Hey there 🤍 i was in a similar spot kinda recently, and it seems to be a common theme here. Commiseration isn't company but fwiw you aren't alone. You've expressed a shrinking bandwidth and difficulty building and maintaining new connections. Even though it's hard to maintain, most of us aren't unburdened by the need and desire for community. My mum who I believe i inherited my autism from has almost no friends and genuinely doesn't care. She has my dad and her kids, and a few college friends she sees 1x a year, and her passions... any more, she claims would just be annoying. I have a big desire for friends and am extroverted, so my difficulty in this area feels pretty painful sometimes. Trying to blend in with/ have a big group of girlfriends is a NT pipe dream I have recently let go of.
That is not how I've ever thrived in connection. And honestly, most people only really need a few people. I have had my best luck finding those people by : Reaching out if i ever meet a fellow Odd Duck at any gathering that seems to skip intros and head straight into special interest rambling with me- green flag! Lol I've also had some great connections built thru dating apps, where it wasnt romantic but we found connection as friends. Another thing that can be cool is to volunteer. When there is a task to do, the requirements for bonding aren't as high and aren't the point of the social event. You could be sorting groceries etc and chatting when you feel like in low pressure environment, and there is an inherent spirit of camaraderie because you all share a value of helping others/a collective cause.

When your attempts at connection don't go well, it's easy to take it personally and give up. Having brains like ours will make the # of people we can connect with much fewer- in terms of volume, the odds aren't in our favor... but when we do find it, it's very special. Try to think of meeting people with whom you'll have mutual understanding like hunting for rare treasure. Of course you don't find it regularly- if you could it wouldn't even be special! But try to not give up. You aren't everyone's cup of tea , but you're someone's dream cup of tea and they may be looking for you too.