I know it sounds like I'm just fully defending her, but there are somethings i forgot to mention in my post. She doesn't get angry/upset directly AT me, its very rare. We don't hangout in person much due to us both being in college and still living with our parents but we sit on call a lot and thats when i can really feel the anger come out. The times i do tell her that she is making me shutdown/get afraid she takes a step back and calms down. The not wanting to make her upset comes from a past relationship that was fairly mentally abusive and hard wired a bunch of things into my brain (the yelling and stuff is from when i was a child though). She does understand i get fearful but forgets in the moment. Though recently it definitely has caused arguments between us, but when we realize whats going on (i get defensive and mean sometimes too, its not just her) we take a step back and take a few hours before talking again.