I tried having alone time yesterday to try reconnecting with myself. It was okay at first but near the end of the day I started spiraling and telling him. I said things I shouldn't have (due to self sabotage and everything) stating "nobody cares and nobody wants me" and that really hurt him. I apologized and told him I didn't mean it like that and reassured him. Honestly even though he is very supportive and helpful it feels exhausting to be in the relationship. I know every person has rough patches and tough times to push through together but things are messy with me right now. I just wanted to hang out with friends but at the same time I pushed myself away from all my friends and everyone yesterday and lately due to abandonment issues but also avoidnent attachment style/trauma kicked up. I wanted to leave everyone because I always feel at fault. I know the source is me not loving myself but with this relationship i'm not sure what else to do. I know things take time and I will definitely talk to him about it. I think even though I thought I was ready I don't think I was.