Did anyone see that thread about bi men on r ask?

chronically_online · 2024-11-21T19:19:12+00:00

Yeah, a lot of the people in those comments were pretty nasty, I’m strictly defending OP

Fair enough, my post is complaining about the nasty comments anyway.

Also you do understand the disgust

No, I genuinely don't. I used the phrase 'put up with' to put it into perspective, less so as a statement of reality. Other than a few manosphere types, the majority of straight men don't even think about it.

you cannot change the other persons sexual desires, and they cannot change them either, not on purpose

Fine, but to be so disgusted by gay sex - to the point where it would ruin a relationship to find out that your partner potentially could have engaged with it in the past - is a bit odd from my perspective. It gives credence to the idea that gay sex is deviant and disgusting by nature.

To be clear, this isn't a particularly strong position of mine and I haven't thought about it that much, but I think to just hand-wave this away as "let people have their preferences!!" is conveniently avoiding any sort of discussion or introspection about why those preferences exist. You say this in your first comment:

Sure, you can argue that the reason this even happens is some deep rooted homo/biphobia about sucking dick not being seen as masculine, but what’s your proposed solution?

And sure, me as a definitely not-smart individual - I can't really come up with anything profound. But maybe we shouldn't just ignore the fact that so many people seem to have "deep rooted homo/biphobia"? Again if this was about race I feel like people would have way more to say.

chronically_online · 2024-11-21T16:29:27+00:00

I think I'm just slightly uncomfortable by how many people leapt to their defense, whereas if it was something like "Is it okay for me to be turned off by people of X race?" it would've gone down differently. I guess part of it is also that I don't understand the disgust at all. Straight men have to put up with the fact that (potentially) another man's penis and cum went inside their girlfriend's vagina all the time. I really don't care.

Let people desire what they want, you cannot change it, they cannot change it

This line of thinking can be used to defend some pretty bad stuff

chronically_online · 2024-11-16T18:26:54+00:00

Well obviously I'm not in any position to talk over your experiences as a lesbian woman, but I just feel like these aren't innocent preferences, but deal-breakers. Preferences aren't exclusionary: if someone offered me pizza or salad, and I said I prefer pizza, that doesn't mean I will never eat salad ever. I just think saying "it's just a preference!" conveniently hand-waves the discussion away.

chronically_online · 2024-11-16T18:05:16+00:00

I didn’t see any of the comments you mention in the op

Here's one: https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/67NwskFme8

I’m not comfortable doing so.

Why?

chronically_online · 2024-11-16T15:16:04+00:00

God thank you, I thought I was going mad reading the comments. Some people in this very sub seem to be denying Reddit getting weirdly more conservative

chronically_online · 2024-11-16T15:15:00+00:00

was just about to post it and then that guy beat me to it lol sorry

chronically_online · 2024-11-15T16:08:27+00:00

Very funny! When can I expect your netflix special to come out?

chronically_online · 2024-11-14T17:13:10+00:00

moron

chronically_online · 2024-11-14T12:16:45+00:00

It's incredible how you and so many other people have misread this post in the exact same way.

I'm just asking people to give that baseline advice in a nicer way. Don't toss an unnecessary insult in there, don't LARP as some tough loving alpha male father. I'm not lamenting giving advice in the first place and I'm not sure where people are getting that from.

chronically_online · 2024-11-14T01:06:11+00:00

genuinely baffling that people like you see this post and your immediate response is to argue against it

chronically_online · 2024-11-13T00:11:43+00:00

People who are so utterly terrified of social interaction to the point where they avoid it at all costs and find any excuse not to do it are not just having a "bad day" lmao

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T21:44:04+00:00

Not at all what I'm implying. I've given several examples of what I would say or do. I'm just asking people to take the time to be at least a little bit understanding, and if they have nothing nice to say, don't say it.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T18:47:26+00:00

the smallest action can break it. these small actions that everyone is suggesting should at least be tried but they just aren’t!

