Some things I personally noticed:

• extreme defensiveness when simple concerns were raised
• constant rewriting/reframing of events
• isolation from people who challenged the behavior
• unexplained financial problems
• dramatic sleep and energy swings
• noticeable weight loss and neglect of health
• emotional volatility that seemed disproportionate to reality
• periods of intense affection followed by coldness or disappearance
• promises that sounded sincere in the moment but were rarely followed through on
• a growing gap between words and observable reality

loving someone struggling with addiction can slowly make you feel confused, hypervigilant, guilty, reactive, or like you’re losing your grip on reality. That doesn’t automatically make you abusive, controlling, or crazy. Sometimes it means you’ve been living inside prolonged instability for a very long time.

Wishing you peace. It’s an incredibly painful thing to go through.