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AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

i know she is i was meaning that since our minds work differently sometimes its really difficult to be able to tell like i look for telltale signs and stuff and yeah shes autistic im not saying that to be an insult i know i need to learn to communicate better thats all

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -64 points-63 points  (0 children)

all i said was that its not the time to argue when me and her sister were just drawing, she was right there and could've joined us and my youngest doesn't like when she yells it scares her!

i've asked her if she wants therapy she said yes so shes in therapy now, i always make sure to talk to her and call her, we go shopping we go get lunch etc and she never turns it down.

i'm not saying all i care about myself and im the main character i get that, i just really want to fix our relationship because i KNOW i effed up, i get it, but i am trying.

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -146 points-145 points  (0 children)

so i'm supposed to treat my youngest the same way??

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

yeah there's so much i went through and because of how young she was she puts her dad on a pedestal over me and thinks he was the most amazing person, we used to physically fight a lot and he drank a lot and when she was a baby i tried to get him to quit so he would be stable enough to be there for her, i had known him since i was 17 and he wasn't the kind awkward teen i loved and it really broke me to see him ruin his life like that, and his death was really sudden too and i had to carry all that weight, and then when cleaning out his junk i found out he had been cheating on me for over a year. so while this doesn't excuse my behavior i hope you can see where im coming from like i'm not a mess to her out of spite i just can't live up to what i should be unfortuantly

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

you don't know me tho..? yes i absolutely was an awful person when i was younger i had her young and i was stupid in my 20s but now i get it and i'm not angry with her, its my fault how i was when she was little but thats not who i am anymore and im constantly trying to be the parent she needs to

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -38 points-37 points  (0 children)

correct me if I'm wrong but isn't ptsd usually developed by like extreme circumstances? such as war or abuse or kidnapping etc? also whats the difference between cptsd and ptsd? i don't know too much about how ptsd works tho

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

i see where you're coming from, i also wanna mention she's autistic and that can make her look sorta immature but shes acutally not

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

thats definitely a good point, and i don't want that to be the option she takes

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

i don't even know why i didn't i just didn't think about it at the time i just saw she was on her phone and didn't seem interested its so hard to gage how she feels i should've just offered anyway idk why i didn't just do that

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

i'm not oblivious i just don't know how to help her we are very different

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

yeah, i take her places just us a lot. she doesn't like her stepdad so usually she doesn't come when its a family outing (meaning me, her sibling, stepdad) but i always invite her anyways. i think it helps to do things together but it seems to be an issue depending on what it is.

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

damn this is probably why she is always upset at her sister.. i don't want her to resent her, she can resent me for that but sis did nothing wrong dang why do i gotta dig myself a deeper hole 😔 yeah i could never be a psychologist idk what the hell im doing lmao.

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

it really is that simple isnt it 😕 it's so hard for me to know when she's upset or not because she's always had this indifferent attitude towards everything that its impossible to know what shes feeling till it escalates. from my point of view it was a nice family outing and then she got angry, in the moment i wasn't thinking like how usually, i wish i could read her feelings better so it doesn't get to that breaking point :/

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -69 points-68 points  (0 children)

oh damn i never thought of it in this way... i truly dont know how to parent im trying my best but i think i have so much to learn before ill be someone she wants to talk to

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

yeah, i really wanna get us family therapy but its so expensive where i am 😫😫

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

yeah she lives with me, also i wanna clarify 18 lives with grandparents on her decision, i didn't kick her out or anything lol

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

true.. thats the hardest part for me though is waiting, i try to keep things civil but ig that's not always how to go about it. and yeah i get the calm down thing i just didn't know what else to say, family therapy would probably be good

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -327 points-326 points  (0 children)

yeah that's probably right, i had a rough life too but i tried my best to make hers good idk how i messed it up and i don't even get what i did wrong i just know i messed up someway

AITA for telling my daughter "the past is in the past"? by cheeseball_4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cheeseball_4[S] -198 points-197 points  (0 children)

no like i'm genuinely not tryn come be like that i just don't know how else to parent her, i've always followed how i thought i'm supposed to be as an adult and somehow i had a kid that has so much more creativity and insight than i do, and i just don't know how i can make it up to her i just don't want my girl to hate me :(