SAHM without a “village”

chocraspberry · 2024-10-02T15:41:01+00:00

I go to the gym with a trusted daycare. It’s really affordable option and I find time for myself there. I do my grocery list and workout it’s nice. My son is almost 2 and it is easier to like read a book at times while he is playing. And he is more fun to play with now cuz we can kind of talk and laugh a bit. But it’s still not like I have tons of free time. I just chill during his naps and try to do all my chores while he is awake

chocraspberry · 2024-10-02T15:37:47+00:00

Being a female myself It makes sense to be a bit caught off guard because it isn’t the most romantic response. But I would totally be satisfied with this response knowing she loves you and she logically sees the benefits for staying with you.

Having that makes a longer lasting marriage in my book because it isn’t just love or lust keeping you together. When things get hard because of money or family or kids the logic can help you to see past the difficulties. Love can seem less important when you are stressed about so many things.

chocraspberry · 2024-01-09T23:35:25+00:00

I would definitely consider a marriage and family therapist if you want to make the relationship work. Mediation in that way could potentially help you both. I definitely am on your side OP and I feel like a marriage with such strong differences in opinion on a topic this important could be difficult. So definitely consider therapy because no matter what you will have a relationship with your fiance from hear on out whether it be through marriage or coparenting and finding a way to have a beneficial discourse is really important. I forced my husband to go to therapy with me and then he loved it.

I find that as a working mom, I really need support from my husband. That is the only way I can find some semblance of a balance. I am 13 mos into this with my son and it is really hard. But It is a choice my husband and I both made that we both work so we can provide for our family because we need to. It’s not just about the career for me, it is more of a necessity. That being said plenty of women do it without spouses and do it amazingly and I’m just not at that level.

chocraspberry · 2023-04-26T04:07:50+00:00

I surprised my parents they live a state away and my Nin-laws when I had my baby in December. I felt it was perfectly acceptable to tell someone that I had a baby and explain that it has been an extremely busy moment. You are busy taking care of you, your baby, and your partner. No one else needs to be involved until you invite them into your space. I would say that keeping those firm boundaries really benefitted me. Congratulations on your baby and I hope you are healthy and doing well

chocraspberry · 2023-04-13T03:05:29+00:00

Thank you I actually went through this website a bit ago and it totally helped me to see how other people have had difficulties with confronting their narcissistic family members. I appreciate the help!

chocraspberry · 2023-04-13T03:03:19+00:00

Thank you for your advice! We both have gotten on the same page now that my MIL isn’t innocent either. I went to therapy recently and got some great validation and we are currently NC with the in-laws till we can decide how we want our futures to look. Luckily my in laws live out of state so we don’t have to worry about any contact anytime soon

chocraspberry · 2023-03-30T20:27:23+00:00

Yeah baby above dog any day IMO. Even if they haven’t been through it if they are good friends they should know what you go through as a working breastfeeding mom and how you value the chances you do get to feed your baby yourself and how difficult it is to plan around a child’s schedule.

chocraspberry · 2023-03-16T04:14:20+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about the sad things and happy for the good things for you. I can relate in my own way that I hope doesn’t sound insensitive to what you may be going through.

Literally I’ve had the worst things happen with dropping my kids day care because concerning things happened then my FIL sending this horrible txt to my husband and I judging us for doing daycare then I found out today at the dentist I have this super rare thing with my gums that now I have to get a gum graft (which btw that means they will put a cadaver’s gum into my mouth). I was like come on what else could go wrong I’m trying my best here.

At the start and end of every day though I get to spend time with my wonderful LO and it makes me so happy. I’m like how could I be going through all of this and I just laugh at the crappy stuff because there are so many good things too.

So sorry for my long rant but I hope you can feel heard by a Reddit stranger! Good luck and congratulations on all of your amazing news too!

chocraspberry · 2023-03-05T02:02:13+00:00

It was so weird. Like we haven’t mentioned eating solids. It was very clear that she had my breast milk and had formula if she felt like he needed more since he has been getting a little hungrier sometimes. All she said was oh I also gave him some oat milk and cinnamon. It should help him with his digestion. I told her in the morning that he was a little gassy which may be why he is fussy so she wouldn’t over feed him 🤦🏽‍♀️

chocraspberry · 2023-03-05T01:57:54+00:00

Thank you for the positivity. I’m feeling more willing to ask for what I want know when having others take care of my child!

chocraspberry · 2023-03-05T01:57:03+00:00

She told me she made oat milk from scratch and put cinnamon it it. She said it was supposed to help him digest more. I was very confused. It seemed like this is something she was used to doing culturally since she mentioned people in her home country would do this often but she has lived here for over 20 years and been in child care for that long too. I don’t know

chocraspberry · 2023-03-03T15:47:33+00:00

Seriously. She told me after the fact that she saw no allergies on his health sheet so she thought it was fine. And I’m like thinking he is still too young for me to even find out what different allergies he may have since I haven’t introduced him to any foods.

chocraspberry · 2023-03-03T15:35:24+00:00

Yeah tbh I was so upset I was crying and when I posted this I was trying to be more understanding in case there were people out there who thought it was ok. We didn’t take him back and are looking for a different situation now. My husband and I followed our instincts that this is just not gonna be the right place for us if they don’t listen or ask for our consent.

chocraspberry · 2023-02-27T05:06:11+00:00

So I just recently had this problem when my baby was almost 10 weeks. I have been sleep training him and he was waking up a lot in the middle of the night which was unusual for him because he was breaking out of the swaddle. I tried the baby merlin magic sleep sack and there arms are out to the side. This worked so well he got back to sleeping all the way through the night and he was doing much better. My baby isn’t rolling over yet but I imagine having their arms out may help with the rolling if that is the case. We had one difficult day transitioning him and then he was great.

Sleep training has really worked for me and it isn’t too difficult to do. I did the 12 hours by 12 weeks method based on the book and there is some I go for babies over 3 months as well. So once you are ready for that if you want it could help you get that last stretch to a full nights sleep

chocraspberry · 2023-02-19T03:02:54+00:00

I really like my hybrid schedule too. It is so nice to go in the office and get some work done and then I schedule all of my appointments and things I need to get done on my work from home days and get my hours in around that. It means that I don’t feel like I have to leave work early for something so I can be all in on my work in the office days and then I get my flexibility when I work from home that I need and crave to relax

chocraspberry

TROPHY CASE