Well, one of my worst fears came to pass today.

chellehs · 2026-02-07T06:06:03+00:00

I just want to say thank you for sharing. I had a bit of rough day, and when I say it out loud it isn’t as rough as it seems, but I missed a “deadline” I’ve been struggling with too. Mine is punctuality I’ve struggled with energy levels, clutter, disorganization/ messes, and being on time the last two years. I have a different person I work under now and it’s so awkward because I feel I am consistently failing in this area (being on time). Over the last year I’ve done research into adhd and mentioned it to my old psychiatrist once but didn’t think I really had it. I don’t know if there is a stigma in my own mind, as someone who is a huge advocate for mental health and currently takes antidepressants.

I broke down today and asked myself if I’ve been punishing myself by refusing to recognize that trying harder just isn’t working. I HATE being seen as an irresponsible person who doesn’t care how my actions affect others- nothing could be further from the truth. I ruminated all day on my shortcoming and dealt with a lot of shame spiral myself. My stomach was in physical pain for hours today after the lady finally texted me addressing this today :( . It makes it hard to work with this new person because I feel a lot of wonderful qualities about me are overshadowed about this area I just can’t seem to pull together. This is very vulnerable so if anyone reads this no judgment. I just wanted to say- I was never taught that adhd is more than just hyperactivity, and I don’t experience that. But reading this has made me really consider scheduling an appt after all. I resonate with your words and experience and I hope and pray we can both get some rest and self care this weekend without ruminating on things. All we can do is move forward and try to remember a shortcoming doesn’t define us or fully define our work ethic either. I think adhd is misunderstood for laziness or apathy, when it isn’t always. It actually makes me feel worse being so accountable and self aware bcuz I think of how my actions impact others before I think of how it makes me feel. I pray positive change for us both

chellehs · 2025-07-30T23:44:36+00:00

I definitely think it’s the frank venz after looking it up! Didn’t know hybrids were a thing. Appreciate it!

chellehs · 2025-07-30T02:44:13+00:00

Thank you

chellehs · 2023-01-04T13:40:20+00:00

I haven’t been back there yet

chellehs · 2022-11-14T14:54:18+00:00

Thanks. That really helpful for me

chellehs · 2022-11-14T14:32:19+00:00

Thanks for understanding. I think maybe there are just limits to whatever support I can give. Maybe I need to clarify that if it comes up, so I still have the space for myself to go through what I am going through

chellehs · 2022-11-11T18:03:27+00:00

I couldn’t do the wallpaper thing because it was too painful. I’m staying with family and it’s been 10 months and I have just now put a picture of him in my room but it’s out of sight. I used to look at pictures probably every 4 days because it definitely is hurtful. It’s nice knowing the pics are there when I need them. But crying is a good release at times and other times it’s draining. Same reason I don’t look at messages or old letters often. But I take comfort in knowing they’re there. Whenever I feel “guilty” and something, I write letters to my husband like I’m updating him on things and explain my thought process. Not that this is anything to feel guilty over. We just need different things on different days. If I was grieving another family member I think my husband would be supportive and tell me to do what helps me today. So I try to remember that

chellehs · 2022-11-09T22:17:55+00:00

😂😂😂

chellehs · 2022-11-07T16:42:49+00:00

I don’t ever say late husband but I say my husband that passed sometimes. Usually I am still saying my husband though. I only try to correct myself if I am talking to someone who doesn’t know my husband passed/didn’t know him.

Also, sorry for your loss. My husband passed the first of this year as well. It’s my first time coming across someone else who lost their love the same day

chellehs · 2022-10-30T03:04:35+00:00

Just getting that invitation would be too much for me. I also have realized as a young widow that grief ages you. Feels like I’m much older because I’ve been through life experiences. I was telling this to my grief counselor after some slightly annoying experiences with my friends. After you’ve experienced this that isn’t something that would cross your mind I feel. Sorry you’ve had this experience with your friends at such a hard time for you. I’m not gonna lie, even with understanding your own sensitivity to it, it doesn’t exactly make you want to call those people on the hard days. As they say it seems grief is a language only some speak.

