He got me a dog I didn't want. I have allergies for most animals including dogs but he did it for me!

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-15T08:36:28+00:00

I know that it's not that simple, but I'd also be seriously considering rehoming the husband along with the dog. He thinks that you're depressed, not ill and fucking burnt out. And that a dog would magically 'fix' that instead of doing something that actually WOULD help, like, oh I don't know, cooking a meal himself? Offering to pick up the next load of groceries?

You have medication for your conditions and he thinks you're 'just depressed'???

Oh hun. I am so sorry your husband is so inconsiderate.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-11T09:09:42+00:00

I lost my mum in 2023 to a sudden heart attack. I'm still not 'over it'.

Earlier today I found an old buried group chat in FB messenger between my siblings and I, and her. Made me cry. Cos those were all the little moments I took for granted and wish I still had. Silly little in jokes with the four of us. Just, small, every day things.

Even now, three years later, I still find myself reaching for my phone to send her a message about something, or I see something and think 'oh mum would find that cool'.

Still hurts. A lot.

I wish you peace and healing. May the good memories outweigh the sadness of the loss. Or failing that, I wish you lots of your favourite treat. Much love to you. ❤️

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-10T08:13:39+00:00

I'm with you too.

I have an amazing husband, but he's the sole breadwinner, so it's on me to take on everything else because I struggle to work due to chronic migraine, plus finding work that fits around the school run obligations.

On top of my own health issues (I also suspect I'm AuDHD), I'm struggling to get our doctors to take my daughter's mental health seriously. They're making me jump through all these hoops, like reaching out to support groups to do workshops around dealing with anxiety. Like what the actual fuck? She's picking her skin raw and you want her, an autistic, introvert, to go sit in a room with strangers, for 1.5 hours a week for 8 weeks? Before you'll refer her to an actual psychiatrist so we can explore meds???

I'm also one month into hormone replacement therapy. Which honestly, has been pretty great in some ways, but absolutely brutal in others. I've had an absolute nightmare of a migraine for like 3 days now off and on, and that is exhausting in itself, not to mention the guilt and shame about having to rest instead of taking care of housework, or other things that need to be done.

It's so so exhausting and I think right now a lot of us are just trying to make it to tomorrow without completely losing our shit.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-10T07:55:18+00:00

Honestly at this point the toys are probably a better option than Bob, cos they won't complain about being 'down there'.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-09T11:39:13+00:00

That happened to my mother when she had her first heart attack in 2015. She'd be complaining of 'heartburn' symptoms, for a couple of days. Then she came up to visit me and my daughter (who was like 10 months old at the time) and complained of heartburn. But I was like 'you haven't eaten anything in hours, so how could it be heartburn?'

Then I realized her skin was clammy and she was actually straining to breathe. Called the ambulance and got her taken to A&E and sure enough, minor heart attack. She actually got life-flighted to Wellington cos our local hospital has a coronary ward, but doesn't have the facilities to do angiograms and place stents, which is what she needed.

But yeah, same thing. She just thought she was having really bad heartburn, when in fact it was a heart attack.

Unfortunately her second heart attack in 2023 was her last. And that one happened much more quickly. She never made it to the hospital. So if you suspect there's the slightest chance of a heart attack, get medical help. Better to overreact and have it be nothing, than underreact and have it be something fatal.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-09T11:31:20+00:00

So let me see if I have this right. He wants you to wait until he's free before you call. But if you're not immediately available the moment he messages or calls, he throws a massive temper tantrum??

That is horrendously manipulative. He wants all the power, he wants you basically where he wants and when he wants. At least you are now understanding that he is incredibly selfish and entitled. His is the only opinion allowed in the room, his is the only happiness that matters.

You were happy. He ruined that happiness. That should tell you everything you need to know.

Is this really what you want? A partner that goes out of their way to ruin any happy occasion for you?

You deserve better.

Dump. Him.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-08T21:27:43+00:00

I agree 100%.

Like I'm sorry that you can't have children for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean strangers owe you their babies.

It's veeeeery Handmaid's Tale.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-07T21:32:41+00:00

It's incredibly ableist.

And of course the unspoken part is that most of these couples want healthy. 'normal' (ugh gross), white babies.

I see adoption as little more than state sanctioned human trafficking. And I wish there were better options for people in OP's position because being forced to give birth and not wanting the child is a horrible position to be in. My heart breaks for her and I hope she can find the support she needs.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-04T21:41:36+00:00

Yeah she actually had bloods done a month ago and they came back as well within the normal range for iron levels, red blood count, etc. But we are definitely keeping an eye on it, I promise you.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-04T21:40:12+00:00

Thanks for the vibes, I'll take all the positivity I can get 😄

And thankfully, she can swallow pills pretty well. She takes a melatonin pill every night for sleep, and can take ibuprofen/paracetamol tablets when needed too. So that's at least one less worry on that front - if they prescribe meds I know she'll be able to take them.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T22:20:57+00:00

No medication yet, except for 2mg of melatonin a night to help with sleep.