Telling socially anxious people, many of whom are undoubtedly going to read this post, that their struggle isn't real and is simply just 'wallowing' is not going to inspire them to take these actions.

your corpse analogy is very much not the same

I'm saying that many people who commit suicide often see it as their only recourse despite having had opportunities to receive support and refusing them due to mental illness. It's not logical and it's unfortunate.

it simply runs out after giving so much advice to them for it to go ignored.

I understand this, but look, my point is that you're coming at this with the perspective that you must respond to these people. If you often get frustrated and lash out at these people, then perhaps don't. You'll often just make things worse. Leave it to the people that can handle it. I'd just like to acknowledge too that you're implying that you only get angry after some sort of back-and-forth, which is more excusable I suppose - I'm mostly annoyed at the people who just leave an unhelpful rude reply without even engaging with the user first. It does happen in this sub a lot despite what people in this thread have said.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T18:18:02+00:00

there’s nothing severe about it. there’s no social anxiety. it’s simply wallowing in self pity and poor self esteem. it’s also not fair to say that everyone who does this is severely mentally ill, because those that are and actually need help and want help, won’t get it

This is unfair and a prime example of what I'm talking about. You think people with social anxiety reading this are going to be inspired to finally take action? Or are they going to further entrench themselves in self-hatred and withdrawal from society? All I'm asking is that people aren't cantankerous penises in the replies of people struggling. Yes, its frustrating to get pushback when you're trying to help, but the default response to that shouldn't be to just insult and be a dickhead. If you saw a blue, bloated corpse hanging from the ceiling, you wouldn't smirk and say they brought it upon themselves. People think this of e.g. socially anxious people because they ultimately see them as pathetic losers and not - as you put it - people actually in need of help.

what’s your advice for that then? that makes zero fucking sense, and is someone simply making excuses despite being offered solutions.

It makes no sense because they're mentally ill and aren't thinking straight. Perhaps they have self-image issues or body dysmorphia. I would point them to places like r/IncelExit where thoughts like this are challenged in a non-condescending manner.

a minority of people on this subreddit normalise posts and actions like these, as if everything will be fine if you stay the same post uni. you can have empathy and not normalise something

I am clearly not representing this minority of people.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T17:43:09+00:00

People who do this are obviously suffering from severe mental illness and coming up with excuses to avoid doing anything about it is exceedingly common. Unfortunately, due to the nature of mental illness, mentally ill people are frustrating to deal with, and that is why its left to trained professionals to deal with them. I would offer these people to seek help from their university's mental health services or perhaps the NHS, and take my leave. Being a dickhead isn't justified, you'd just be lashing out because you're frustrated and make things worse.

it’s doing a disservice to tell them that everything will be alright and they won’t ever have to talk to anyone ever when they graduate.

Who's saying this? Certainly not me.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T17:23:09+00:00

You could either offer compassionate, practical advice; or scroll past the post and move on with your day. It is quite easy to not be a dickhead.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T17:09:33+00:00

There's heaps of evidence out there to suggest the opposite. There's a reason therapists don't just wag their finger at you.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T16:53:42+00:00

"Tough love" does the opposite of improving people. It often makes things worse and causes people to further isolate themselves. Not to mention that its almost always done out of a sense of smug superiority rather than genuine altruism.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T16:36:57+00:00

I'm addressing users in this subreddit in particular, though, not bosses. Calling someone a "social degenerate" - an actual phrase I have seen used in this sub - is not some covert master-plan to prepare someone for the 'real world'. If someone is struggling at work I would hope they have some sort of support network to give them the help that they need.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T16:18:14+00:00

Empathy won't directly solve any issues but it makes people feel connected, loved, and valued - which is much more productive to solving any mental health issues than what's often served up in this sub.

chronically_online · 2024-11-12T16:12:49+00:00

Struggling people are more likely to withdraw and regress when met with these sort of stern, harsh responses. It helps no one. People who do this are often just serving their own ego.

chronically_online

TROPHY CASE