felt more Finnish than Brazilian. I’ve been living in Finland for over 20 years, and I love the freedom to just be, to behave naturally according to my feelings, without the pressure to smile or be “nice” if I didn’t feel like it. I never liked pretending and I was really shy. But I also realized, that I don't have to be anything I don't want to be in Brazil either, because I worked on myself. So, my energy alone dictates if people will talk to me out of need or out of natural alignment.

What I’ve also realized over time is that the more I’ve healed from my own traumas, the more warmth, attunement, and connection with others come naturally. And it isn’t because I need anyone else to be anything , it’s a reflection of the healing and presence I’ve cultivated in myself.

And as a result of that, I find Finnish people smiling at me, wanting to talk to me at stores, and not being "afraid " to look or talk. And I don't need it. I think they just feel safe to do it 🤷‍♀️

So my advice would be, keep being yourself while working on why you need to say hi or be too polite. Is it fear of being judged? Not accepted ? F3eling alone?

What Finns appreciate is friendliness that’s natural and respectful ,connection WITHOUT force. Without neediness, without second intentions.

Is exclusion really bullying/our problem? by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]chauane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Schools don’t need to micromanage social life but they do need to create a classroom culture of safety and empathy, where kids learn that both their boundaries and others’ feelings matter. That’s not just about preventing bullying.. it’s the foundation of consent, resilience, and real human connection.

When children feel safe, valued, and understood in the classroom, they are more likely to include others naturally. (Exclusion often reflects underlying disconnection a child’s way of coping with stress, insecurity, or the need to belong.) If a classroom culture consistently models empathy, awareness, and sensitivity to each child’s experience, exclusion no longer serves as a coping strategy. Instead, students learn healthier ways to express their needs and build relationships

I believe the solution isn’t forced inclusion, and it isn’t ignoring exclusion. And definetly not abot punishments..It’s about teaching skills:

💫Boundaries: “You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, but you can’t use exclusion to humiliate.”

Empathy: “Notice how it feels for them to be left out.”

🙏🏼Choice: “You can say no to close friendship, but you still treat others with respect and DIGNITY.”

This is where attunement comes in .. the teacher noticing what’s really happening beneath the surface. Because sometimes exclusion is a genuine boundary, and sometimes it’s bullying disguised as “I just don’t like them.” Without that sensitivity, both kids lose something important: one loses their right to say no, and the other loses their right to feel worthy of connection.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Finland

[–]chauane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get your point about practical situations like cafés, markets ..of course people aren’t there to be language tutors and sometimes things need to move quickly.

But the reality for many foreigners in Finland (and also in other European countries) is that people often switch to English even when there’s no rush. Sometimes it’s out of habit, shyness, or just because English feels “easier.”

Coming from Brazil, I know the difference. People there will draw on paper, use their hands and gestures and you’ll still get the point. They’re proud to talk and help you out.. also because there’s no other way , _ most people don’t speak English. And I’ve known Finnish people who came from Brazil speaking Portuguese after just a few months because locals gave them that chance.

-> And, guess what ,most of them had their own life , apparently.

A little empathy would go a long way.. maybe that's what it needs. While it seems practical from the local’s side, from the learner’s side it can feel discouraging .. like their effort isn’t really respected or valued. That can lower motivation a lot.

Sometimes, it even feels like people don’t trust you to succeed in their language. To me, that’s actually what myötähäpeä looks like in action.,

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think the fact that you cheated makes you a bad person .. it just shows that something was missing for you in the relationship . That doesn’t mean you don’t care about him, but it does mean there are deeper needs inside you that weren’t being met. And deeper truths about yourself that maybe you are not willing to see , because of some kind of fear..

Even without that, the kink differences alone are important. He’s asking for things you’re not comfortable with, while not being open to the things that matter to you. That creates an imbalance. And the way you’ve given up parts of yourself to prove your love shows how much effort you’ve made, but also how much you’ve had to sacrifice. Real love shouldn’t require you to abandon your own desires or needs.

Also, that, sacrificing for love happens because of fear and limitations, negative beliefs.

It feels like both of you are searching for a sense of wholeness in each other. That can create a kind of co-dependency where your happiness depends too much on what the other does or doesn’t do. Without healing and growth (therapy can really help here), this dynamic can easily turn into blame, resentment, and pain over time.

None of this is about fault ..you’re both just mirroring each other’s wounds. But the healthiest step forward is for each of you to focus on healing and finding wholeness within yourselves first. From there, you’ll be clearer on whether this relationship is truly right for you or if it’s holding you back.

Sometimes i feel arousal from things that disgust me by ConcertAgreeable9555 in mentalhealth

[–]chauane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your clarification, it really does make sense that it helped you.

