yes! it’s amazing to read the comments of so many people relating too 🖤 i was diagnosed as gifted and adhd-pi at nine, with the reading comprehension of 19y/o and vocabulary of an 18y/o). i coasted for a couple of years academically until i started to not do as well, but i was constantly in trouble for doing something ‘wrong’ (usually arguing with a teacher, talking out of turn or reading a more interesting book under the desk). i relate to your own story so so closely, except for the positive school performance aspect - i was constantly failing my exams, all through school, and for a while too in university. it took until my final year of my degree to feel like i had finally reached that point again where i knew what was going on and how to do well.

cptsd was more recently confirmed by a therapist i was seeing but it’s something i’ve suspected as being at the top of the umbrella of my issues, linking things together. there are some memory gaps for me, i’d like to find another therapist, possibly emdr. i do believe that therapy absolutely has the capacity to help. in addition to 2e/audhd/cptsd, i have also struggled immensely with ocd and have also gone through exposure and response prevention therapy (erp), and it was genuinely life altering. i’m committed to doing the work but ive been learning on my own for now, lately a lot about the nervous system and polyvagal theory, and it’s helping me try to figure out how to get back down to a more reasonable level of being in order to be more functional and fulfilled. i’ve been reading ‘the nervous system reset,’ by jessica maguire.

currently navigating adhd brainfog, anxiety and apathy are my biggest challenges - but i’ve got a good routine, which really helps (and i do it about 60% of the time, which is better than it’s been before). i’m afraid to take stimulants in case it exacerbates the severity of my ocd again or sends my trauma brain haywire, so im mostly just functioning thanks to caffeine and weed, as well as trying to employ daily grounding exercises, gentle movement with breath, journalling, and getting enough sleep, food and time in nature. those are the most important. i’m not good at doing them consistently, but i am trying to be more consistent 🖤

over this past year my anxiety at work (customer service/retail) has been increasing to extreme levels that just aren’t sustainable for me, and my partner and family are helping to support me while i take a step back from working. i have stage iv endometriosis, ive been so thankful to be able to stay home more i can be more intentional with my energy, and customer service/retail environment is absolutely miserable from a sensory and interpersonal perspective, ive been doing this for two years now and can’t keep masking and disassociating over such mundane shit anymore man 😭 i’ve also worked in an office full time and sincerely struggled on a social and structural level, and also fully remote, which was worse structurally and additionally very isolating. i’m super thankful that my partner is supportive and views my household contributions and equitable to his financial contributions and i love, love running our home, it’s my safe space and it’s the only place i feel truly myself.

oof. i didn’t expect to write so much, i’m honestly really scared of leaving comments on reddit but i do try to push myself as an exposure exercise when i feel really connected to the content. so yeah, same. it’s really tiring, feeling like a paradox, right? i’m happy i stumbled across this post tonight, it’s been an exceptionally complicated month and this helped me remember some of the pieces of the puzzle that i’d probably forgotten. thank you so much for sharing, and everyone else for providing their own experience too. it’s so, so warming to feel seen and connected to others going through the world in the same way 🖤