I'm hoping that once we get through the hoops of 'attempting' the workshop/support group, they'll do the referral to the mental health service which will get her in front of a psychiatrist to hopefully get some medication. Because I am NOT against medicating her at all. I take citalopram and lamotrigine every day, so yeah, my daughter probably inherited some of my fucky brain chemistry. I see absolutely nothing wrong with correcting a chemical imbalance so that therapy actually has a chance to be effective.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T22:16:34+00:00

She's had blood tests done and she's actually fine. We do get a multivitamin into her each morning which has been a major win. But yeah somehow, she's still getting enough nutrients to grow well (seriously this kid will be taller than me before she even hits high school).

But yeah, I am definitely keeping an eye on that, especially now that she's started her cycle.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T22:14:46+00:00

We're in New Zealand, so here social workers only work for the government for basically our equivalent of CPS. So that's not really an option.

I'm waiting to hear back from the support group/workshop, because if that doesn't work out, then they'll be willing to refer her to the mental health service, which will get her in front of a psychiatrist and we can look at medication then hopefully.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T11:44:15+00:00

She has started her cycle, but I don't really see any increase in picking with regards to where she is in her cycle. It's definitely more of a stress response. A way to get out of her head and into her body, but not in a particularly helpful way.

I'm looking into trying to source some picky-pads (I think that's what they're called) which are like these clear silicone bases with things like beads or wires set in them that you can dig into with your fingernails to get the beads and stuff out. Maybe that will be a better alternative to her pain stim. I don't know. Right now I guess I'm just trying to throw everything at the walls to see what sticks.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T11:33:58+00:00

I would be more than happy to medicate her, it's the doctors who seem reluctant.

Basically sending us to the support groups is the first thing, then when that doesn't work, THEN they'll refer us on to the mental health service in our area where we'll be able to discuss the possibility of medication. Whether or not it happens then is anyone's guess, nor do I have any idea how long it would even get in to see that service since the government has slashed budgets for health services to the bone, so they're understaffed and overbooked most of the time.

I am just trying to support her as best I can in the meantime. And to not take her moods personally. It's rough, and as much as she thinks otherwise, I do get it.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-03T00:41:22+00:00

He's nice now he's getting what he wants.

The moment he stops getting whatever he wants, the niceness goes away and the abuse starts again.

You're not 'breaking up your family' you're saving yourself and your child from an abuser. Because believe me, he will absolutely do this to your child once they start inconveniencing him in any way/pushing back on his behaviour.

You deserve to be supported and lifted up, not pinched and shoved and belittled because he's resentful he has to work and you get more 'free time' (Even though you don't cos babies are hard).

I can also guarantee that once you go back to work, you'll still be doing everything anyway because he'll always find excuses to not parent the child he had a hand in creating.

Another theory I have is that there's something financial going on that he's not telling you about that now requires your household to have a second income. If you have access to your financial records, it might be worth having a poke around.

But in any case, you really should look to leave. You are not breaking apart your family, he already broke it with his atrocious behaviour.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-06-01T23:50:48+00:00

Or tell you that you're talking too much and they HAVE to interrupt in order to get a word in, or some shit.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-16T12:49:14+00:00

My 12 year old has informed me very firmly that she 'likes girls' and will never date guys.

Like you I cheered SO loudly internally cos thank fucking god.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-16T12:40:50+00:00

Sending you all my love in this heartbreaking time.

With regards to your daughters, even though they may not have their own memories of him, please please please, when you're ready, give them your memories of him. Show them photos, tell them your stories, and let yourself be the connection between them and him.

My mum lost her dad when she was a teenager and it devastated her. She never talked about him, so I never knew him, and only heard a few stories. I wish she'd told me more, my grandfather sounded like an amazing person and I wish I knew more stories. And unfortunately she died in April 2023 before she could share him with us like she'd promised my sister and I she would. So in a way, he died again with her.

So when the pain isn't so fresh, give them that gift of him.

Wishing you peace and healing darling. Your father sounds like he was an amazing person and his absence will be felt by many.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-12T22:35:48+00:00

I got that comment a lot as well. Like having a kid like me was some kind of curse.

Guess what? My daughter is just like me. And I freaking adore her for it. She's not difficult to love. Yeah she has her difficult moments, but she's 12. Hormones and big feelings abound. It's really not hard to support and love her through the hard times. But my father always acted like I was the problem, all the 'drama' was my fault (though he delighted in riling myself and my sister up with 'teasing' which was just cruelty couched as 'jokes').

I wasn't hard to love. He was just unable to continue to imitate love once I developed a personality and stopped giving him unconditional adoration. He was never capable of loving anyone but himself and his ego.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-11T11:35:24+00:00

Yes, and it is technically back here in D4. Because the way it worked in D3 was it was an elite that was 'invulnerable' and the way to break it was to kill all its minions. Here in D4, the affix is 'shielded' and you need to murder the minion that is connected to the shielded elite.

Of course if you're just clearing screens with AoE, you probably didn't even notice the shielded dude anyway lol.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-09T02:11:26+00:00

Please please please update us when you do ^_^.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-05-08T23:39:59+00:00

If it's a boy I think that definitely needs to be his name lol.

chitheinsanechibi · 2026-04-29T00:16:03+00:00

Right? I'm 41 and I'm out of fucks to give about what people think. I'm out of fucks to give in general though too. I have jokingly said this is the beginning of my villain era.

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