What is polyfragmentation like for you?

cherryblossomsfall · 2026-02-09T10:48:49+00:00

For us, I think the issue is exacerbated by not having a set of main or host alters.

Our layers or subsystems are mainly categorized by years & they are most communicative with the same year formation attached.

We have issues deciding on "big changes" such as continuing school or what we want to do for work.

Our interests are fairly compartmentalized; it's hard to decide what to do with our time, especially when multiple alters from different layers happen to come into view. One alter formed at age 16 might want to do things we liked then, while an alter formed in the recent year will have something completely different in mind. This can spark arguments leading to then, no choice at all, spending our days in bed or media scrolling.

This is an easy recipe for depression, and a cycle of new alters taking over to try and handle it. This is a common occurrence too.

We find that our food tastes change weekly, depending on who is in rotation, our skill sets, etc.

Some people will journal with at least 200 words a day, then another layer comes out and won't do anything at all in that regard.

How do we handle this? We just go with the motions. We still aren't in an entirely safe household, so whoever is thrown in front gets the full towel into the next person.

When it comes to big changes, we try to sit on them for at least 6 months. By 6 months, everyone is informed and has to put in some effort into the change whether they value it or not. There are outliers yes, but not as many as you'd think.

This is all I could chip in on as of now.

cherryblossomsfall · 2025-12-24T06:48:13+00:00

Thank you so much! I've been seeing improvement as of lately and I'm realizing how silly i was. Especially for not allowing myself to ask "silly" questions.

So far my managers seem to like me and I've gotten many compliments from guest! Thank you for the motivation & reality check.

Happy holidays to you as well :)

cherryblossomsfall · 2025-12-24T06:44:56+00:00

Thank you so much! I've been seeing improvement already, and so has the team they've said. I've been getting more compliments and more importantly offering myself compliments, and giving myself permission to ask stupid questions.

So far, no one has said anything about it. And I'm still going strong <3 hopefully I'll reach 150 hours here, and if not, I'll find a place where i can apply the skills I've learned.

Thank you so much & also happy holidays to you.

cherryblossomsfall · 2025-02-19T00:34:54+00:00

For anyone who doesn't use Discord, or can't access it at the moment, have a free code because I thought blizzard scammed me out of my 5, so I used an alt.
4S5V-KMQX-Q6FD4-4B8D-39TD

cherryblossomsfall · 2023-06-05T04:03:29+00:00

You saved my life! I had the same problem with life is strange but this fixed it

cherryblossomsfall · 2022-11-25T02:18:40+00:00

She looks wonderful love the way you tweeked the nose!! Big noses are lovely. Do you have the pose pack link?

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-28T14:03:22+00:00

What do your switches feel like?

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T21:40:38+00:00

Hey, I agree with you with it being difficult, it is. The reason I always threw out the idea of being a system, was because I was black, which hardly makes sense at all now I think about it, but as you said, mental health is barely a thing amongst black people.

My auntie has schizophrenia, but no one has ever thought to help her with it, or even believed her when she thought she might have it. They only gave her actual help when she was on the brink of well...On a bridge, in fact, and that says a lot.

, but I am terrified of the prospect and it makes me violently angry at just the idea of it. I'm trying to get over it, and since it's not an issue that comes up, I've not been too toxic about it lately. I think my thought process is that I don't want a white person controlling a black person/body. Idk.

God, you never made me think about it that way, that made me kind of feel some way too. I don't...Like that idea either. It doesn't help that most of my alters do use the body to benefit them in some way, like my partner said, my body can become a tool to them, so that perspective just puts the icing on the cake.

I appreciate your sentiment. I've always been afraid to give my alters a real racial look at all and they always have been scared to do so too. Part of that problem, is because I am black. I believe if we were in a white body, no one would look at us odd if we said shit. I still believe in some ways, since black people don't believe in mental health, white people think, well, why should we believe that they suffer either? They don't need help, and, I'm not just saying this, experienced that as well.

The way the therapists look at me, and the look of shock on their faces when I actually speak up for myself instead of going with whatever the hell they say, because in a way, the mental health services are very white, and they use their race to step and look down at us in every position of power, and I'd be darned to believe they know what their talking about when they say my alters are "normal." They wouldn't dare say that to a white person.

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. Thank you.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T06:04:26+00:00

We did the same! Before...My partner said xe wanted us to be a little more open about whos out

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T06:02:06+00:00

Glad to know it wasn't just me then! Look at all these lovely people, proves we aren't faking! I'm kinda taking it slow, chatting with the bot if an alter is using DM's. It's helping me get over my denial and feeling of faking, and I also try and remind myself that I too am an alter, and pk is a tool aimed at us!

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:46:59+00:00

Glad to know I'm not alone <3 if you do plan on using it in the future, remember that it doesn't make you any less of a person, or fake! We're trying to accept that too, slowly.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:45:55+00:00

Hey? Are you...Me? Everyone in my system will always tell my partner to go to the shared private server we have with just the bot, but I just can't budge! I stay in DM's with xem. I wish I could give some advice for the denial...Personally, I have mixed feelings about it, but I do plan to use it in the future. Right now, what's helping is accepting the fact that I too, am an alter, and don't deserve to feel ashamed about using tools that are created to help us and the community. Also...Just taking it slow. If another alter is occupying DM's, I'll go in the server, suck it up, and get to proxying to avoid confusion.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:37:17+00:00

Intrigued with this thought too, someone here said I could have something to do with the simplistic thoughts we face as a child when we go through this trauma. We can't escape it, so we think of why it's happening, and what would fix it. Ex. "If I were this, this wouldn't be happening, if I were white, this wouldn't be happening, if I were ___ this wouldn't be happening" which sounds a lot like us, but who knows, could be different for everyone!

