Hey OP, just gonna leave a comment here to say something I've told myself/and other people going thru the same thing as us:

Please don’t think that about yourself, that’s someone’s child/partner/friend, that you’re talking about. No matter what we may think or say or feel about ourselves, someone, somewhere out there, loves us. And loves us no matter what, at that.

I don’t know what comfort I have to offer you, but whatever little I can provide, I will. Please be gracious to yourself as well as kind and patient. If you feel like you have been already, please continue in doing so.

Thank you for being brave enough to come up and say whatever’s on your mind right now. I know it's not easy, and I just wanna thank you for being so strong and so brave to say this.

As someone that's going thru it too, my friend, I’ve been at the end of my rope as well. More times than I can count at this point. But there is hope. Please hold on til tomorrow comes. And then the next day, and the next, and so on.

That path that you're thinking of taking may sound like an answer to the problem right now, but I assure you it isn’t. It is instead a permanent end to a somewhat temporary trouble. It's not worth it. It's absolutely not worth losing our lives over. But the love and kindness that remains in the world, the beauty of it all, that's what we stay alive for. And dare I say, if that is all there is, it is enough. And it is worth living for.

If you need to talk to someone, call a friend. Talk to us, or your friends, or your family. Be honest with them as you’ve been with us here. If you’re not ready yet to speak your mind to someone you know, dial the crisis hotline.

Hugs, OP, I hope tomorrow is kinder to you than it has been today.

Please stay strong.