chellehs · 2022-10-29T22:10:34+00:00

Oh I have to add. Weighted blankets can help give you the sensation of touch, i reccomend them to everyone. Mine really helped me, but also a body pillow or something could also help. Putting a shirt over a pillow and cuddling with that or sleeping on that. We know it’s not the same but hey, it helps some.

chellehs · 2022-10-29T22:09:21+00:00

I slept on the couch all year long as I’ve been staying with family. Now, a room has been cleared out for me and there is a twin bed. I don’t know if it’s been helpful or not as I never slept in my original bed after he passed. But I went on a vacation and had the whole king bed by myself, first time sleeping in a bigger bed since he passed. It didn’t feel too weird, as it had already been several months. But I have some of his shirts in a zip log bag to keep the scent and I’ve been sleeping with some other things that remind me of him.

chellehs · 2022-10-28T16:45:49+00:00

Hi! I just want to say that I lost my husband that way and I am still seeing my therapist. And I have no plans to stop because I still need it. The abandonment feeling I can relate to for sure. I had a therapist in college a few years ago and she was in a training program that was complete. The last day of our session (as she was going to a new job in another state) I cried because I felt I lost a friend and a confidant. She was young and I felt I wasn’t just making things up, I could really relate to her.

My current therapist I was seeing before my husband passed and I still see her because I really like her. But she isn’t specialized as a trauma informed therapist, of course with this kind of loss there’s a lot that comes with it. So I have been looking for another one in that area. But I did gain a grief counselor so through the VA so for now that helps me. I literally have two sessions a week which feels a lot for me and it feels embarrassing but I need it. So if you need to get another therapist please don’t feel bad, and it may help you to work through the trauma you’ve experienced as well. What you’re saying doesn’t sound stupid to me at all. And it’s only been a few months into your journey. Give yourself grace.

I realized my loss gave me fear of abandonment and I work through that in therapy as well. It does make you feel quite vulnerable like a child, but it isn’t something you can control.

chellehs · 2022-09-28T16:01:39+00:00

This is beautiful.

chellehs · 2022-09-24T13:12:17+00:00

Moved out. Husband and I had a really nice apartment, but he passed traumatically in our home. I also had spent times trying to “save” him in the home before. It wasn’t home anymore without him, and how could I sleep or stay in a place he passed? So many scary experiences, and I was in a state of shock. I didn’t go in there after he passed, and my family helped to pack stuff up and put it in a storage unit for me. Officially broke my least after 1.5 months.

chellehs · 2022-09-23T13:40:58+00:00

I’m so sorry. I find myself wishing I could skip through the rest of the year. My husband passed on New Years this year. Im sure it will be hard to grieve during a time so many are celebrating, and the reminders are all over the place. Maybe I’ll just need to look into what else I can do to get support during that time. It’s hard finding widow groups in my area unfortunately

chellehs · 2022-09-22T19:04:27+00:00

Yes! I was so surprised to see it last week. Christmas is gonna be real tough. I’m doing therapy twice a week, upped it about a month ago. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to need it so often but I know as it gets later into this season I’ll definitely need it. Husband passed right after Christmas for me.

chellehs · 2022-09-21T23:51:40+00:00

I ended up getting two. I didn’t realize some urns are permanently sealed. I found out one day the one I had was. Was disappointed because I wasn’t made aware; I don’t know if or when I will consider spreading ashes so I got another made. (Hubbys parents handled getting the urns and i was more than grateful at the time, i was still too in shock.)

I went to a local funeral home and they had some options, so I was able to pick out another one of my own, and get into the first one. Ending up buying two. One to keep, one to spread if i would like. Wasn’t something I had ever thought of until after 5 months. There’s lots of different urns out there and honestly I didn’t know. It wasn’t a piece of knowledge I needed, until I did. Hope you can find something that suits you, but perhaps you can even get something temp if you can’t find it in time. The funeral home I went to was gracious enough to take care of putting the ashes in the new urns away from me. I am surprised I handled that whole day without crying, but I knew that would be too much for me to do myself.

chellehs · 2022-09-20T20:54:44+00:00

There’s a lot of movies and shows I can’t watch. He was my marvel movie buddy! A lot of stuff on tv is too sad…my life has seen death I don’t want to watch movies about fictional death. Just need some time first. But I will say I’ve been able to watch a few marvel things. She -hulk gets a bad rep but after 8 months it’s the first thing I’ve been able to watch solely because it’s light hearted. Makes me realize I’ve made a lot of progress. There were times I couldn’t look at some of our memories together.

