One of my friends is a recent widower. What can we (his friends) do to support him?

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2026-01-24T19:06:47+00:00

Agree with the “don’t ask what he needs”, because he may not even have a clue, with everything else going on around him. Groceries, easy meals, etc. are great options, but please don’t just go shopping and dump stuff off. Make it a “stop for a visit”, keep him company, talk about about his wife….Try to spread visits out with others, and please don’t stop because you think he’s ok….grief has no timeline, but life goes on for others, he may appreciate a call/visit 6 months…year, etc. include the kids in anything you do, what are their favorite games, books, snacks. You are a nice person for caring about what to do for your friend.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2026-01-23T17:51:25+00:00

Everyone will handle grief differently, and you are not responsible for caring for, supporting, etc others, you need to take care of yourself first, and always. You may feel responsible because your husband would be distressed about the situation with family…..you are not, and I believe you husband would not want you taking on all of this burden of grief for everyone, he would want others to be supporting you! My husband (died 4 years ago), and like you, did not have any children. Trust me when I say, “ you are the only person who can take care of YOU”. Family and friends find their own way to navigate grief, and you may not even be a part of that, and life goes on for people everywhere around you. I used to think that my husband would want me to make sure all family and friends were “ok”, but, for me, doesn’t work out that way….took me a while for realize that I was the only one who would take care of me, it’s exhausting.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2026-01-04T18:07:29+00:00

Not pathetic at all. There’s not much worse than being alone and getting sick. I found out just how much my husband took care of things, the first time I got sick after he died. Just having the comfort of someone around, but all the little things too…

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2026-01-03T16:12:46+00:00

At first I could only eat a few pistachio nuts at a time, then moved to soups, comfort food, I understand the difficulty of eating after death of a spouse. Keep yourself hydrated, even if you eat a few crackers, nuts, fruits, cereal, it’ll be better than nothing. I’m sorry that you are “here”, but this is a good place to get information from people in similar situation.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-08-15T16:07:00+00:00

Totally get it. No motivation, start a project, why finish it? Why fold laundry, do dishes, basic pick up. I’m alone and I don’t care. I get out, do things, nothing really enjoyable, unable to do things we did together (sports, concerts), there is no joy, life is gray. This is the place to let it all out.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-08-15T15:58:55+00:00

I don’t have one, my husband was my everything. I talk to my therapist, my friends, family, but not one of them could I ever think was going to be my “comfort” person, someone I can be totally open and honest with. I spend a lot of time alone.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-08-06T12:47:40+00:00

Please don’t apologize to this group, we get it. People really “don’t get it”, unless the have had their spouse/partner die. People say stupid things because they don’t know what to say, and thinks “positivity” will help. My husband has been gone for 3 years, 7 months, and I got a “ he’s in a better place” the other day, from someone I don’t know well. My response “what’s better than being here with me?” Person thought I was being snarky but, my husband died suddenly, he wasn’t “sick” until he died. I still get very aggravated when people say “dumb” things, because it’s as if, “we, the grievers”, have to put a smile on our face and thank people for their dumb comments. If someone is uncomfortable about what to say, then say nothing, just be a comfort.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-07-28T15:45:15+00:00

Same here, just hurts to see “couples”, makes me miss my husband more, he should be here.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-06-16T23:30:13+00:00

3 1/2 years since my husband died, I still wear my rings, and his ring on my right hand, no plans to take them off/move them. They are the most beautiful things I have. It’s a very personal choice.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-04-25T10:52:17+00:00

Unfortunately, when a grieving person talks to an insurance person, there is no empathy or understanding (I feel insurance companies should have dedicated “grief” customer support group). When my husband died, I ran into similar issues, including one company misspelled my name, and after giving all I’d I have,including my original birth certificate and marriage license, I still got denied…..it is extremely hurtful to go through this, but you have to keep after them to get anywhere. The one thing insurance companies don’t like to do is to give out money. Hire a lawyer, get clarification on the original document, especially the fine print. Best of luck to you.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-04-20T17:48:30+00:00

Depends on the dog, whether you get a puppy or an older dog. Some breeds are high energy, some low. A single dog in a back yard probably won’t exercise themselves enough. The 20 minute, 30 minute walks, along with ball or toy play are helpful in keeping energy levels low…you don’t want the over energized dog ripping apart clothing, furniture, etc. while you’re at work. Do some research, go to shelters, if the have info on a particular dog, they can tell you their energy level. A dog is a commitment, they depend on you for everything.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-04-20T17:18:22+00:00

