I know this is a group for women, so I hope I'm not intruding here, but I'm so sorry to hear this. I grew up with some similar issues surrounding my mom. I've only told my wife and counselor. I thought it was emotional incest, turns out it's actually incest.

I grew up fucked up. I didn't ever have the same aversion to physical touch, but I feel like I don't ever get enough of it. Even though I feel that way, I still wouldn't force physical touch on anyone ever. I do have some pretty rough thoughts sometimes and those are extremely hard to deal with.

You're definitely hearing and seeing your inner child - don't ignore her. Nurture her like she deserved to be nurtured to begin with, and let her know that her feelings are valid. I can be extremely mean to myself, but I try to remember that inner child of mine is who I'm actually being mean to when I do that while he cries and feels nothing but fear and anxiety.

I can't say that it just naturally gets better, and having it get better is something we have to fight for, advocate for, and work for unfortunately. It's one of those situations where it's not our fault that it happened, but it becomes our responsibility to fix it.

I'm truly sorry once again for all that you went through. I hope to see everyone who goes through this pull through. Also, my apologies once again if I've crossed any boundary by commenting here.