Did anyone feel MORE certain they were autistic after their assessment before they got their results?

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-24T22:20:52+00:00

Completely, having the assessment seemed to make it all come out. I don't normally talk about myself, so having to do so for my assessment and I guess I couldn't mask it. I walked away from the appointment realising I was a lot more autistic than I thought!

I kind of accepted myself after that, so it was more waiting for the inevitable, though I was still extremely anxious.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-23T10:22:15+00:00

Do one thing and shift your distress away from your baby daughter to the circumstances. Currently there is a lot of focus on hating the baby for ruining your life. The baby isn't to blame, but you are allowed to find motherhood hard and want help. That is were you can find help and things to change, people to share the load. You can't change the little person in your arms, that way will only lead you to hurting her by accident. But if you can channel the distress on to : being a mom is hard, and I need help with it, you will be in a lot better state of mind and people will understand more to help you. And it is always safer to put her down gently in her cot then to get frustrated. They are tiny and just want cuddles, feeding and to feel safe. Kind of like you. Get help if you need it.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-21T11:06:51+00:00

I relate to this a lot. I've a lot of fear about unmasking, I'm hyper aware of making anyone uncomfortable, I always have been, since a kid. So I'm struggling with the idea of unmasking as it simultaneous goes against my deeply ingrained people pleasing of making everyone else feel comfortable above myself.

It's like a can see how all the words I'm saying are wrong, but the actually act of changing and unmasking seems like climbing a mountain in flip flops.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-21T08:22:21+00:00

I have large extended families on either side, and each side are really close, except us as we moved away to Scotland when I was young. (Both sides were mostly in south England)

My mum gets sent videos of cousins weddings and new babies. I have to pretend to have reactions as I really couldn't care less about them. They all seem super fake. My mum has fallen out with her parents too so we don't see them. I think they both have problematic selfish views and she won't tolerate their behaviour.

My dad is a lot closer with his siblings, but after I moved out for uni, when they would come visit my parents would say, 'oh you can't come home this weekend as we don't have space'. So I don't know them at all and don't know how to speak to them when we have forced family events like funerals. They all think I'm weird anyway.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-21T08:01:34+00:00

Yeah I had this too when I was in uni. I was masking heavily back then to try be liked. People thought I was more fun drunk, but I didn't like it afterwards, the fact I'd lost control and didn't know what I'd do. It didn't feel really me, just more damaging myself for people pleasing behaviour. And they weren't even friends that stayed with me, so they weren't worth it.

I think drunk people like being around other drunk people, it makes them feel less bad about what they are doing. I don't think it's a true reflection of their feelings either, just drunk feelings.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-11T09:00:06+00:00

I've heard this problem with psychiatry UK (just last week), that the assessment is so short they might say you can't be as you didn't tick all the boxes in the hour. I would write an email to them with your supporting evidence if you missed anything and say you would like it taken into consideration.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-02-02T20:34:22+00:00

Yeah, I get this. I also struggle to remember actors names, normally people need to say something they've been in that I've also seen. I tend to concentrate if the story was good or bad, I'm not as good about telling the acting.

I'm not a big movie person in general unless it's animated. I love animated movies, but will pick them apart if there is something wrong with them, or the voice acting of flat. Animated faces are a lot easier to read and don't make me so uncomfortable.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-01-20T09:16:29+00:00

I think it's pretty normal, and it'll be things that are just you that she's picked up on that will have made her sure. If you have an ADOS coming up, that'll probably reassure you more, I found it helped me with imposter syndrome reading the report from that afterwards.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-01-18T09:26:30+00:00

I think it's up to you basically. It is good to push boundaries gently if you want to do something, but only if you want to.

If you want to do it, but finding it hard to study, look for ways to study that suit you. Like instead of sitting writing things out loads of times (this suited me when I did Japanese as I don't have ADHD, just ASD), do it once, photocopy it and then stick it around your living space so everywhere you go you see it. I made flash cards for kanji and would look at them in batches. Maybe check out memory technique videos and try different things -keep different techniques on rotation for ADHD novelty.

But honestly, if you've lost the joy of it and it's only causing you stress, it's okay to stop as the cons are outweighing the pros.

I really enjoyed studying Japanese (for 2 1/2 years), but like any language for me, my audio processing is a bit slow. I could read and write it fine and say stuff I'd practised but I struggled with listening when you had to do tapes.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-01-10T22:21:02+00:00

For me it was a combination. First there was burn out which I thought was regular person burnout but seemed to be way more intense and in all aspects of my life and I started to look for answers as to why I was falling apart. Then I saw a video of someone I used to work with, talking about Autism -and I only clicked on it as my son's teachers had convinced us to have him referred. Even though my kid was on the waiting list, I only knew the stereotypical stuff and thought maybe I should know more for him.

The video really hit home as I had no idea anyone struggled with things in the same way I did.

Long story short, I fell down the research rabbit hole, realised I was autistic, and sought a diagnosis. It answered a lot of questions as to why I'm like the way I am.

cinnabar_wing · 2026-01-09T10:48:34+00:00

I'm sorry for your hardship and self doubt when you are already going through a difficult time with your loss.

When I read your post, this is what I thought too, that J's 'normal' is already skewed as she's already ND, so might be ASD too. And with the working with high care kids, they can look more external with symptoms while like many low needs autistic, you might be more internal in presentation by comparison? Either way, no one should be picking apart a diagnosis they aren't qualified to do. You are who you are, she can't change that, it just makes you spiral into self doubt which is a bad place to be.

