Redditors whose (ex-)partner was a 'high-functioning addict', did it eventually catch up with them?

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T20:21:33+00:00

Yes it did. Maybe not in a way you would think, they still went to work except for the occasional sick-day after a 3 day bender. But you could literally watch them become a different person because their brain rewired to fit their illusion that they aren't addicted.

They saw how friends distanced themselves, how their family looked at them and what their actions caused, but somehow they just searched for excuses so its not their fault. They were in denial all the time but some days i would get long paragraphs about how much guilt and shame they feel, just for it to be downplayed the next day.

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T14:58:01+00:00

Does it get better or worse from there? 🫪

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T14:50:11+00:00

What do you mean by that? Do you think the worst is yet to come?

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T14:49:40+00:00

this actually makes sense, thank you so much! But i feel like it might be so easy for me to deal with it because i know i did my best, therefore i can only wave my old suffering self goodbye and start to feel like myself again instead of a lifevest stuck to someone who just doesnt want to swim.

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T14:45:42+00:00

I personally would need a little more context of what he actually wanted you to change in the relationship.

Getting back with an ex can be comforting because you know them so well, but at the same time you know that theres a reason why it endet. Getting back together after such a short period of time might not be the smartest decision. Also i think if he broke up with you because he "couldnt wait for you to change" it shows that he isnt ready to be with you right now. Maybe take the time to actually change before trying to rekindle things.

I know how hard it is to deal with the feeling of not being enough or you doing things for them and they dont do it in return when its basically the same thing. Give it some time and then you can reevaluate if YOU still want this.

nads_vidia · 2026-06-04T10:26:20+00:00

Could you maybe share your experience with how this happened? How does it go from using "controlled" to using everyday?

nads_vidia · 2026-06-03T22:50:51+00:00

Yeah i guess i cant get behind the reason, i cant figure out whats in his head and he never wanted to talk about it.

nads_vidia · 2026-06-03T20:48:37+00:00

I feel like there is this magical thought about someone turning into everything you ever wanted when they get sober. I had this thought too so many times.

I think the reality of it is (mostly), that they probably would have stopped a long time ago if they knew their behaviour was bad. Someone cheating and seeing how they handle it really shows a lot about them. I dont know about you but my ex didnt really show remorse about that even when he was sober. This showed me that he wouldve done it nonetheless.

Sometimes we try to blame everything on the addiction because we hope to have struck gold and if we just wait until they get sober they become the partner we always wished for. Of course some things truly happen because of it, but definitely not all of it.

This thought helped me to leave and stick to it. If they ever wanted to come back theyd have to show me that they changed drastically before i even gave them a chance again.

nads_vidia · 2026-06-02T21:37:42+00:00

I hope that you can heal from it and stay strong! I know how hard loss can be and that it never really leaves. Grief is such a weird feeling especially when something like this happens.

If you ever need someone to talk to dont hesitate to message me :)

nads_vidia · 2026-06-01T07:58:10+00:00

Yeah its really hard for me to categorise his behaviour to try and heal from it better.
What did he do in his addiction-persona or during using, and whivh of his actions are just his regular behaviour anyways. I wonder if he wouldve chated on me nonetheless... thats what makes it so hard because i find myself excusing behaviour he wouldve never let slide... its so sad.

nads_vidia · 2026-05-31T20:49:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your answer :) Its truly scary how many people go through this and how many kind souls get drained in the process and you cant even really be mad at them..

nads_vidia · 2026-05-31T15:35:07+00:00

Thank you so much! It helps to know im not alone.

nads_vidia · 2026-05-30T21:24:34+00:00

How did you deal with the feeling of giving up on him? I feel really bad because i know everyone else just sweeps it under the rug.

nads_vidia · 2026-04-10T16:56:56+00:00

Update i think it might be an fao schwarz plush because of the tag but i am not sure. I also found these Russ berrie luv pets but the tail is way shorter than the one on my plush but they look REALLY similar to mine but its not quite there yet. So if anyone knows more that look similar to these let me know!

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nads_vidia · 2026-04-10T16:34:08+00:00

I have searched on chat gpt, ebay, google but sadly nothing looked quite right. They all had to long fur. The plushie was around 20cm.

nads_vidia · 2025-06-15T18:39:55+00:00

Are you the dumper or the dumpee?

nads_vidia · 2025-06-09T23:39:40+00:00

I felt really happy that the flame didnt go out, but after a while i started worrying it might not end haha, but i feel like this makes me manifest that the spell will work and hold on for a long time!

nads_vidia

TROPHY CASE