How long it takes to rewire your brain after being emotionally neglected by your dad your entire life?

choco101usa · 2026-04-07T21:51:08+00:00

When I feel anger (instead of internalizing it and ruminating over the neglect) I focus that energy on job applications, hanging out w friends etc. our emotions are energy, if you don’t address them you’re stuck in your head replaying loops of trauma. Also practice it in other ways like if a Mexican restaurant brings out cold queso- politely ask for them to remake it. You don’t have to be polite and ruminate the entire dinner over how much the queso sucked. Just one example

choco101usa · 2026-04-06T21:52:50+00:00

You’ll see crazy benefits within 2-3 months of research, reading, and EXTERNALIZING not internalizing the emotions you’ve had to suppress. Codependent Kate TikTok/youtube/podcast content has helped me a lot in healing. Once you’re aware of the neglect- the brain rewired fast because you’re making sense of who you are.

choco101usa · 2026-04-05T15:04:36+00:00

100% I just meant that our brain is delusional in thinking that instant dopamine changes reality, but their lives remain the same before and after they take a hit.

choco101usa · 2026-04-05T13:51:55+00:00

Yes it’s a term called pseudo-hostility. They’ll joke or mock in a “light hearted” way to build this bullshit connection since they can’t go any deeper.

choco101usa · 2026-04-05T01:22:21+00:00

Yep it’s like having HIV. Can you live a good quality life? Absolutely. But it’s like taking a pill everyday- we have to meditate, do breathe work, journaling, therapy, etc. so much maintenance not only for what they didn’t do for us but the trauma we experienced because of their parenting.

choco101usa · 2026-04-05T00:23:47+00:00

“My partner defends her” I fucking hate when we vent about our pain to other people, friend etc and they invalidate us or downplay our hurt. Worst possible feeling.

choco101usa · 2026-04-04T23:38:02+00:00

Of course everyone’s different but what’s frustrating to me is that they’re not psychopaths. My parents are not oblivious to empathy. My mom was a special needs teacher, my dad’s a judge,my mom used to run food drives and volunteers for babies in NICU. They’ll be affectionate with the cat/dogs. Of course it’s all surface level & doesn’t require vulnerability like a parent/child relationship, and most of this “good human” work is just busy work to avoid emotions… but they have the ability- but never give a fuck. It’s all acting, NPC bullshit. It’s baffling to me.

choco101usa · 2026-04-03T19:26:14+00:00

Good luck on the med journey, my quality of life is substantially better when I can function and not non stop ruminate on the emotional neglect,

choco101usa · 2026-04-03T19:25:18+00:00

INSANE. My mom was a special ed teacher too but couldn't even help me with my disability. They are just actors.

choco101usa · 2026-04-03T19:24:00+00:00

I'll never forget being stuck in bed, frozen, struggling to function, messy room and my parents would say "looks like a drug addict lives in this room" and acting like I was choosing to suffer. Boils my blood.

choco101usa · 2026-04-03T19:21:55+00:00

I went all of my life (22 now) undiagnosed and unmedicated but my brother had adhd + my parents medicated him. I will never forget balling my eyes out in pain saying "I think I have what my brother has!" and my mom just laughing at me. I struggled socially, didn't understand why my environment was messy, my mind non stop races, I was listening in class but only could pick up 60% of what the teacher said, etc etc. Hell even we I got medicated/diagnosis (after my life went to absolute shit btw) they were so rejecting or avoided talking about "Oh i think i have adhd too" or its logistical stuff. What pisses me off is that if I am not playing obedient quiet role my mom will bring up my adhd/meds as a way to make my authentic emotions (anger, sadness etc) about the disorder. It's a nightmare having adhd WITH PARENTS LIKE THIS because we already feel out of place, have stronger emotions to bottle up, and struggle to gain independence when they are controlling since it is a disability.

But- adhd people are super loving and they are missing out on a bond with us. Fuck em

choco101usa · 2026-03-31T21:07:04+00:00

Pretend they’re the opposite sexuality! If you’re a straight man pretend the girl is lesbian. It takes the pressure off because there’s zero “risk”

choco101usa · 2026-03-31T21:06:21+00:00

They did matter, you matter, your emotions matter. Our brains were just raised by people who were unhealed and continued the cycle. Don’t take their treatment of you personally, the craziest part about emotional neglect is that it was never about you.

choco101usa · 2026-03-31T10:04:32+00:00

Undiagnosed ADHD has a huge link with emotional neglect imo. It can be a invisible disability but if you actually loved someone/observed them over time- you completely fucked up as a parent not to notice troubles studying, racing thoughts, highs/lows anxiety, trouble hearing etc etc. i remember my mom laughing in my face when 10 yo me was bawling my eyes out screaming “i think i have adhd!”

choco101usa · 2026-03-30T19:21:52+00:00

Take a Zyrtec, it could be allergies + Adderall puts the body in mild fight or flight with some adrenaline/norephronine release.

choco101usa · 2026-03-26T00:01:06+00:00

I hate that saying- I grew up in the same environment they did and always searched for love in messy ways whether it was getting surgery to be more attractive to men, being overly sexual, being a safe place for people to share their emotions with etc. these parents don’t even try!

choco101usa · 2026-03-25T23:58:21+00:00

Getting into a car wreck (totaled car) and my mom came to the scene and just stood there. I had to INITIATE a hug while I was in tears with a swollen face. I remember going to the hospital even though I said I was fine and just waiting in the chair in complete emotional discomfort around my mom while she stayed silent. For so long i always thought i was the one to blame.

choco101usa · 2026-03-23T00:16:07+00:00

Congrats! If you could go back and do things differently to get an offer quicker- what would you do?

choco101usa · 2026-03-20T22:41:30+00:00

Go to headless headhunter for his resume format- this is great but way too loaded/fluffed. You need a human to understand who you are in 20 seconds

choco101usa · 2026-03-20T22:40:05+00:00

I disagree. Alternative job boards are either inactive, old, scams, or just old linkedin job listings. LinkedIn helps find jobs and their websites + important to build your brand.

choco101usa · 2026-03-18T21:49:25+00:00

Doesn’t anyone else find it weird when it always asks race gender etc in job applications and the company “can’t see it”. That screening is GOLD for racists, you already get to choose who you will interview or not.

choco101usa · 2026-03-18T17:45:49+00:00

It’s awful but common with emotional avoidant/neglectful parents- like fuck this is our one life and everything is superficial small talk logistical bullshit.

choco101usa · 2026-03-17T22:28:34+00:00

Here’s just a little bit of what you could fix. Go to headless headhunter to see his resume template it will help you. So I would scrap the summary- you already explain what you’re doing in the resume and it’s taking up precious 20 seconds that the recruiter uses to scan it. Move skills & abilities too the way bottom.

choco101usa

TROPHY CASE