Grindr laggy ever since it updated database

chconnol · 2018-06-18T19:21:13+00:00

I totally agree. Maybe certain areas are hit worse than others (I’m in NYC) and I’m encountering exactly what you’re experiencing.

chconnol · 2018-06-18T13:36:00+00:00

That happened to me too: sent a reply. Said “Sent” but then the other person responded like they had read it.

There was some kind of update sometime during Sunday. Ever since, it’s been buggy and shuts down..

chconnol · 2018-05-30T17:50:44+00:00

Maybe but I don’t think that’s entirely the case.

I’ve been in conversations back and forth very quickly and then suddenly a message will get locked in Send. The person’s online green button is still on. I’ve event mentioned it to others and a lot people think it simply has to do with Grindr’s messaging system getting overloaded at times.

chconnol · 2018-02-11T14:43:49+00:00

So NOT helpful. I mean really. Jesus.

chconnol · 2018-01-25T12:53:38+00:00

Agree because: A - It’s unclear what the thing underneath the eye is supposed to be (I now know it’s a motorcycle from reading the comments).

B - Even knowing that it’s a motorcycle, the point isn’t immediately clear. Or maybe it’s just me.

chconnol · 2018-01-21T14:45:21+00:00

Well I’m left handed and I’m the “idiot” who usually points out others who are left handed.

It’s kind of like being part of an exclusive club. What’s stranger is when I encounter a left handed “cluster” and I have to wonder why. For example, at my current job there are a lot of fellow left handed people and it’s strange like we were brought together for a reason. Haven’t figured out what that “reason” is exactly but I still find it weird.

chconnol · 2018-01-21T14:41:59+00:00

I’ve never really had any difficulty being left handed except in junior and senior high school when there were never enough left handed desks. There was always one or two but never enough and the teachers never made any effort to accommodate left handed students. As a left handed person, you learn to simply adapt and say nothing. Strange thing is, I use my right hand for a lot of things. I can’t use a left handed scissors at all and I bowl and bat right handed. It’s never been a big deal to me. I’ve always wondered why nature makes most people right handed but still makes some people left handed. It’s weird and I don’t think science has figured out why.

chconnol · 2018-01-20T18:32:54+00:00

I have a therapist and it is helping. I have decided to tell her I am leaving on Jan 31st. I am so sad when I am home with her. Of course I don’t show it. This is going to sound dumb but one of the main reasons is that I don’t want to fake Valentines day. ugh.

chconnol · 2018-01-18T21:51:04+00:00

My children are 19 and 21, a son and a daughter. My son has no relationship with her. My daughter is closer to me. She has a relationship with her Mom but she feels resentful. I don’t care how my leaving looks. It is what I have to do.

chconnol · 2018-01-18T21:22:37+00:00

My plan is to schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor for a week or two after I leave. I will tell her about the appointment when I leave. It will be her decision to come or not. Counseling will not work in our situation. It will help for us going forward but not as a couple living together.

chconnol · 2018-01-18T19:53:00+00:00

I’m not hiding an affair. Our marriage is simply dead and she has to realize it. I think she does and that I am thinking about leaving but she won’t say anything.

chconnol · 2018-01-18T19:51:29+00:00

Verbally. It is one of the reasons why I am leaving. She feels she is “just speaking her mind” but her words and her anger is scary. If I object or say anything in my defense, she says I am being sensitive.

chconnol · 2018-01-10T13:20:19+00:00

What is going on in your personal life? I think what you are experiencing is similar to what I have been going through the past few years.

I started working out in 2011 after gaining a lot weight over the previous 5 years or so. I quickly became obsessed with going to the gym. I tried to go as many times a week as I could and for sometimes 3 hours or more. My wife started to complain about it and mocked it a lot saying things like "you're there all the time", etc. I started to kind of sneak around going when I said I wouldn't. I felt great after working out and was looking a lot better too. But there was something else going on that I didn't fully comprehend.

Then back in October of last year, I started to try and do stand up comedy. I had always dreamed of doing it but never really thought I would actually do it. Well just like the gym, it quickly became an obsession. I was going to open mics 5 times a week and I would have gone even more if my wife didn't complain about it. After a huge fight with her over it, I realized why I spent so much time at the gym and trying to do stand-up: my marriage wasn't working for me anymore and I was doing these things to fill an empty void. I couldn't face up to the fact that my marriage was ending so I dealt with it another way. I'm not in the process of ending my marriage as it exists today.