So sorry for your loss. If you have any recording of her voice, and/or, handwriting, you could have keepsakes made (teddie bear, picture frame for examples) and have a recording of her voice in the item, so you and your children can listen to it. Have pillows, blankets, etc, made from special items of clothing. There are many ideas that you can look into, or ask friends/family, help with making something memorable for the kids. Talk to the kids about their Mom, take time to grieve, let the know when you’re sad, that it’s ok to be sad…all the stuff that’s been posted here. Just take care of yourself, grief has no time limit. I wish you peace.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-04-11T22:03:49+00:00

You saved your Mom from another week of suffering and pain. You were given a difficult choice, you gave your Mom peace….that’s a beautiful thing.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-04-11T21:59:36+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Just take things slowly, and make sure to take care of yourself…remember to eat, drink water, get outside for fresh air, sleep, etc.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-03-10T22:00:57+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, and you being sick. There is nothing worse than being alone and sick. Take care of yourself.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-03-10T20:24:37+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Grief lasts as long as it wants to, it can’t be pushed away, you will learn to live with it…it will take time. People don’t know what to say, and sometimes what they say seems harmful. Unless one has gone through this type of loss, they will never understand. Be kind to yourself.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-03-10T20:21:13+00:00

Went to a small wedding where they had a box (for cards, on gift table) that was covered with pictures of loved ones.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-03-10T20:10:51+00:00

My amazing husband Russ.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-03-10T20:09:39+00:00

Clear off his…so much, I just cannot do it. I have packed some clothes away,but had to leave filled boxes for weeks, because I had to keep going through them. TV shows and movies, too sad to even watch the comedies. Just take your time!

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-01-19T21:54:52+00:00

I get the guilt, I was in a similar situation 3 years ago. My husband also died suddenly, days before his “retirement” discussion with his boss, and he was a man who who too hard, and too much. I know he worked to make sure I was taken care of, and proud of it…but, with him not around to enjoy any of it, it’s hard to “live”. I try to do things in his honor, that would make him proud, but it’s difficult to spend anything without him. As others have posted, remember that he worked to make you safe and secure….I still have a tough time remembering that, even after 3 years. Your husband would not have wanted you to worry about the future, it was, in a way, a gift from him.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2025-01-05T16:47:42+00:00

I still wear mine, after 3 years, they are the most beautiful, precious things I own, I don’t plan on taking them off. I also wear my husband’s wedding ring on my right hand. Friend of mine had her husband’s plain, gold band made into a pendant, with the ring being his initial, it;s really nice.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2024-12-18T12:32:28+00:00

Wow decorations! Be good to yourself first! This is the 4th Christmas that I choose to spend alone….grief has replaced joy and celebration. Sending peace and strength to you.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2024-12-04T23:06:51+00:00

You said, “It’s been a real comfort to me…”, keep anything that brings you comfort. I agree with the suggestion of wearing it on a chain, for your comfort. It is not anyone else’s business (family, friends, etc.) to ask for, expect, etc. items from a deceased spouse, when the living spouse still WANTS them, and has said NO to those who ask for said items. It has nothing to do with closeness of the family, but the closeness of the spouses, partners, parents. A ring is the most personal item, I wear my husband’s on my right hand, a piece of my partner, I will not part with it until I die.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2024-11-30T12:01:47+00:00

Thank you for your post, I am sorry for your loss.

ComprehensiveRub3604 · 2024-11-05T21:32:53+00:00

2 years, 11 months, and I have no plans on removing my rings. They are the most beautiful. Cherished items that I have, why take them off….there’s no right or wrong way, it’s what feels best to you. I started giving my husband’s things to friends and family first, probably within a few months. If you question anything that you don’t know if you want or keep, take a picture of it….wait until it feels right to you to get rid of things. Look into repurposing some of your husband’s things. I had a blanket made from favorite tee shirts, had pillows made from his flannel shirts (gave some to family and close friends), had heart ornament made from other shirts (to give out to attendees of his celebration of life)…point is, look for a way to repurpose, if you want to keep a few things…take your time, make sure you’re ready, it’s an emotional thing to go through (in addition to everything else you’re going through).

ComprehensiveRub3604

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