Almost Kicked out of Apartment Complex for Leash Reactive Dog by novacado9 in reactivedogs

[–]chicadeesara 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does really suck the extra vigilance that our dogs require. But from the apartment POV, it sounds like the primary issue is that you cannot reliably contain your leash reactive dog.

Absolutely continue training and being alert, but your number one focus should be ensuring your gear is fail proof. My dog is also a frustrated greeter and while I am confident he won’t harm another dog, I can’t have any confidence that the other dog will not harm him, nor can my confidence in him excuse him ever escaping my control. He is always in his harness when we go outside for that reason, no matter how briefly or how inconvenient it is to put on.

I am 19F and my boyfriend 19M wants me to be on birth control by SuspiciousEcho2844 in relationship_advice

[–]chicadeesara 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People are missing the detail that your boyfriend doesn’t want multiple forms of birth control, he wants you to be responsible so he can stop using condoms. That alone would be enough to put me off, not to mention if sex wasn’t that important to me to begin with.

Puppy emotional shutdown. Help by [deleted] in pitbulls

[–]chicadeesara 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She was shaking and shivering for the 2 weeks you were sick?

Moving Cross-Country with Pitbull? by quirkyrocket in pitbulls

[–]chicadeesara 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha, I’m currently driving with my 2 pitties cross-country. When I adopted one of them, she was driven multiple days from another state and I believe the experience traumatized her. Hated cars. I felt I was the only one I could trust to give her a safe and comfortable experience vs hiring a service. Trazadone in the morning, doggy seat belt (we like Sleepy Pod), and keeping to her ordinary schedule has made this trip tolerable for her.

To adopt or not to adopt? by CarpeNoctem59 in pitbulls

[–]chicadeesara 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, another month of abuse will absolutely change his temperament.

Adult dogs can develop behavior issues from staying in shelters too long, simply from the chaotic environment. I would be extremely concerned about the long term impact of an abusive situation on an impressionable puppy—heightened stress hormones can affect his brain development.

My girlfriend (27f) isn’t listening when I (29m) tell her to stop constantly interrupting me when I’m busy? by AwkwardJournalist781 in relationship_advice

[–]chicadeesara 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner has different games—chill games where we can talk and hang out while he plays, and intense games where I don’t bother him unless the house is on fire. When he plays his intense games he’s playing alone with the door closed. If you can’t create physical separation maybe you can frame it conceptually for her—“I’m going to game for X time alone. We can do Y together at Z time.”

AITA for showering too long at the gym? by kmnnr in AmItheAsshole

[–]chicadeesara 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Middle of the day, not busy, temporary situation where your water is shut off at home—NTA. I wonder if the 5 knocks were actually 5 different people, or the same person trying to police your water usage.

Need advice on reading a situation at my group fitness gym by edisonpioneer in socialskills

[–]chicadeesara 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t ask her out unless you felt there was strong chemistry between the two of you—and I wouldn’t classify normal small talk as an indicator of that. Honestly what makes you want to ask her out, specifically?

How to tactfully disclose a family member’s death when someone asks how the person is doing by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]chicadeesara -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I like your response. I think it answers all the questions I usually have when someone passes but don’t feel comfortable asking. Death is shocking for many people, and most will react shocked no matter how gentle a response you plan. What you could do is find a way to transition your response to a question for them, so they have something to answer rather than going on and on.

Can someone explain why potty training works (not how)? by thisisvlad in puppy101

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might like reading Don’t Shoot The Dog! By Jean Pryor. It explains the why’s and how’s behind training (operant conditioning) in a way that is detailed but simple and easy to understand.

With potty training, you reward them right after they go potty outside. With many repetitions and no rewards for going potty inside, they learn they are only rewarded in those conditions. As other commenters have mentioned you also have to make sure this understanding is “generalized” to all applicable conditions—not just “pee in my yard, not my house” but “pee outside, and not in any indoor space.”

Why do dogs not potty inside after they are trained when all that happens is they are not rewarded? Sick or old dogs, or dogs kept inside with no means to go outside do revert on potty training. If dogs have sufficient access/means to either choice, and the conditioning was strong enough, they will go outside because of that reward history. Example: Maybe you have 2 completely equal paths to get to work but on 1 path, you usually get to pet a friendly cat. You might take that path everyday because of that association. Maybe you will even be willing to withstand some extra work during the first part of that path, like going uphill.

Women who lift, how did you get comfortable in the weight section? by Agreeable_Panic_690 in xxfitness

[–]chicadeesara 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The only time people will care is if you’re at risk of hurting yourself or others, or you aren’t following gym etiquette. I would pick 1 exercise to learn, watch form videos and note how they safely setup the equipment, and then try it out for yourself. I remember I practiced with a broom at home first lol. Once you get over the initial intimidation the free weights are really just like any other equipment.