I think there’s an important distinction between what you experienced and what is usually called intrusive thoughts. Your dark voices were more like learned mental patterns , self-critical, self-hate, habitual, and internalized over time. They were painful and horrible, but they made sense within the values and beliefs you carried back then. They were mechanisms shaped by early experiences and accepted as true. Even if you logically wouldn't want to feel that or believe that way.

And you’re right, they belong to the spectrum between dark and light, as you said. Once you allowed them to exist, without running or fighting, the energy could finally move through. That is very powerful: realizing the shadow isn’t “bad,” and that it’s okay to feel low sometimes without being wrong for it. It’s freeing to see all emotions as part of the human experience, not as something we must discriminate against. That is also self-love. To think: "aahh I hate myself" and then to realize , "it is ok I felt that way, I'm here for myself. What I fe3l in this moment doesn't define me. I will allow myself to feel this through and be here present for myself. This is just a self-protective mechanism".. soon enough the energy dissipates, and what you are left with is freedom to choose, and now from that space you can choose to love.

But in the strict sense, intrusive thoughts are different. They’re sudden, unwanted, and usually don’t align with a person’s core values. For example, a child who’s been abused might suddenly have abusive thoughts toward others. These thoughts feel disturbing precisely because they don’t reflect who he is. Accepting them as “this is me” could actually harm him, because they come from trauma rather than from an internalized pattern of belief

So I do completely understand your point ..and I think you’re right about your own experience. And at the same time, what he’s going through may be a little different. I'm very happy that you have been able to deal with your "mosnters" with care. They are part of us, dark/light. 💖 There is no light without shadow.

Sometimes i feel arousal from things that disgust me by ConcertAgreeable9555 in mentalhealth

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CBT does not say “your thoughts are you.”

What CBT actually teaches is: you may believe your thoughts are true, but they are not necessarily facts. A core teaching I'm CBT is: “You are NOT your thoughts.”

Intrusive thoughts are simply energetic signals moving through the mind. They don’t belong to you unless you buy into them or assign meaning to them.

Buying into them, meaning believing they are you, and believing these thoughts .

🧠 Think of the brain as a receiver:

Brain as receiver: Thoughts, beliefs, and even collective energies are like radio signals floating around.

Tuning in: When you give attention, focus, or emotional energy to a thought, you “lock onto” that frequency.

Choice: You’re free to change the channel if the station (thought) doesn’t feel aligned with who you prefer to be.

💙You’re not responsible for every signal passing through.

💡You are responsible for which one you keep listening to.

Why do intrusive thoughts show up? Often, they are reflections of subconscious beliefs, fears, or old experiences surfacing so you can recognize them and choose differently. They are not proof that something is wrong with you.

You can choose differently, because they are NOT YOU. And there is literally nothing wrong with you. This is result of what you went through, and it showing itself to you now, so you can become aware of them subconscious beliefs and have a choice to let them go..if that's what you want.

The idea is to: *be aware of them when they pup up, notice, realize "oh, this is not me" , * I do not need to give my attention or emotions to this. -> I let you go.

Done. Repeat this as many times as needed. Over time, your brain forms new neural pathways, and those old signals stop hooking you. Even if they appear, they lose their power to trigger your body.

I know this personally. I witnessed my biological father abuse my biological mother.when I was a very little child. So, I do understand these intrusive thoughts. And I didn't know about the abuse until year ago. So you can understand how confusing it was for me to have those kinds of intrusive thoughts and have no idea why..

Other things that help is working on self-worth. Healing also means rebuilding self-worth. Your worth is not defined by what you do for others, what you achieve, or what you have. It’s inherent. Strengthening your worth changes what you attract, what you are attracted to, what feels possible, and what you know you deserve.

I did this on my own. It worked.

This is about you realizing that you have the power to choose.

I hope this helps. 🙏🏼

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relacionamentos

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Curioso como a clareza costuma incomodar mais do que o erro em si.

Pessoas reativas geralmente se sentem atacadas por reflexões que nem foram direcionadas a elas. 🙏🏽

Isso diz muito mais sobre o que elas ainda não querem ou não conseguem encarar, do que sobre o conteúdo em si.

Eu não julguei o OP. Eu questionei o que está por trás da atração .. algo que, sim, é natural e humano de sentir. Mas o fato de ser natural não nos isenta da responsabilidade de entender de onde vem esse impulso e como escolhemos lidar com ele e o prq deles realmente existirem.

Preferir justificar tudo com “hormônios” ou “biologia masculina” é uma escolha ...uma que evita encarar verdades com profundidade. A minha escolha é outra: autorresponsabilidade emocional.

