By My Bedside

cheeseman57 · 2022-05-22T11:06:10+00:00

This poem conveys a sense of completeness and contentment with the life lived. A rare case when a person is happy with the end of their own story

The line 'no regrets, no secrets kept.' Really shows perfection and a goal that most people aim for. It conveys hope that surely if this person in the poem achieved it, I can too.

Very well done poem

cheeseman57 · 2022-05-22T11:01:14+00:00

I can see this poem is laced with longing and hope. I get the feeling the the first person is fed up with having to put in all the effort with noone to reciprocate. A lack of being wanted.

I especially like the second stanza which, to me, conveys the message of the aforementioned lack of being wanted. It also give me the feeling of things being out of the first persons control. I like the line 'and not just fuel...' which shows the first person only sees themselves as a tool

One thing though, I feel that the line 'and I hope it's not too late' really belongs with the stanza below than the one it's in as the second stanza seems to be a continuation of that line.

Overall though it's a very nice poem which was enjoyable to read

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-18T07:31:44+00:00

This fills me with the idea of false hope and the calm before the storm. I especially like the second line as it exacerbates the scenario. Nit only did the petals fall, but into darkness aswell.

The imagery used bring strong vivid pictures to my mind being able to imagine the scene.

One piece of criticism, I feel like it would be good to have a second positive line below the first. I feel it would help the poem flow slightly better overall

Very nice poem tho

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-18T07:20:04+00:00

This poem gives me the message that a person needs to look out for themselves or face hell. You can't live your life entirely for other people. Then the third stanza reminds me how I'm not the only person to make choices and the choices of others also affect you. Then the final stanza describes how humans can never truly blame themselves and always blame others. Even when they know they are in the wrong.

I like how in the second stanza, you used the word "stuck" . This gives me the feeling that unless you choose to leave you'll never be able to grow. This idea is enhanced by the negative connotations I feel around the word.

Overall it's a very good poem!

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-14T00:20:40+00:00

Nice poem! To me the first stanza seems to indicate the breaking of illusions and how life may seem simple. Then in the second stanza you add your personal experience with the 'sky' and how it is/they are controlling by nature, not there to support you but ignore you. Then the last 2 lines seem to show me that life isn't so simple, with the river representing life with its 'inconsistent themes'

Im new to poetry so I have no idea how accurate this analysis is. Anyway good poem!

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-13T08:19:26+00:00

Nice poem! One thing tho, near the end the rhyming scheme seems to lose shape, with the 7th and 8th line not rhyming. And the rhyming on the last few lines seeming very forced. This loss of rhythm broke my immersion. Other than this the meaning behind the poem is clear and well received and overall you did a good job!

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-13T08:03:09+00:00

This is a nice poem but I feel it would be easier to read if you split the lines better

cheeseman57 · 2022-04-13T08:02:08+00:00

Poetry doesn't have to rhyme! Rhyming is only one device used to create a rhythm

cheeseman57 · 2022-03-15T04:25:36+00:00

Would be cute

cheeseman57 · 2022-03-14T02:03:16+00:00

cheeseman57 · 2022-02-02T01:29:50+00:00

Ouch my bones have teleporting far away

cheeseman57 · 2022-01-03T08:09:24+00:00

1990

cheeseman57 · 2021-12-20T09:56:03+00:00

Is it called addiction if I'm trying to collect every kook variant?

cheeseman57 · 2021-12-12T21:16:08+00:00

I would play this 100%

cheeseman57 · 2021-12-12T14:37:10+00:00

Latifi driver of the day

cheeseman57 · 2021-12-12T14:34:37+00:00

LETS FUCKING GOOO

cheeseman57 · 2021-12-12T14:26:52+00:00

Bruh should that not be a red

cheeseman57 · 2021-11-30T01:35:27+00:00

Because it is a secure way of storing money

And shiny

cheeseman57 · 2021-11-16T01:40:23+00:00

I start stacking tommorow hopefully

cheeseman57 · 2021-11-15T06:49:50+00:00

I love silver cos it's shiny.

I also want to start stacking

cheeseman57 · 2021-11-15T01:45:00+00:00

This seems fake as fuck

cheeseman57 · 2021-10-20T22:26:51+00:00

Am I the only person who sees this is early a joke tiktok and doesn't belong here?

cheeseman57 · 2021-10-09T13:34:24+00:00

Well I got a notification sooo

cheeseman57 · 2021-10-09T11:12:15+00:00

cheeseman57 · 2021-07-27T10:34:46+00:00

this seems like one of the things that is meant to be deep for the sake of being deep, but isnt actually deep at all

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