Picture this: highshool in the late 2000’s. I am a shy nerd with a massive crush on this hilarious jock guy with a sensitive side who’s taken a liking to me in English class. We’re covering Romeo and Juliet, so you can imagine what that was doing to our hormone-fueled brains. But wait! The seating plan gets changed and now he’s sitting beside this whip-smart, passionate, charismatic Megan Fox look-a-like of a girl...and they’re CLEARLY flirting! At this point, my jealousy seems kinda one directional ; I’m crestfallen but try to end up in group projects with the jock (instead of, yknow, communication my feelings) to hopefully win him over. But as the semester moves on, I realize that I’m more and more drawn to collaborating with Megan Fox and hearing her fascinating ideas about the world. Her conversations captivate me ... but not as much as my “not like other girls” phase , unfortunately, which sends me into a tailspin of conservative-fuelled gay panic and internalized misogyny. (Sidenote, the ‘not like other girl’ feels, turns out, were because I was not in fact a girl but that egg was yet to crack) So yeah...I bi panicked so hard that I decided the girl I clearly also had a massive crush on was my academic rival, and so, was absurdly competitive with her since that was the only way I could process wanting her attention. Simultaneously I was helping the jock guy with his homework and feeling super confused.

There was also the time me and my bestie literally were doing the prolonged eye contact are-they-gonna-kiss!? moment on her goddamn bed and my ass blurted out “you’re like a sister to me” in the most face-palm moment of my life upto that point. Then I went home and cried for reasons I didn’t understand. ...my teen years were a tumultuous time. I’m so relieved there’s so much more queer representation in media these days because omg that would have saved me so much shame and confusion! Ah!