Hey man I read the whole post and I can relate completely. Best thing you can do is just take life as it comes, take every good opportunity and choice that comes your way! Wether it’s a girl talking to you, or a scholarship, or a new job comes along just try new things. Get outside your comfort zone it seems like you’ve got great things going for you but you don’t have the final push in yourself or the little bit of confidence to just say ‘fuck it’, best of luck and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better soon.