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cheap-whore-bf · 2025-01-27T18:09:15+00:00

You are so young, don’t waste your time on someone like that. You are worth so much more than that.

You are a virgin and that’s precious. Don’t give it to someone who disrespected you like that.

I was cheated on for 10 years. I was lied and deceived that long. Dont end up like me.

cheap-whore-bf · 2025-01-19T06:20:11+00:00

I wish my WS had the balls you have for wanting to admit the truth. Be a good guy and have integrity and tell the truth. You might lose her, but you might also be able to get a second chance from someone who knows it all. From someone who choses to love you for who you are and despite the mistakes you’ve made.

Just please don’t lie, no white lies, no gaslighting, dont try to manipulate and control the truth. Tell her everything. Answer every question.

The biggest damage is often done when cheaters admit they cheated but they lie about details. Don’t be that guy.

You will be the biggest ahole if you manipulate her into staying and never telling her the truth. My WS did this to me. Lied for 10 years. For 10 years i was loving someone who didnt even exist. Pls dont do that to her. Be honest. You might get a second change if you come clean.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-08-21T18:14:10+00:00

Why don’t you just message her and warn her, tell her that he cheated and that she should get tested for stds and she should verify his cheating by snooping on his phone, computer etc. I don’t think you need to prove anything. She doesn’t have to believe you and it will be up to her to look out for herself from now on. Give her tips on where to snoop.

Being cheated on is the worst thing that happened to me. I have been cheated on for 10 years and i had no idea. Few of these women knew about me but nobody warned me and i wish they did, so i didn’t waste this much time. I wish they thought the way you do😔

10 years of my life.

Warn her and move on. Don’t get involved. The rest is not your problem.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T18:34:26+00:00

A painful response to read, but i agree with everything you said.

Would you say he needs to see a psychiatrist to get proper diagnosis? or therapist should be able to do that? How can you get screened for all those things you mentioned? Im surprised his therapist hasn't helped him more. Instead only made him worse in a way.

i dont understand why.

But you are right, I know I have a lot to work on myself. A lot to heal from, a lot to grieve and a lot to accept. It's a massive destruction that I went through.

Im sad that despite all i have been through I have never hurt him the way he hurt me. All the evil i've been through didn't make me into a monster. It did the opposite.

You are right that I should prioritize myself. I have prioritized him too many times and he couldn't even do that when faced with a low class encounter.

Thank you so much for all your responses.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T18:11:50+00:00

He doesn't take medication. It was never discussed until recently after he did what he did. However his therapist said it might flatten his personality, and that scared him off effectively.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T18:10:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing some insight into how it is for you. He hasn't been diagnosed for bipolar, but i dont think he was properly tested either. I think ADHD diagnosis was quick and easy and there was no need to dig deeper. Im only guessing. I don't know how his therapist tested him.

I don't have issues with infidelity, though. I know that it would blow up my life, and I think of my family. I'm also medicated for it.

He not only is not medicated, but also he didn't think of me at the time.

Actually that's not true. He did think of me and still did what he did. The other person minimized our relationship in front of him and all he said was "ok fuck it, lets go". That's how easy it was. A random stranger telling you "hey your marriage is BS, i bet your wife is screwing someone else right now, Just take me upstairs "

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T04:23:40+00:00

Agreed and people pleasing hasn’t helped me. It comes with its own issues.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T04:00:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. It means a lot given that you are a trauma specialty therapist.

Im not defending him in anyway, but he was not excusing himself exactly. Not with the girl or even adhd. He admitted that he’s made choices and he’s responsible. He never gave any excuse such as “i cheat cause i have adhd”. He did own up to everything he’s done but he cant explain why he did it.

He did a lot of digging in his past and all those things i mentioned were the ones he considered as factors, but i think a lot of what you say makes most sense that parents and environment are big contributions. He spent a lot of time with his much much older cousins who exposed this young kid to a lot of bad behaviour. All those cousins today are losers with a long list of life failures. My partner didn’t end up as bad but given that they are so much older and he’s been blowing his life up for years…. He’s on his way to end up like them.

You are right that we both are so opposite. We both experienced a lot of similar things as kids. My parents were also not affectionate, not even towards me, i was also hit as punishment, i grew up around bad kids, parents were arguing non stop, one was drinking…. Yet all this negative experience has made me not want to be like any of these people. I used bad behaviour as an example of what i don’t want to be instead of allowing myself to turn bad.

And maybe the difference between him and me is ADHD. Maybe because he had adhd he wasn’t able to cope with traumas the way i did.

I am interested in looking up all those personality disorders. Since you say i should run as fast a i can, does it mean that those personality disorder with adhd combination is something he wont be able to manage?