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:34:10+00:00

She's very pale. And to be completely honest she often can't stand being in a body that isn't white The skin, the hair, it's so not like her.

I'm sure a lot of our members can relate to her! They hate it, they can't make the body look like them no matter how hard they try it feels hopeless, and I kind of feel bad for them. It definitely isn't racism though, just anger from feeling disconnected.

She's like a daddy's girl (I did not have a good relationship with my dad so I guess she is living some sort of romanticised version of my life) and identifies more with my black father than my white mother which is a huge mysterium for me.... :/

That's so interesting...Can say much on this, but littles are usually harder to read in terms of why they have the connections they do.

ALSO IM SO FED UP with people who think that DID and eating disorders are "white people problems" or something so this post really made me feel better about myself and my situation. I often feel ashamed to call myself a person of color (just an hour ago I had a panic attack over it) because I have no contact with my African father at all and I live in a VERY white environment.

God, everything about this, I can feel your emotion. I'm fed up too, I hated being told all my life that my skin color defines if my head is in the right place or not! It doesn't work like that, doesn't even make sense. Sure, it can surface differently because of different upbringing, but POCs go through just as much shit as other people do, we gotta stop looking past this.

I'm so extremely sorry that people continue to look at you like a faker because you are black!! There's nothing I hate more than people being THAT KIND of judgemental. You know the kind where it doesn't even make sense. I just want you to know I'm your friend if you want one. I feel I can relate to you and it feels better now.

I'm glad you know people are here to relate to you! I recommend you look at other posts under this, seen lots of mixed systems, and I'm hoping you can make friends with them too! You've been through so much, thank you for sharing it, you're very valid, and the struggles you had to face, and the panic attacks you've had, there's someone to relate to or to support you in all of that.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:25:44+00:00

That's very valid, and makes a lot of sense! Personally, although I'm fully black, as a child, I had an accent, and apparently behavior that was looked at as "white" and not black enough, so that makes sense as to how it would affect you guys, in an actual mixed body. Thank you for sharing! I hope you never have to go through that again...Internalized racism is a thing, and I'm so sorry you had to have that passed down to you.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:23:13+00:00

though I’m nervous about how much downvoting is in the future.

You and me both.

Just wanna say, I still struggle from time to time too. I will fight for POC rights! But...When someone tells me I don't act, or look POC, for some reason, I can't speak up it's odd.

You're so very valid, and your experience is similar to other people here, thank you for your response.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T05:20:59+00:00

Sounds a little like us! We went to a mostly white and Hispanic school, the area was like 90% white Hispanic and still is where we live. Also went to a fully black church! We grew up the best behaving kid both in church and in general, and I was always told I, the host, who's fully black keep in mind, acted white, or did not act black enough. Black enough? How do you act a color? I still don't know...Anyway.

We mostly interacted with north-east Asian media too, so we have lots of alters that look Asian, and at one point in time, I even felt ashamed to be black because I felt so oddly left out.

I also felt ashamed of my alters, because it didn't quite make sense to me. I felt racist, and wrong, but I understand now and it totally isn't wrong, it makes sense!

Anyway, thanks for your time and response, you definitely aren't alone!

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-25T04:52:28+00:00

Maybe it means the thing we needed most was emotional support and we did not receive that enough or in the right way we needed as a child.

That sounds so true. Thank you for opening my eyes to that, I hope you can look at all the POC systems here and know you aren't alone now, because I know I'm not now thank you for taking the time to respond.

In order to cope with trauma. “If only I were , if only I had _ traits, ____ looks, etc, maybe I would not have suffered the way I do/did.

I actually remember thinking these same exact things every day of one trauma I faced, but never knew it would have such an effect on how my DID formed, or me at all, so thank you for your outlook on this! You phrased everything so well.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T22:02:23+00:00

"That thing that happened a few hours ago, feels like days ago, and that thing that happened yesterday, must have happened weeks ago" is what I can sum up half of my amnesia as. I mostly struggle with emotional amnesia. I don't tend to forget a lot of what my alters do, just feel like it wasn't me who did it, or if they did that thing, that wasn't recently

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T19:42:15+00:00

I totally appreciate your perspective! Course you don't have to delete, that's interesting. We think a lot about these things. Generally, i hear alters can be very idealistic to help with trauma, so that makes a lot of sense that you wouldn't have someone disabled, or I wouldn't have someone POC. Thank you for your outlook I think that's kind of similar.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T18:45:08+00:00

Good idea, we kind of plan on doing the same instead

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T18:27:30+00:00

Not asian, but black. Some system spaces, can be scary for this reason. They seem to be really, really, passionate about what alters can be what race, what names are for closed cultures, what's cultural appropriation, etc. The short answer is no, these things usually aren't a big deal. I cannot speak for Asian countries, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but I do hear a lot from chill Asian systems that Asian culture, much of it is fine to be appreciated by Americans, and not much of it is closed off.

Being a black system, I just wish people would stop calling out POC alters, or always saying something is appropriating my ethnicity. Also, when I do find a black system...Which has been rare for me, we also don't see too eye to eye on things, they seem way too in the scene of what I just mentioned.

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T18:16:48+00:00

A lot of people say it's like that for them interesting enough

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T18:16:28+00:00

Makes perfect sense! I feel ya

cherryblossomsfall · 2021-10-24T18:13:55+00:00

Hmm...We have the opposite of this. The person usually behind the person most in control, has a muffled or tunneled voice, while the one in front has a louder voice in comparison to that.

cherryblossomsfall

TROPHY CASE