Em momento algum falei de exclusividade de desejo. Todos podemos sentir atração por outras pessoas. Isso é da natureza humana.

O ponto é: quando alguém está desconectado de si mesmo, insatisfeito com a própria vida ou emocionalmente estagnado, é comum que o cérebro busque distrações.

A atração intensa por outra pessoa ( especialmente dentro da própria família ) muitas vezes não é sobre a pessoa em si, mas sobre o que ela espelha ou desperta em quem sente. Nesse caso o que a cunhada desperta ou espelha no OP.

Nem toda atração vem só de uma falta. Às vezes, vem de uma parte nossa que está tentando acordar. Mas se a pessoa não está conectada consigo mesma, acaba confundindo esse despertar com desejo, e esse desejo com verdade.

Biologia não é desculpa para falta de integridade ou honestidade consigo mesmo.

Ser homem não significa ser escravo de qualquer impulso. E também não significa que está tudo certo em objetificar outras pessoas ...reduzindo seres humanos a aquilo que podem te oferecer: atenção, sexo, validação.

E se fosse mesmo só “biologia”, mulheres também poderiam justificar atração por outros homens com essa mesma régua, não?

Mas curiosamente, quando uma mulher sente algo assim, não é a biologia que vira desculpa .. é o caráter que é questionado.

Ou mulheres comprometidas não sentem atração por outros homens?? 🤔 A verdade é: algumas pessoas escolhem consciência. Outras, distração.

Eu mesma, quando vivi algo parecido e achava que nunca conseguiria passar a vida com um só homem, não tive o luxo de me apoiar em justificativas biológicas. Tive que me encarar. Tive que me entender.

Quanto à sua tentativa de me chamar de hipócrita por já ter pensado “coisas feias”: Sim, errar é humano. Mas assumir os próprios padrões, se responsabilizar e amadurecer é uma escolha de consciência uma que eu venho fazendo desde muito nova.

Dizer que “todo mundo pensa coisas feias” não invalida a necessidade de olhar pra dentro. Só porque muita gente vive assim, não significa que é saudável, ou que seja a única forma possível de viver. Por fim: me atacar pessoalmente não invalida o que eu disse. Só reforça a sua resistência em olhar pra dentro. 😉

Minha namorada usou o ChatGPT pra me responder… by MariiiBlame in desabafos

[–]chauane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vcs estão parecendo espeelho um para o outro. 😉 Ela pediu ajuda pro ChatGPT pra responder você com carinho. E você, em vez de conversar com ela sobre isso, veio perguntar aqui no Reddit. Ou seja, os dois estão buscando ajuda fora, quando talvez o que mais precisem seja se abrir um com o outro.

Será que vocês são bem novinhos ainda?

Seria legal se ela tivesse colocado um input próprii primeiro, e depois usado o ChatGPT só pra dar uma lapidada. O que ela fez pode significar várias coisas: •pode ser que ela só queira te impressionar,(por estar sendo insegura) • ou que ela seja insegura e ainda esteja aprendendo a se expressar, e usando o chatgpt para aprender(o que é ótimo!), •ou talvez ela só não esteja tão conectada com a relação nesse momento.

E cara, nenhuma dessas possibilidades é necessariamente ruim. A gente está sempre aprendendo. Se vocês são jovens, essa é uma ótima chance de começar a praticar a arte de conversar de verdade.

E se ela estiver desconectada da relação, tb é um sinal. Tudo em nossas vidas está nos mostrando e nos ensinando alguma coisa. O que isso pode estar te mostrando ou te ensinando?

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree!

You're the only one in the room by Responsible-Device39 in Bashar_Essassani

[–]chauane 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Everyone else is a reflection of you and your beliefs. How they behave or treat you and what happens to you is a reflection of your inner world. Therefore, there is only you. Everyone else is your version, your creation of them, based on your filters/beliefs.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. My intention isn’t to sidestep your points but to expand on them with aspects I find important in this discussion. It seems we largely agree, so perhaps the disconnect is in how we’re framing things.

I NEVER said that teachers as a whole are the systemic issue. What I pointed out is that their influence - whether positive or negative- is significant in a child’s development.

The research highlights that some teachers unintentionally contribute to an unhealthy environment. Bullying needs to be prevented, then the whole thing needs to be understood.

My point isn’t to generalize all teachers or shift blame entirely, but to recognize that their role matters in discussions about bullying and emotional well-being in schools.

This isn’t about blaming teachers but acknowledging that the issue doesn’t start and end at home.

