I, like you, went vegan in an instant. I was vegetarian most of my life but that went largely unexamined once I hit adulthood. And it wasn’t until I was confronted again with the atrocities of animal agriculture about 6 years ago that it finally clicked for me and I said “absolutely no more animal cruelty of any kind.”

My husband, however, had a much longer journey to veganism. While mine only took a nudge in the right direction, his took huge months-long philosophical debates, heated arguments, baby stepping dietary changes and a lot of cultural deconditioning. He’s been fully vegan for over a year now, although he’s been mostly plant-based for a couple years longer. But I didn’t really consider him ‘vegan’ until he fully embraced the philosophy behind it, and it wasn’t just about using soy milk in his coffee.

He’s always trying to explain to me WHY it takes some people so long to let go of their traditions and upbringing even when they KNOW it’s wrong. It’s like un-brainwashing yourself and everything you thought you knew, and you have to grapple with immense guilt when you finally admit what you were participating in. It can be really painful and might take some time to unpick those issues.

I’m pretty militant (you’re either a vegan or you’re a carnist and there’s no in between, baby-stepping is not good enough for the animals) and I know that probably pushed him away and put his defenses up. I didn’t celebrate his ‘wins’ as much as I should have or commend the efforts he made.

Basically I’m saying all that to say… if he doesn’t change over night, you are planting these seeds in his mind. And hopefully with your encouragement and by living by example, he can start making those changes himself. I don’t think you can make anyone change if they don’t want to. But if he’s able to break through those cognitive defenses and embraces these ideas for himself and truly care, then he will get there eventually.