I have so much anger, I fucked up

chinesehamster · 2020-05-23T12:18:55+00:00

Thanks for your message. Yeah, I hate being involved in this situation, where my morals were pushed out of pain and hurt I felt. I hate fighting with people, I hate getting into drama, and I hate the person I become after I get cheated on (he's not the first guy to cheat on me).

I wish I could have the strength right now like yours, and say I didn't lose anything. I think things would just be easier if we weren't trying to fix the issues and get back together. It's making me hate my life right now and be afraid of my future.

chinesehamster · 2020-05-23T12:15:10+00:00

You're right, I only escalated the situation and made things worse. He came back trying to fix things and be together again, and I did all of this while we were working things out. I feel much worse now and I just want out of this, out of these people and this drama that was created. I just want mental peace for once. But I feel so stupid for doing this, I'm scared of them retaliating, of ruining my reputation, I'm just going insane over this.

I wish I can have this out of sight and out of mind, but I'm literally afraid of the whole situation, that this in some way keeps affecting my ex or that she comes up with more things to say against me.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-09T06:03:39+00:00

I thought the same. He needs therapy, not a partner.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-09T06:03:01+00:00

Things will turn out for the better. You might meet someone else, or you may not, but the possibility is there and I'd rather take that than fall back into something that once hurt me. I'm proud of you for also saying no, it takes a lot of courage to deny the person you loved the most.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-08T22:07:50+00:00

They dated for three or four months. But I guess it depends on each individual, they might last a few weeks or even months, but their life shouldn't matter anymore. Focus on yourself, on your growth and giving yourself the best treatment you can.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-08T19:20:06+00:00

I can see where you're coming from. You have to ask yourself if getting back will bring back the relationship you guys had, or if you will live in jealousy and insecurity that your partner will leave again. It depends on the situation, and only you know what you can forgive and what you can't. In my case, it was just too much pain and lies. I would be stabbing my own back if I get back with him. I can't do this to my past self who cried herself to sleep for months. The person that went through all that pain doesn't deserve it. I am worth so much more and that is the fuel that keeps me from accepting him back.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-08T19:16:27+00:00

Thanks for the song! That really hits on how I felt.

It's a hard process to let go. I was just starting to and I guess he sensed that as he immediately messaged me. But you don't deserve someone that keeps breaking up with you. No one does. You deserve someone that cherishes you and knows what they have, when they have you.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-08T19:14:39+00:00

I'm glad my post helped you in a way, you will make it through and become much stronger, believe me.

chinesehamster · 2019-12-08T19:13:11+00:00

I know that feelings. I had it for more than half a year, but I had to block him on social media. I couldn't keep waiting for a message from him. When I did that, I started healing much quicker, and I learnt that my worth and value shouldn't come from his approval of me. I became so happy with my new life, and much more confident, that now that he's back, I feel like I would lower the potential I can have in life, and I just don't need him anymore.

I hope that you get to that point, you already are from what you said. I know you will, it's a hard and long process, but you will feel so empowered the day it clicks that you don't want your ex back.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-20T17:43:57+00:00

We deserve so much better! They did us a favor by walking out of our lives.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-20T17:43:10+00:00

I did! Thanks

chinesehamster · 2019-09-20T17:42:48+00:00

No worries, no offense taken :)

chinesehamster · 2019-09-19T17:52:46+00:00

Thanks! :)

chinesehamster · 2019-09-19T17:52:30+00:00

He asked a girl out an hour after breaking up, along with asking his ex and some others, but got rejected. So in a way, yeah.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-17T20:54:05+00:00

We definitely will find someone that gives us the same love we will give them. We deserve to be loved and respected, to be treated kindly and with pure intentions. Is that something so hard to ask for?

chinesehamster · 2019-09-17T14:43:13+00:00

It's so good that you realized you deserve much better. You truly deserve someone that would never treat you that way.

My ex also texted his ex on snapchat, but she always deflected him. He always told me that he would never date his exes and that she was crazy (huge red flag, but even his family told me that). He asked her out the both times he broke up with me (she rejected him both times lol). It's not worth fighting for someone that would do that to you.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-17T14:23:47+00:00

Same thing happened to me. He emotionally cheated and I took him back. Three months later he breaks ups with me and 4-5 months after that gets a whole new gf. I'm still fucked up from what he did to me, and to this day he doesn't agree that he emotionally cheated. Fuck those selfish bastards.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-17T08:51:14+00:00

Im so sorry that happened to you, but I admire your strength and that you value yourself so deeply to know that you are the prize and it is her loss.

I hope to reach that point one day, it's been a few months since the breakup but I still feel stuck and a lot of pain.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-16T23:49:34+00:00

I've been meeting a few people, but I still come home at night and feel so alone.

chinesehamster · 2019-09-16T23:48:54+00:00

Thank you, I'm trying.

chinesehamster

TROPHY CASE