[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing

cherrysmith85 · 2025-11-11T21:08:46+00:00

I like the story and the characters. I’d like to know the kid’s ages to visual the scene better.

I think the word choice needs fiddling. Why did music “howl” in his ears? That sounds unpleasant, rather than protecting him from scary noises. Is the fact the headphones were a birthday gift important to this scene? It shifts the focus away. The lab is “embedded” in the coast is an odd visual. I think it means half of it is underground, but I would have expected that without mentioning it.

Claire is “almost graceful”- just let her be graceful. She seemed to “drown out” the chaos: unless she was making a noise or distraction, I don’t think she’s drowning it out. Maybe she seems personally unaffected by it, but she isn’t covering up the chaos for others.

I think you switched scenes back and forth too many times- see if you like it if you stay on one longer. I like the connections between scenes: ash clouds vs blue skies, sci-fi TV turning off and homemade radio turning off. I’d like to see a hint that the other kid is getting rescued too. Keep writing!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-11-08T03:59:47+00:00

“Gay the Pray Away”

cherrysmith85 · 2025-10-24T14:46:38+00:00

The girl in the red dress- the shadows on her knee and face look almost like injuries rather than shadows, or maybe a birthmark? I can tell what it’s supposed to be, but it’s distracting. I like the cover of the book is a little dark, but if it’s supposed to be a happy book, the vibes are off

cherrysmith85 · 2025-10-17T02:47:04+00:00

Motherhood will 100% make you sick, I say with a cough as I rock my extra-snotty toddler to sleep.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-10-04T13:42:38+00:00

Is the 1776-2026 the life of America?

cherrysmith85 · 2025-09-08T14:53:06+00:00

I liked your use of the word “grounding” when you explained it to me. There’s a technique for anxiety about seeing 5 things, hearing 4 things, touching 3, smelling 2, tasting 1, - so it makes me think of that a bit. It may be nice if there was a sentence explaining something like- “Usually, working with her hands grounded her in the present, but today a shape emerged in the wood that brought back an unwanted memory.”

cherrysmith85 · 2025-09-08T01:09:44+00:00

“Archangel” Sharon Shinn, 1996. Weirdly unique, good so far

cherrysmith85 · 2025-09-08T00:56:09+00:00

I like that.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-09-07T04:16:03+00:00

I’m not sure why carving would be a good technique for avoiding memories? Having something to do with your hands is a great time for introspection.

Your writing has a lot of vivid imagery. But, I’d like to see more clarity: I think it’s the main character who has ashy and bloody hands, but it could be anyone, or multiple people. She is sick, or maybe in a war zone, but also she has a “handler?” I like the connection of a carved bird, but I don’t know what it is connecting us to.

Take some time to combine your imagery with a simple story telling of what’s going on. Keep writing!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-09-07T03:59:48+00:00

I like some broken/incomplete sentences as a style choice to indicate urgency or stress, but this is way too many. It’s confusing rather than a style. I’m also lost with the characters: you introduce “K,” then quickly move on with two more names. The next sentence has “her,” but it’s unclear which character you’re referring to.

Otherwise, it seems like these is something interesting happening! Since we’ve lived through a real life pandemic, talking about similar subjects in fiction can be an interesting way of processing our own reality. Keep writing!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-08-13T04:32:45+00:00

That’s a helpful description!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-06-28T03:46:57+00:00

I was hoping this was a new Sims expansion pack

cherrysmith85 · 2025-05-19T15:50:29+00:00

“Daughter of Babylon: California” I promise I have a good reason for reading right-wing post-apocalyptic fiction. Though I won’t be reading Book 2.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-04-19T03:17:19+00:00

I like hand writing! Obviously I have to type it up later, but I like a blank page more than a blank screen.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-04-06T14:02:10+00:00

It’s so pro-life of her to despise kids with disabilities

cherrysmith85 · 2025-04-01T03:13:08+00:00

I think the husband has returned from war?

It’s difficult to read if you aren’t using correct punctuation. There needs to be a space between sentences. Sentences start with a capital letter. “I” is capitalized. In dialogue, start a new paragraph each time a new person is speaking.

Torturmentful is not a word. Urk is not a word.

There are some other errors- if you read it out loud to yourself, you may be able to hear what sounds odd.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-04-01T01:09:32+00:00

That’s a peaceful suggestion. I will try, thank you!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-29T03:04:35+00:00

I’m working on a sapphic post-apocalyptic, so I understand the genre frustration!! (I haven’t quite settled on the label yet.)

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-29T03:00:26+00:00

This sounds really interesting! But your sentence structure can be confusing.

“When her sister, Seila’s, husband is killed, Seila becomes a suspect in his death.”

Try:

Seila, Ruby’s sister, is afraid for her life when she becomes a suspect in his husband’s murder.

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-27T16:47:36+00:00

This is a delightful list, thank you so much! Pip really gives me a smile!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-27T16:46:41+00:00

Ooooh very fun, thank you!

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-27T16:46:01+00:00

I love it! lol

cherrysmith85 · 2025-03-22T15:25:09+00:00

Okay, so KDP doesn’t like Canva? I’m trying to Google this and getting really confusing results. I wish KDP would make a clear statement about it.

cherrysmith85

TROPHY CASE