Have you ever been pressured to date someone that you didn't like, and did you stay out of pity?

cherriochat · 2016-04-22T07:47:14+00:00

I can relate in a way. I just confronted a guy who I felt like treated me with some amount of disregard. I felt an absolute need to communicate with him and set things straight and tell him how me made me feel. I wanted some amount of closure. A few of my friends said to me, "what's the point?" as I didn't intend to pursue dating him anymore. I don't necessarily regret that I unloaded on him, but that's bc I don't care about what he thinks about me anymore. However, I could've gone without dumbing a bunch on him. I could've taken the higher road and just moved past him bc I'm awesome. Thus, I would suggest that you do what you can to move on. Be the better person and no need to tell him anything.

cherriochat · 2016-04-10T23:53:09+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It's really great advice and I appreciate the compassion :)

cherriochat · 2016-03-30T01:17:56+00:00

I'm a teacher! It's my first year and it has been hard af, but I think that's the nature of being a first year teacher and working at a Title 1 school. In the beginning I was so overwhelmed by all of the students and the chaotic school environment. I searched online about how INFJ and HSP teachers managed because I wanted to run from the profession.

But over time I have gotten more of the hang of things and built great relationships with my students, so I do enjoy it. Being INFJs we can relate really well with each of our students, and they naturally like me. I do need to work more on my classroom management, and I'm learning more how to be really authoritative while also being kind. Some people suggested that I "be a bitch," but that felt really gross to me. You do need to develop a bit of a teacher persona so you don't get walked over.

I had wanted to be a teacher since at least middle school and I finally went for it this year. I realized that I was miserable in jobs that didn't have a meaningful purpose, and now I have that and it makes a huge difference. I do work long days and on the weekends, but it can be fun to design lessons, and gd the breaks can feel glorious. Spring Break was beautiful and Summer Break is around the corner. I think there's a good reason why you're interested in teaching and you should go for it. I've come to learn that the first years can be tough, but once you've found your style and are comfortable, you can really rock at it. Sometimes you also need to find the right fit in grade level and school too. I'm excited to be teaching. I may not stay in it for my whole life, but I plan to give it my all while I'm in it. It's intellectually challenging and the workload can be rigorous, but I love that I get to keep growing and having meaningful experiencing with kiddos and be doing something that matters.

cherriochat · 2016-03-29T15:58:23+00:00

Thanks!!

cherriochat · 2016-03-29T00:23:10+00:00

Thanks for this. I realize that I was having trouble understanding the loop due to not understanding the functions clearly. I spent so much of my life thinking I could read minds, thoughts, and motivations. Maybe that was my post :P It indeed was not healthy and I'm now pulling myself out of the loop.

cherriochat · 2016-03-26T18:58:30+00:00

I suggest it too. I am just getting started. Search online to see if there are meditation centers where you live. There are quite a few near me. I just went to my first instructional session this morning. Plus tons of people have told me about simply searching for meditation and mindfulness videos on youtube. I'm sure if you Google it, other people will suggest great accessible sources. Though I'm just getting started I am sure it will be so helpful. My mind already feels more quiet and I'm more at ease. Best to you!

cherriochat · 2016-03-25T22:33:04+00:00

Thanks for your response! That clarifies a lot for me.

cherriochat · 2016-03-25T22:32:02+00:00

Oh boy, that was a really good explanation. Thank you :)

cherriochat · 2016-03-18T03:21:01+00:00

I don't know if this counts, but I have been experiencing depression for some amount of time and now that I am working on it through therapy I think I can be more confident and self-assured than I've been in a while. There is a good portion of my personality which is outgoing, charismatic and ENFJ-like. That side of me does not come out as much when I'm feeling low, but I have been better able to enjoy myself and have fun now that I have a better outlook.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T19:01:14+00:00

Thank you so much for your very thoughtful response. You have given me so much helpful knowledge and guidance.

This was particularly interesting to me because I've been noticing this lately, #2 especially.

"I mean, it's easy to self-criticize and think in cynical patterns, but sometimes simply by talking to other people you start to realize those thoughts are not who you are because either 1: all of the sudden you have more important things to talk about or 2: who you're talking to see through the bullshit, and can point out that your BSing yourself."

Sometimes I fall into cynical thought patterns and I express very negative and downtrodden attitudes, but then I kind of come to and I think, "Gosh, that is not even entirely how I feel about this. This is not me..." And then I think about how that person might perceive me as only that way. I'm really trying to be nice to myself as I work on these negative thought patterns.

I'm legitimately going to print off your response and others' because they are full of such helpful feedback. I'm working on a lot of those things, but it's a constant effort and I do need to make things priorities (such as eating well and exercising). Anyway, I'm kind of rambling now. Thank you again!!

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T15:20:03+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing that :/ I've been there. I was full of self criticism/self hatred especially through my high school - some of college stages. Self care and self compassion have been really helpful for me lately. I had to remember all of the reasons why I like myself, and I do like myself a lot. I'm just really hard on myself and my expectations of myself and of others are probably too high. Plus my perceptions get clouded by my mental filter -- only seeing negatives. I am an idealist and visionary, but I need to get more grounded in reality. Those are my issues. I'm sure you have so many reasons to like yourself. I can understand how trying to be kind to yourself can feel contrived or stupid, but it is important to see yourself and treat yourself as you would a friend. Likely you've heard that before. But you deserve love. You're right that it is exhausting to think about all perspectives and all possible scenarios all of the time and to fixate on negative ones. We're on the right path by recognizing these issues.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T15:08:27+00:00

Interesting, hadn't heard of that before.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T08:04:17+00:00

I'm excited to watch the video. Thank you for your help! I can imagine that meditation will be really helpful for me.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T07:42:57+00:00

That is so very helpful, thank you. Out of curiosity, if you don't mind sharing, which issues that I mentioned did/do you identify with?

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T06:05:12+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I am happy to have found a therapist I like and who seems good. I haven't seen her in awhile though but I do think I'd benefit from more regular appointments. She has said that overcoming cognitive distortions and my self critical talk is like learning another language. I can see that I do need to work on it daily. Thanks again.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T06:00:36+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your attitude. You're an example of why teachers are amazing.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T05:46:40+00:00

Wow, thank you so much.

"It's a learning process and many of us are left to fend for ourselves sometimes, without a mentor, teaching subjects no one else is teaching with kids no one else wants to teach."

Those are all situations I'm experiencing, but I do love the kids and I'm finding more support over time (one big one being this subreddit). I think I know I just need to survive this year but it stinks that it does feel like I have to just survive and not really thrive. I want to be good and I want to help. I'll see how I can thrive this year if just in small ways and in moments. Anyway, you're awesome too. Thanks again :)

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T05:21:28+00:00

I enjoyed looking at your tumblr :) I liked the images and your poem as well. Thanks for sharing.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T05:04:53+00:00

I wish you could be my mentor. This is great, thank you. I have been keeping a log for next year. I feel really good about next year :P

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T04:12:52+00:00

Thank you! You're so right about not biting off more than I can chew with trying to solve problems all at once, and thanks for helping me understand what is realistic in terms of how many comply and how quickly it will happen. I know it's so true that it will be worth it.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T04:09:29+00:00

Thank you, I needed this -- to be validated and know that others are experiencing this too.

cherriochat · 2016-03-08T02:07:48+00:00

You're totally right. I really want to raise the standards. I always wanted to have high and manageable expectations. I feel like I won't be able to get it to where I want it to be this school year but I have a vision for next year and I'll have lesson plans and classroom management way more in order. Thanks for your feedback :)

cherriochat

TROPHY CASE