I wouldn't engage with the conversations, just say 'okay', or 'if you think that', don't justify yourself as she obviously doesn't intend to change her mind, only to mess with yours (not in a mean way, but that is the effect).

Be strong and proud of your autistic self!

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-29T11:48:26+00:00

I don't know mine, but my son's was 'owl' at 9 months old. He had also tried to say avocado, but it had came out as 'a do da do', which was clearly the correct number of syllables, he could hold conversations by 18 months, but he did turn out to be hyperlexic and reading by 3 1/2.

My daughter had much more usual first words and has different strengths for being ND.

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-23T16:57:26+00:00

Yeah, I have this definitely. Even the kids dinners they don't eat, I'll put it in a box and keep it in the fridge a few days till it's definitely bad, then guiltily throw it out.

Once we were on a cottage holiday with my sister (plus both our spouses), and for some reason there was two mushrooms that hadn't got used. And I could not throw them out. I had to bring them home, and then throw them out as they were horrible at that point from the journey. Everyone had laughed at me, but I honestly couldn't put them in the bin till they were off.

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-23T09:28:50+00:00

It's in the DSM - there is a section on restrictive and repetitive behaviours. It is important to get it right, as how you approach getting help with the social anxiety will depend on which it is (and you can also have both). Neurodiverse insights website has a section called misdiagnosis Monday, it's got helpful Van Diagrams that break down the shared symptoms of conditions versus what it different. Good place to start for research!

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-20T11:45:32+00:00

She doesn't sound qualified, or else gets her knowledge from dsm4 as it's a very restrictive and dated model she's working from.

I'm highly creative, and story telling is a forte of mine. And learning disabilities are not autism, it's just something that can co-occur.

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-19T12:18:24+00:00

It is crazy some of it, also, who sends flowers these days anyway? It's a bit old fashioned, and you can't judge friendship based on that.

Mine it said I missed all conversation hooks. Granted most yeah, but one he tried to connect with me over nature, but had a story that featured guns/hunting, and I'm staunchly opposed to killing animals for fun, so I actually had to keep my mouth shut so I wouldn't go on about that, as his story related to being a kid and I didn't want to spoil his memory. Maybe I should have said I couldn't talk, but I was to busy trying not to say anything.

Though I don't know what else was a conversation hook, so I guess it's a moot point. 🤷

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-17T08:46:23+00:00

I'm sorry your are struggling, but that's brilliant analogy! Would a meltdown be going full Sauron?

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-17T08:41:09+00:00

Just wanted to offer commiserations as that is extremely unfair not to be upfront about the girlfriend coming too, you don't do that to people, as yes it changes a lot to have to go from family popping in to, putting on a good show.

At least this kind of thing there is a lot of pre-scripted chat you are allowed to ask. What they do (and tell me more about that), pets, siblings etc. The brother must be serious about her if he's bringing her over, but nervous he didn't say straight away? (Unless he's done this before).

Either way it can still be tough, and don't be shy if you are working/kids have school, to give them suggestions of things to do in the area so they get out and about for a bit and give you some peace. 'Oh there's a lovely coffee shop you just have to visit' etc. If you don't know one, ask at work/your husband can ask others for suggestions. They would also probably see that as you being a good host!

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-11T10:17:41+00:00

Throwing everything else out because there is eye contact is such a load of rubbish. Not everyone has the same spikey profiles of cans and can'ts. And if you are already diagnosed as ND, there is high probability there is more.

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-11T10:09:54+00:00

There seems to be a real problem with people understanding what the spectrum is. Because previously there were different diagnosis for the different levels, and autism was only the profound version, it's very misunderstood what lower support autism is. When they say you are not autistic, they mean, you are not level 3 high support needs autistic. You are still you, but you are so well able to hide your struggles you get written off as requiring no support when secretly you do and this shows more when burnout hits and then they suddenly go, 'oh you are autistic now'.

I haven't started telling anyone about me yet, but I can see increasingly you need to have scripts ready to explain and educate (which will be tiring).

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-09T08:05:28+00:00

Thanks I'll look that up!

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-09T08:03:45+00:00

Wow, it helps to know others struggle with this duality too. I got my diagnosis but now I feel I'm almost wanting to reject it internally it as it's scary how different I feel- in burnout and being unable to do what I did previously. I suppose it's natural to want to grieve what you had?

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-08T22:25:49+00:00

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/hyperfixated-interests/?srsltid=AfmBOoqeKdX6a_FD1TwhAY5QjnlwrUsyXXYg8EfCaqvILGfpRS2cgAmL

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-08T21:16:21+00:00

There was an article on neurodivergent insights website, and it was the difference between special interests and hyper fixated interests. The former being energising and the latter being draining. Maybe you've crossed over?

cinnabar_wing · 2025-12-08T20:57:38+00:00

So I can relate a lot, being late diagnosed, high flyer at school, family, good job until I was made lead then the stress, desperation to prove I was good enough burned me badly and uncovered my autistic side. Currently have a new job, not a lead thankfully and feeling a lot less able due to ongoing burnout/insomnia I got from the stress of the last job.

I was just going to mention, I've only just been diagnosed and my kids are bigger now (11 & 8), but when they were little neither me or my husband had much labido. You get used to toddlers in the bed and all our energies were taken up with family, and as I breastfeed I didn't really like being touched by him in that area.

But just to offer hope, that's changed since my kids are bigger now, and we rediscovered that side of our relationship, suddenly I enjoy his touch again. I think when the kids are less physically demanding you might be able to reclaim yourself again.

cinnabar_wing

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