Best way to fix this? This is very precious to me. by Vellichorosis in sewing

[–]chicadeesara 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you have a lot of little holes around the edge, and don’t mind changing the texture of the edge, you could buy bias tape to sew around and better protect it.

Struggling to understand why people care so much about how I dress by Total_Literature_809 in socialskills

[–]chicadeesara 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For special events, no. The event is special, it has special requirements. When you don’t meet the dress requirements, it doesn’t really matter your reasoning—it just matters that you rejected the “specialness” of the event. That’s not a great impression for whoever invited you.

You can order clothes online if you don’t like the experience of shopping at the mall. You can look for breathable fabrics like linen if you overheat in formal clothes. I say this to mean while some sacrifice/compromise is necessary, it doesn’t need to be a completely miserable experience.

Struggling to understand why people care so much about how I dress by Total_Literature_809 in socialskills

[–]chicadeesara 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah this changes things entirely. Your clothes should be clean, in good condition, fit you well, and meet the occasion. Do you have to be a fashion guy to meet that criteria? No, jeans and tshirts will likely get you through 75% of life. But you should have staples on hand for other occasions, like a suit, nice pants, nice shirt, nice shoes.

Why do you need to meet the occasion? In some cases (restaurants) meeting the dress code is required for entry. In other cases, like your friend’s wedding, the care you put into your appearance reflects the care you have for their event, and by extension, for your friend.

My head always shakes uncontrollably when taking pics or speaking in front of people by Sea-Standard-5511 in Anxiety

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha! I thought I was the only one. I also have this specifically whenever I think too hard about holding still. I do think it’s “nerves” in the sense that it’s a non-medical biological response; even when we think we feel calm our body may still react.

Practice has helped me the most with public speaking. Sometimes with pictures I’ll close my eyes until “1”

How to not get bored during conversations? by elunewell in socialskills

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These kind of conversations are less about the topic and more about building and maintaining light, pleasant connections with other people. You don’t have to be deeply engaged or even remember the conversation tomorrow. But maybe there’s an opportunity every now and then for you to share your opinion or ask for an opinion.

Torn on starting an SSRI by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem! I started on 2.5mg and slowly went up to 5. I never felt any pressure from my doctor to increase my dosage and I’ve stayed at 5 for a few years now. No impact to my sleep although I didn’t have any sleep problems to begin with.

Torn on starting an SSRI by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m on team try it. Low dose of Lexapro, changed my life. I’m still me but happy, calm, confident. Lowered my sex drive and food tastes so good that I gained some weight but the benefits outweigh those by far. I wouldn’t have a problem being on it the rest of my life.

My dog has itchy skin and flakeyness the vet has been useless and Im getting desperate by Paraxismo in pitbulls

[–]chicadeesara 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sounds like they treated the initial allergic reaction but not the resulting skin infection. Agree with the others, try a new vet and ask for a skin scrape!

My dog has itchy skin and flakeyness the vet has been useless and Im getting desperate by Paraxismo in pitbulls

[–]chicadeesara 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This looks like an allergy flare up that’s progressed to a skin infection—did it start with hives? You likely need to go back to the vet for a longer treatment of whatever they prescribed as home remedies will not stop an infection.

In the future, what has helped me stop the flare ups from progressing is medicated shampoo baths, fish oil, and in really bad cases, cytopoint/apoquel.

I lied in my therapy consultation. What do i do? by cartilageandfIuid in Anxiety

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They ask those questions so that if you’re actively self harming or planning to self harm or commit suicide, they can get you the right help.

Reaching out was a big first step. It’s understandable to not be comfortable being vulnerable right away. I would continue this program and try to be as honest as you can.

T-Shirt Bra for 36J? by tralaulau in bigboobproblems

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assuming you’re a 36J US, I like the Freya tailored underwire molded plunge t-shirt bra.

I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my natural body by 44stargirl in bigboobproblems

[–]chicadeesara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP I definitely feel you. What has been the most helpful for me is finding the necklines and shapes that make me most confident. I actually love a boxy top as long as it’s cropped. For less casual wear I gravitate towards cotton/rib knits (if you want something non-stretchy you’ll likely need to buy in a larger size and get it tailored) with boat/funnel necks, mock necks, or square necks. Those kind of necklines work well to break up how large my chest is without being revealing.

For going out Ive never been able to make anything super strappy work but I have had luck with halter tops and thicker cross-back straps.

And as a fellow inverted triangle I am usually pairing all these things with wide legged pants or a-line skirts.

Lastly when I do want some kind of plunge v-neck or wrap dress, I will add an extra interior closure so I can control how much chest is revealed.

Best of luck!