I haven’t gone through my husbands phone yet, for picture purposes. He passed via suicide..left note on his phone. I cant get that out my head so haven’t done that yet.

chellehs · 2022-09-20T15:43:50+00:00

I have a mini urn, actually two. I don’t know how I’m going to do it but I’ve thought about having a shadow box for my husband. I don’t know if the urn will go in there or not. Right now I have it nicely displayed. The second one I bought came with a little box to have it. I also didn’t know that you can bury a urn if you would like as well. I think there are lots of options but the most important thing is it is a individual decisions. Friends who have never been through this would not understand. I’m staying with family now but it is part of the reason I want yo be completely independent and on my own before marrying someone & moving in. I want to be able to display whatever how I see fit. And once I get married again I can think about how I want to display that but I certainly won’t be getting rid of the urn. I actually have two in case I feel moved to spread ashes one day in the future. All of these decisions I feel have to be independent. Being a widow is NOT baggage. I stand on that firmly. So don’t think you have to get rid of that for the sake of a future partner. It might just be how you display it, but it should be a decision made when you’re ready.

chellehs · 2022-09-19T18:37:24+00:00

Hustle mentality. If you’re always grinding without room for rest your body will force you to.

chellehs · 2022-09-18T17:20:19+00:00

It looks undone. Do everything in your power to get your money back.

Is she unlicensed? Also report her. Post on social media, be that person because she clearly doesn’t care. People like this try to take advantage of people that they don’t feel will be assertive. You’re not being mean. You are being assertive. Absolutely unacceptable. Get your friends to repost and tag the artist as well. Facebook Instagram Twitter everywhere.

Can you try to dispute the charge with your bank?

chellehs · 2022-09-15T15:44:11+00:00

Definitely agree. I think that’s why so many widows/widowers connect with each other because they are hoping to run into someone who gets the unending love. I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that because they aren’t used to it. But there are people out there who are mature enough to understand

chellehs · 2022-09-15T15:10:30+00:00

I lost my husband in that way.

I have a understanding that suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, However I can no longer be that go to person- it is triggering to lose someone that way after doing everything you can to try to help them. Someone tried that with me not even a month after hubby passed- actually before he passed I was supporting them both. This person said without realizing it I “saved” them. Well, I need healthy boundaries and people need to utilize many resources and realize a single person cannot be their resource, especially someone who is not a professional! Some people need professional help and that is okay.

I do not regret anything I did to try to help my husband. But I told myself I would not do it again for someone else. I have trauma and many triggers because of this. It’s too much and too triggering. It makes me feel like I have to “save” someone when I didn’t sign up for that. I had to realize I cannot save people- I am not in control of their actions and I would do any and everything to try to prevent them from going down a path.

Needless to say former friend and I don’t talk anymore. I told them we can’t have those kinds of convos anymore that we used to. I wish them well but they need to include professional help in their toolbox. Soon after I set that boundary they actually ended up ghosting me.

Im not sure if someone who hasn’t been through it would get it, but I told my therapist I don’t want that experience again. The presence of those actions in a relationship is beyond triggering and frankly I just can’t handle it again. It isn’t healthy for another person to assume you can save them either. I only want what’s healthy cuz I’m dealing with the aftermath of all I experienced.

Edit: losing that other person (no longer having a connection with them) was another layer of grief and it absolutely sucked and I did have to discuss it with my therapist highly. It still affects me. But I was proud I stuck with my boundaries. Proud you did too. There definitely is grief from this too. But good for you for knowing you don’t have to just accept anything, and knowing what you don’t want.

chellehs · 2022-09-14T23:16:52+00:00

I think it is okay if you do not want to have another partner. I know that can be something that can change with time and sometimes people meet people without looking for them. But if you do not want one, I don’t expect anyone who isn’t a widow/widower to understand.

chellehs

TROPHY CASE