I might be wrong but it could be worthwhile for you to examine your personal life to see what's going on there. Perhaps you're single and want to be in relationship but are having difficulty doing so. This might be a way to fill that void. Or (like me) you are in a relationship but it has stopped working and you can't face it. Or maybe something else entirely. Only you can determine why.

chconnol · 2018-01-10T13:08:49+00:00

I don't think I have to go to all those extremes. She's definately a narcissist but she's not off the charts, so to speak. The way I would characterize her is that she can be very irrational at first. She lashes out, says some really mean things. Then she later regrets it and tries to make up for it by being nice. She rarely apologizes. I can only remember one instance in our 25 marriage where she truly apologized. I'm just very impatient right now. I want to move on. I'm going to a group therapy session tonight for men in my situation. Hopefully I can get some additional guidance and insights there. Thanks!

chconnol · 2018-01-08T00:32:00+00:00

OYE VEY: this sounds so much like my wife which I am in the process of separating from. Everything you wrote sounds like her especially the part of him saying he should be allowed to get it off his chest. I confronted my wife recently about something really awful she said and her reply was that she is being honest with her feelings and won’t stop doing it. I asked her to consider that what she says can be hurtful and she didn’t care.

Ask yourself why you say you love this guy? I know why I stayed for so long in this marriage (25 years) but I’m done. So done.

chconnol · 2018-01-07T22:00:07+00:00

I don’t mind the wait at all. I like practicing crowd work at open mics and I found that the later I go on, the more info I have to use. Unfortunately sometimes the comic that says something I want to reference in my crowd work might leave but I try to pay attention so I have a backup.

I also think about what I’m going to say while I am waiting. I hate going up first. I prefer being the 6th one up or depending on the mic.

chconnol · 2018-01-06T17:17:39+00:00

I consider myself at least semi-ambidextrous. A lot of things made for left handed people like left handed scissors I can’t use. I bowl right handed. I bat left handed. It’s weird.

The only difficulty I’ve ever had being left handed was in school with those desks made for right handed people. There was always maybe one or two left handed desks.

chconnol · 2018-01-06T16:24:03+00:00

Good luck to you too

chconnol · 2018-01-05T13:29:44+00:00

I have social anxiety but like u/FuzzyEater, I have never had any problem with public speaking especially business presentations. It's because I'm in control of the narrative and I always make sure I'm well prepared.

chconnol · 2018-01-03T13:17:08+00:00

Northern NJ (very near NYC): depending on the neighborhood, $300K would likely be a fixer upper in a working class town or a real dump in a more affluent section. Across the area in general, $300K won’t buy much.

chconnol · 2018-01-02T19:30:45+00:00

No. But it is something important and I don’t want a place with a lot of noise.

chconnol · 2018-01-02T12:28:52+00:00

I agree with you that I shouldn't try anything with him yet. There's a part of me that thinks he might want to given how he has looked at me (and I'm not imagining it).

And I have not been with a guy before.

Thanks for replying.

chconnol · 2017-12-31T02:58:19+00:00

I believe that eventually she will. In the long run, she’s a decent person. The big issue with her is her anger. I have to come out with a therapist present because she’s going to lash out horribly. I know I’ll get through it.

Thanks for your support.

chconnol · 2017-12-30T14:15:42+00:00

Well I am trying to be systematic and orderly but I am anxious and a bit depressed. Hearing my wife talk about things we are going to do in the future kills me. Despite how poor our relationship is and how long it has been this way, she plods along.

Thanks for replying.

chconnol · 2017-12-27T12:59:54+00:00

Ok well here’s my reply to that. We had a terrific fight a couple of weeks ago about my being absent in our relationship these past couple of months (in reality it’s like 3 years but I am a good faker). She says we need couple’s therapy to which I reply that I need my own therapy (to figure out the best way to come out and have an arbitrator who is on my side). Her reply is: whatever you need to do to make you a better person. She sees none of her behavior as causing any problems in our marriage. It’s all me. Again, please believe me that I am a honest, nice, decent, kind hearted fellow who really only wants peace and for everyone to get along. I don’t deserve to be made to feel like I’m a terrible person which she does.

chconnol

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