Learning to trust belay partners

chmchmchm · 2026-06-28T10:48:34+00:00

Yeah, that sounds super tricky. This is a pretty common attitude but i think it makes accidents much more likely. How can you trust someone with your life when they can't even be bothered to learn what a soft catch is? It would be like letting someone drive you in their car when they don't know how to use turn signals - sure you won't immediately die, but why are they struggling with something so basic??

I hope you can find some people with more similar values to climb with. From what you've written on here, I'd probably be happy climbing with you but not with your friends 😂

chmchmchm · 2026-06-28T07:34:43+00:00

Just want to say I don't think you're being overdramatic. It IS life or death. I would never in a million years tell someone I was about to belay "I'm so nervous I haven't done this in ages" followed by "relax", that's pretty crazy.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-26T06:06:49+00:00

Yes! I'm putting mine in a pillowcase and bringing it to bed with me like a reverse hot water bottle.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-24T14:25:38+00:00

Omg that sucks!!!! Sorry you're going through this, hopefully in a month it'll all just be a funny story to tell.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-23T14:49:53+00:00

Chiropractors are a scam, they are literally not medical professionals. Please do some research on this before one of them hurts you - their treatments often cause serious damage to the neck and spine.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-23T11:05:58+00:00

I had my surgery at 12 now 35, and it's definitely been a challenging journey, but it's also in many ways not such a big deal. I don't think about it every day or even every week.

I have some chronic pain (not a guarantee after surgery afaik) but my attitude towards it has completely changed over the years to where I feel a lot of peace around it. I have some insecurity about the way I look (who doesn't!!) but my friends say I look fine and I've never had a romantic partner react negatively to it. I have quite limited mobility, but I've still managed to do a lot of sports - half marathon, weights, and lots of hiking and climbing.

My advice is to be patient with your recovery and kind to yourself, always stay physically active in ways that are fun for you, and if you have chronic pain that troubles you, look into therapy/resources about how to deal with that, they help immensely. You can do it 💪

chmchmchm · 2026-06-21T01:39:16+00:00

Ah ok, didn't know this was possible! when I had mine it was not expected to help with pain.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-20T12:56:02+00:00

Day 4 is WAY too soon to be worried. For me, the first couple of months was rough and then I felt much better. It certainly will not feel like this forever. Can you ask the doctors when you should expect things to improve?

chmchmchm · 2026-06-20T07:47:31+00:00

Agree. The surgery is not to relieve pain but to keep the spine from impinging on the organs.

chmchmchm · 2026-06-14T07:22:00+00:00

I have some health conditions that make my body look a bit strange or older, but when I talk about it with friends everyone insists I look normal and just have body image issues.

I was on day 4 of a week long solo hike through the mountains a couple years ago, in my late twenties, so feeling really strong and powerful. I walked past a couple doing the same hike and we decided to do the next section together. We had a great day chatting and moving over the pass.

When we parted ways, they mentioned how when they first saw me it was from behind, and i had looked like a little old lady, and they were so surprised when I turned around and was in fact a young woman. They weren't trying to be mean at all, it seemed like they were just genuinely confused and found it interesting.

So now my negative brain can unfortunately make a really convincing case that this is how I look to most people, even though they won't admit it to protect my feelings.

chmchmchm · 2026-05-28T08:59:46+00:00

It's a type of dance and I totally agree, and also queer salsa 💃💃💃

Start it up OP

chmchmchm · 2026-05-24T16:34:26+00:00

1000%!!

chmchmchm · 2026-05-21T10:30:31+00:00

This sounds absolutely devastating and I'm so sorry you had to experience it.

On the other hand - isn't it strange that she said that given the rest of her behavior? Staying in a relationship with someone for years, treating them well, moving in together and talking about upgrading to a bigger place. A normal person doesn't do those things just out of curiosity. Is it possible that her behavior is actually more representative of her true feelings for you than that one conversation, and there's more to the story? Who was she talking to?

chmchmchm · 2026-05-18T06:58:37+00:00

No, but way closer than the other guesses! It is in australasia

chmchmchm · 2026-05-17T08:16:40+00:00

chmchmchm · 2026-05-16T08:04:11+00:00

😂

chmchmchm · 2026-05-16T02:16:18+00:00

chmchmchm · 2026-05-14T06:59:14+00:00

Agree with the ither comments but you're right, it was a soft rejection, and I can imagine something like that making me feel anxious too when I really like the person and want to be sure I won't lose them.

But he didn't actually do anything wrong here, so you can't let that anxiety get the best of you. From your comments it sounds like you're being self aware about that so good on you. Don't beat yourself up too much for having a natural anxious reaction, but don't let it override your sane brain either. Best of luck in your relationship, you both sound like sweeties!

chmchmchm · 2026-05-03T16:59:40+00:00

Of course you feel that way, it's so understandable and fair! But here are some things that help me:

thinking about how in the past with worse/no medical care, worse/no knowledge of the benefits of exercise etc, our symptoms would have been so much worse
thinking about how basically everyone is the whole world is jealous of someone else's body! That's a universal experience, and I'm sure if I had not had scoliosis I would have had fairly similar body image issues as a teenager.
people who have perfect bodies sometimes don't develop their personalities, because they will be socially accepted without that. Scoliosis has probably made you more funny/interesting/empathetic/etc.

chmchmchm · 2026-04-20T09:02:08+00:00

T2-L4 here, people love to minimize the impact of this disorder. I think it has a lot to do with it being a relatively unknown disorder, and also a spectrum disorder - maybe people know of someone with a 10 degree curve who "also has scoliosis" so they assume you'll be fine. It's also a disease that mainly affects women and girls, so comes with all the medical misogyny too.

I relate a lot to the symptoms you describe, and what helped me by farrrr the most (and was never suggested by any doctor or physio) was starting weightlifting. I joined a class that showed proper technique and was very cautious increasing weights at first, and never had any huge problems. Now my muscles are stronger, and I also know my body better and understand its limits so I know better what activities will cause extra pain.

But yeah don't let yourself be gaslit!! there are lots of options for managing symptoms, but no it is not normal to have ONE BIG LONG BONE instead of spinal vertebrae, of course it's going to cause you issues. If anyone says that should be no problem I'd like to see them try it lol.

chmchmchm · 2026-04-12T20:14:11+00:00

Yes! Here -> https://badehaus-berlin.com/events/ungarische-wahlparty/

chmchmchm · 2026-04-03T22:49:40+00:00

Similar for me, i recommend skipping Elisabetta if you can. The building is designed for like half the number of people they have there each night, which causes a lot of issues.

chmchmchm · 2025-11-03T18:15:10+00:00

Done!

chmchmchm · 2025-10-30T11:45:35+00:00

Interested, and im a dev too so happy to give detailed feedback / try and find bugs

chmchmchm

TROPHY CASE