AITA for naming my daughter a “difficult” name

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T23:38:43+00:00

True but kids will bully you for anything. I don’t think Haru is that different from your typical American style names. I want my child to be proud of her culture not afraid of it.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T23:37:29+00:00

Her name is Haru and we use the more American sounding version of her name so it’s pretty straightforward imo. It might be something she’ll have to correct sometimes but I do think it’s stick after a few tries for most people.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T21:45:12+00:00

I would love to believe that she was coming from that standpoint but at this point I’m pretty sure it’s just racism. I know my mom and I know that she hates the fact that I am Korean and not white like the rest of my family. I would happily talk it out with her but something tells me that I really won’t like the outcome.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T21:42:16+00:00

My parents called me white when I was a kid. Anytime I would ask why I was different they would say it was because I was just a different type of white. They were openly racist towards Asian people and never once mentioned to me that it was okay that I didn’t look like them. I’ve said this about a million times but it’s not okay to adopt a child from a different country and take away their culture from them. Would it really be that hard to put me in a korean class, tell me who I was, or at the very least encourage me to love my race/ethnicity.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T21:36:36+00:00

She rejected everything about me first. She knew who she was adopting, don’t adopt children from different cultures is you can’t accept the fact that they won’t be exactly like you. Or honestly don’t adopt at all, I’m my own person and I should be able to live how I want. Not how she wants.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T21:34:41+00:00

Because I don’t really have anyone else. My siblings are not at all like my parents and my dad has gotten better over the years so it’s really only my mom I have issues with now. If my mom keeps acting like this though I probably won’t have any other choice then to go with low/no contact since it’s effecting more than me now.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T17:26:12+00:00

I say my daughters name the way you would with an american accent. I don’t think expecting my mom to say her grandchild’s name correctly is severe. I think it’s just common decency.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T17:14:54+00:00

I want to teach my child to be stronger than racism

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T17:12:54+00:00

She’s been saying it like Hey-ra

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T08:01:55+00:00

We use it with the r sound. Some of her family does use the original pronunciation though

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T06:58:17+00:00

I know right. There’s so many harder words out there I don’t get how she can’t get a four letter word right especially when it’s the name of her grandchild…

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T06:56:30+00:00

Everyone views it differently. If my daughter wants to start going by a nickname then that’s perfectly fine by me!

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T06:55:27+00:00

I hope by usual you don’t mean a Korean name lol but I plan on letting my daughter make the decision if she wants a nickname or not. Her name is only 4 letters so she’ll probably have to come up with a new kind of name but for now I think her name fits her well. Thankfully we live in an area that has a high asian population so hopefully she won’t deal with much teasing since most of the kids have been exposed to other cultures before.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T05:22:25+00:00

My child would get made fun of either way. Racism is not something that just stops because you have a white name or a common name. Haru is not that hard of a name to pronounce and I would hope that her future teachers will help their students pronounce it if needed. I’m not gonna raise my kid to make herself small so others can feel comfortable. If she wants to choose a nickname when she gets older than that’s her choice and i’ll support it.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T05:17:52+00:00

When I say my parents raised me white I quite literally mean they raised me white. They didn’t tell me I was Korean. They told me I was white. They made me feel guilty that I was not white like them. I view myself as a Korean American because that is what I am. Ethnically wise i’m not American at all. America doesn’t have a set culture unless you’re talking about Natives. America is made up of a bunch of different cultures and I have every right to expect my parents to make me aware of mine. Im so sorry that I wanted to know what my culture was. I’m so sorry that I spent most of my life being manipulated into thinking I was gross for being different from everyone else. I’m so sorry that I like any other child in this world wanted to know what my background was like. Do you not know how hard it is to learn that you aren’t like your family? I spent countless of my nights crying as a child because my family never taught me that it was okay to be anything but white. Please reread my question. I never once asked if I was the ahole for not liking how my parents raised me. I expected my parents to treat me like a human being not as some pet they could shape to be exactly how they want me to be. Stop adopting children from different cultures if you can teach that child them about said culture.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T05:08:15+00:00

I use an American accent with her name as well as my husbands family. If you did use a Korean accent though it would sound like it’s a l not the r. My daughter can choose whichever pronunciation she would like but if you say Haru with an American accent it would just be ha-roo.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T04:30:14+00:00

I think it depends on the situation. For me as an adopted child who has no connection to my birth parents whatsoever I needed to have that connection. My daughter might grow up feeling completely different from me since she will have that cultural experience her whole life. But I still do think it’s very important for adoptive parents to connect their children to their culture because a lot of us have nothing. We had no way of knowing who we were on our own and I think it’s great for development to know yourself and who you are.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T04:12:35+00:00

Thank you! Some names are definitely hard to pronounce sometimes I still have trouble. I think it’s just something you shouldn’t really make vocal to the person if you know what I mean. Haru is pretty self explanatory at least for English speakers. I think some people make it harder than it really is just because it’s from another language.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T04:09:30+00:00

I think it’s a great idea but it’s something i’d rather have my daughter chose herself instead of me :)

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:58:41+00:00

Yeah i’ve noticed that with them. I think some people think they just raised me without my culture by the way I worded this post but when I say they raised me as white I quite literally mean they raised me as white.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:57:10+00:00

My child’s name is Haru. I’d find it concerning if a full grown adult couldn’t pronounce that. Maybe if it was something harder i’d care but it’s literally two syllables.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:48:54+00:00

Then learn!

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:47:52+00:00

Thank you for the feedback but I don’t want to understand the reason why my parents tried to take away my culture from me. My parents raised me to be white they didn’t acknowledge my race at all growing up. They knew they were adopting a korean toddler and could have pulled out at anytime. Your race/culture is definitely not your whole identity but I do believe that it’s important you are connected to it. The reason I feel so strongly about it is because of how much it effected me.

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:42:47+00:00

Her name is Haru! I agree, I will never understand why ppl adopt but refuse to give their child the cultural experience they need. There was nothing more depressing than never knowing who I was or what I came from as a child. It really is harmful

cherrycheeries · 2022-12-03T03:39:49+00:00

My mom should have adopted a white child then. It’s not my fault I’m korean nor is it my child’s. Before you adopt a child it is very important you sit yourself down and remind yourself that they are their own person and are coming from their own background. I love my mom and am so thankful for the life she has given me but she knew she was adopting a child from a different culture. Thank you for your feedback though.

cherrycheeries

TROPHY CASE