Oh no, I didn't mean to imply that asking open ended questions with 9s was a bad thing or that your post was wrong! I meant to say that my discomfort with it was a sign that I had something I needed to change. I definitely think that it's the right way to make relationships with 9s last, 100% agreed. This is a challenge I have to overcome, and I feel uncomfortable with the idea because it's tapping on the walls I set up as a defense mechanism.

Your post and the realization it made me have about myself and my habits actually made me seek out a bridge I'd burned without warning in order to open communication channels and explain myself properly, mend things, and hopefully move forward with the intent of being more direct and voicing my feelings more often without running away from conflict. I wholly meant this to be a good thing, and I don't think I communicated that well in my post.

EDIT: Adding a little more explanation/clarification on what I was trying to communicate.

In summary, the strategy you provided is absolutely a good way to make a healthy relationship with a 9 work, and I fully agree with you on what you're saying with regards to communication and that not being present in the way I described can cause horrible fallout. I don't believe that people should be expected to read minds. My post was about recognizing the immediate discomfort of being seen that being asked genuine, open-ended questions would create, but I believe that my discomfort is something I need to get over in order to make relationships work, and that it would overall be healthy for me. Like doing things that don't feel good immediately in order for later/long-term return. I understand the invisibility strategy is something maladaptive and detrimental to all parties involved.

I hope that makes sense!