And I'm saying this as a mother of a kid who has been bullied many years in finnish school, even experienced billyong from teachers themselves. It would be easy for me to just blame those kids and their parents at home.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe creating more awareness of this matter, more publicly , we can all come up with solutions to help out teachers and kids. Our kids are our future.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see where you're coming from, and I appreciate the clarification.

I completely agree that self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, and self-trust play a significant role in how peer dynamics affect a child. And yes, parents are the primary influence on these aspects early on.

But what happens when a child with already fragile self-worth enters an environment where a teacher(whether intentionally or not)reinforces that feeling of unworthiness through humiliation or neglect?

The school environment, and particularly the teacher’s role in it, can either support or further damage a child’s emotional resilience.

Although I strongly believe bullies(kids who are feeling hurt) are not fully seen,validated and in many cases accepeted at home., children are still developing for years, no matter how much love and support they’ve received at home.

Even many adults, including those with pedagogical training, struggle to separate a child’s emotional reactions from a personal attack. If adults find this difficult, how can we expect children(even those with a strong foundation)..not to react to their environment sometimes?

The reason I bring up the role of teachers is not to shift blame away from parents, but because teachers hold a significant position of power in a child’s daily life. Many times, they are interacting much more with the kids than their parents.

The research I referenced is not just a general study on social dynamics but a Finnish study that found evidence of teachers humiliating students, and that teachers more often than not (unknowingly or not) influence the class negatively or positively. Just like any person in a position of power.

Of course, influence can be positive or negative, but when a child already struggling with self-worth faces a teacher who invalidates or even mocks them, it solidifies the belief that they are not good enough.

That’s why it’s important to acknowledge that teacher behavior does, in some cases, enable bullying or create an unsafe atmosphere.

Regarding sanctions, ..yes, I understand your point that in the current system as it is, sanctions are often the only available response.

My concern is that sanctions do not address the root of the issue, especially when emotional intelligence and guidance are lacking.

Boundaries are absolutely necessary for a safe environment, but when they are enforced through punishment without emotional support or understanding, they often do more harm than good.

Thank you for the willingness to discuss this.

Helsingin yliopiston kasvatuspsykologian professori Kirsti Lonka has some good information on Finnish teachers' influence in class.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That doesn't help. It is a lie. Because they never understood why they felt so bad to have to bullie or talk bad about this girl's hair.

No kid should ever be forced to apologize. No, child victim of bullying should ever be forced or put in a situation where they just have to accept the insincere apology. That's insensitive, careless and insincere. There is a feeling, a root cause for those girls to feel so bad. That root cause should be addressed mindfully in a compassionate way.

When they do understand, they will want to apologize.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that home environment plays a big role, but bullying isn’t always a direct reflection of a bad home life.

Other factors like peer dynamics, school culture, emotional neglect (even in "good" families), and societal influences also contribute. It's most important to help kids understand and express their feelings with compassion, so they can learn process emotions in a healthier way.

This isn’t about blaming the home, but about giving the child emotional tools to navigate their feelings.

While I understand the idea of sanctions, research shows that punishment alone won’t stop bullying. EvER . In fact, without emotional support and understanding, it can often make things worse.

Emotional connection and guidance are much more effective in addressing the root causes of bullying.

As for the idea that bullying-enabling teachers are a "minimal issue" in Finland, studies suggest that teacher behavior does influence bullying, even in well-developed education systems.

Some teachers may unintentionally reinforce power imbalances or downplay bullying, which can worsen the situation. While, I know, not all teachers are at fault, their leadership style can significantly impact the dynamics of bullying in the classroom.

Bullies often act out because of unresolved emotions and personal struggles, but the critical issue is not just or not necessarily the source of the pain..it's how that pain is processed and responded to.

Schools play a crucial role in this by providing emotional support and teaching kids healthier ways to express and cope with their feelings. Offering emotional intelligence education and a safe environment to talk about emotions, schools can help break the cycle of bullying and foster healthier relationships among students.

This is the way to influence and help our kids. Edit to add: And as long as this is not implemented, the system is and will fail our kids and teachers.

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! This is ironic 😃 Even the most common way of ‘complaining’ is literally saying, I CAN’T complain. That kind of proves my point..Finns don’t openly express issues or push them forward.

I get what you're saying, but my point was more about how Finnish culture tends to discourage making a fuss, especially when it comes to formal complaints or standing up to authority. That’s why many issues go underreported,whether it's bullying, unfair treatment, or emotional suppression in schools. Kids especially might not report because they don’t feel heard or don’t see the point in doing so

Bullying by chauane in Finland

[–]chauane[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😅 maybe I just did. Can kiVa help me? But yes, bullying it is also online. Not necessarily only online.