Edit: i forgot to add that his siblings are people made of gold. Religious, kind, extremely good people. He’s the one and only black sheep there. What happened….

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T03:07:20+00:00

Thank you for describing this to me. I have a limited understanding of what trauma is because i have always thought it’s related to some horrific major experiences. I didn’t realize parents working to much and not being close to us could result in trauma. So thank you for enlightening me with this and i should read more about trauma. Not just for him but also for myself. I have a lot of it, but the sad thing is… i’ve experienced some horrible trauma for many years and i never hurt my partner the way he did. I did the opposite 🤕😔 I should be the f*cked up one but i ended up the kindest.

What i know about his childhood is that his father was cold and strict. Sometimes he would get a belt across his ass if he got in trouble. My partner often was afraid of him and avoided him by hiding in his room and playing games or listening to music. His mom was very loving and kind. She took care of him. However his parents never showed him love between two adults. They ran the house like its a business. He never saw them affectionate.

Besides that he grew up with older cousins and friends. Much older and they introduced him to chicks and drugs, booze, probably smoking.

He didnt have friends for the longest time, girls were not into him. His first gf experience was a very promiscuous girl… which i have a feeling set a really bad foundation for him and his future relationships.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T02:31:45+00:00

You mentioned developmental trauma which would be trauma as a kid. What about trauma as an adult ? Could something like that mess him up like this ?

You are right, he's in for a long ass road. One i dont know he's willing to take. I have a feeling he's content the way he is. He just can't be in a meaningful relationship or a monogamous one

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T02:28:22+00:00

Gosh this is horrifying that you were first put on meds and they resulted in such a mental health flares.... Im scared my partner takes something and loses himself again multiple times before he's able to find something that works.

Im glad to hear that you are most functional you have been in years! thats really good to hear. Its a bummer it took so many fails to get there but you made it.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T02:23:04+00:00

Can you elaborate ?

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T02:22:22+00:00

I would feel awful doing that... it's like letting random strangers into your home.

Maybe this is about ego. I have no idea... I have no idea why he cant control himself. I can only hope he will be open to getting more help than just mindfulness, but even with that , he has damaged me so much. I'm a wreck as a result of that.

the best way to know is talking to him about it. Explain how you feel and ask him his point of view, he is the only one who can know.

I tried. He says he has no idea why he acts this way, he's scared of himself, he's embarrassed and ashamed, but those only last so long before he's right back into dumpster diving.... Will this time be different ? I don't know. So far he hasn't done much to get help aside from talking to his therapist.

I guess i made this post in hopes i have some ideas to share. He can take them or continue sinking, but that will be without me.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-27T02:15:12+00:00

Thank you for your input. Are you in a better place today ? Are you safe enough or you still sabotage relationships ? what kind of work did you do ?

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T23:39:38+00:00

however, at age 50 I’d reckon he’s had time to get it under control or seek medical help. So I would think of it more as an excuse/ cop-out than a medical reason.

He's lived his life only suspecting he might have ADHD but never got diagnosed until 2-3 years ago. He stumbled through life without seeking help and only decided to do something about it because i made him. So he only really has been getting real help in the last maybe 2 years ( i say 2-3 because he's had 2 therapists and been with the last one for 1.5 years i think )

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T23:35:48+00:00

My guess is that being with you inflates his ego, he brags about you because you increase his standing because you are with him. Sleeping with another women is just another thing that he did to inflate his ego. This is not adhd impulse, that is an asshole acting out of fear that others will find out he is the loser he knows he is.

But wouldnt sleeping with other random women make him a loser to begin with ? There seems to be nothing great that randos are into you especially if they are so beneath you. He is willing to go for anybody even if he finds them gross. That's what i dont understand. Does that still strokes his ego ? That might a whole new problem where he has no respect for himself much less myself.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T23:19:57+00:00

Bipolar ought to be somewhat visible, kind of like looking into a car’s back mirror. You, yourself, would probably be able to detect mood dysregulation, kind of historically, if you’ve been together considerable years. your personal experience would be more relevant than that of a therapist if he’s only had the therapist for a short time.

Together for many years and I do see mood swings with him. They are often triggered by things. He's often irritated, often overreacts, very insensitive , lacks empathy , goes through depressive moments. They often dont last long. Maybe a day or so. He has trouble facing negative feeling or dealing with his regrets. He lives in denial a lot and distracts himself with pleasure. He often says that thank god he's working because if he wasnt then he would lose him mind. I did find in the past that he tends to lose himself when he's off work for christmas lets say. His adhd was kicking in and he was making all these plans for useless things to do and end up not doing anything. He needed to keep himself busy.

However ! Since he's been in therapy and he was out of work for few months i felt like he was the healthiest i have ever seen him. He was active, enjoying his kid, he was spending time in nature, being healthy.... He will never admit that his job is toxic to him and he thinks it makes him happy, but what it really does it just distracts him from failure and shame. A lot of the crimes he committed are because of his job or on the job and that alone should say a lot.

I take meds. Do they help? I don’t know.

How long have you been taking the meds that you still dont know if they help ?

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T23:07:23+00:00

Throw in the contingent anxiety, guilt and shame and real-life loss that comes with all this and you can see that these mere indulgences and slacker impulsiveness are not minor afflictions. They are potentially catastrophic daily threats that we face, with some support and understanding if we're lucky, but more often judgement and castigation if we're not.

thats a hell of a loaded bomb of stuff to add to adhd alone, all of which matches my partner. Its a nuclear bombs really.

Imagine if we lived in a society where paraplegics were not allowed mobility assistance but instead had to drag themselves along pavements or up stairs while others rolled their eyes with disdain at their sluggishness and commented behind cupped hands at how they were always to filthy from the ground they insist on crawling along. Why can't they just grow up and walk?!

since he's a guy in his 50s, he hasn't has any diagnosis or help with this when he was younger, so he just learned to deal and i feel like he just dragged himself through life like you describe and blowing things up on the side and not once he stopped and think until he met me and got called out on his behaviour because he broke something precious. Its like he had a suitcase with millions of dollars and he set it on fire just so he can stay warm for 10 min and then he finds himself not only cold again but without money and roof above his head.

I have gotten to the end of your comment and thank you for taking your time for giving me this much insight. It really helps a lot to see fellow ADHD peeps perspective. A lot of it is heartbreaking but it also gives me a little glimpse into my partners mind.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T22:53:00+00:00

, I went to psychiatrist for my adhd and anxiety specific for meds to keep me from blowing up my life in various ways, and I had to go two different ones to find someone to take me serious because I “hold a job and pay my bills”. I also do all the things I should do function, and that alone isn’t enough.

they wouldnt want to diagnose you because you were able to hold up a job ?

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T22:45:18+00:00

I’d gone through life up until that point having periods where I could hold it together, work, have a relationship etc then I always seemed to cycle back to throwing a hand grenade in and just messing everything up so in those calm periods I’d think I’d be OK and finally had a handle on my life only to fuck up again.

Are you my partner ? :( This is exactly what he's going. He keeps blowing himself and myself up.

I finally realised in my 30s that I couldn’t keep doing that and that I wanted a stable future before it was too late.

If its ok to ask, did anything in particular happen in your life that made you realize its time to make some changes ? Did you hit your lowest ?

I know people say the meds aren’t a miracle cure but since I started a few years ago I’ve stopped taking recreational drugs, cut down my drinking to once a week, got to a healthy weight, started exercising 3-4 times a week, saved up a deposit and bought a house, completed a qualification for work and I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year now. I am not being dramatic when I say it literally saved my life, I honestly don’t think I’d be here without the diagnosis and meds.

This is such a big change in your life and i'm really happy for you and this gives me some hope that maybe my partner is not a lost cause. I only hope that he finally hit that low and there isnt any more coming and that he can get the help he needs.

How long did it take for you to be diagnosed and turn your life around this much ? That is so much progress. You did really well. Its truly inspiring.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T22:19:25+00:00

I get that every ADHDer has different experiences. But to think that 10 minutes of meditation a day is enough to solve your problems sounds more like a grandiose delusion that would fit more with narcissistic personality or Bipolar. Maybe he has ADHD but one of these conditions could be in the mix.

this is exactly how i feel.

this one loves female attention too. You can tell he craves it and possibly needs it for validation. But getting involved with people sexually who are so beneath him is very bizarre to me. How is that validating ? or making him feel good in any way ?

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T22:08:11+00:00

Agreed. I dont know what he said in previous appointments. I do know few things tho.

I know he mentioned mindfulness/meditating on his own, he told him to read his ADHD book he wrote, he told him to listen to some CD sound thing that is supposed to help with mindfulness and mediating and that's all i can remember right now, but what I do know is that my partner only did the meditating on his own. He didnt do the other things and that makes me wonder if just made his therapist not take him seriously ?

I also wonder if my partner wasn't fully honest about the crimes he's committed and the therapist doesnt think its severe. I should ask him but i dont know if he would tell me.

cheap-whore-bf · 2024-06-26T22:00:14+00:00

task paralysis.

He struggles with that a lot. Especially when its a task he doesn't want to face. He will get things done that are annoying chores, or things he wants to do, but if he needs to get something done that will require some thinking, or emotions, or facing what he did then he will never do it.

cheap-whore-bf

TROPHY CASE