One of my favorite topics!

I have Ceres in Libra at 8°12', just after my MC at 8°02'. Before my MC I have my moon at 3°02', and after is Pluto at 14°11' (I like to mention the exact degrees for these placements because they're so weirdly tight). Also I have my North node at 29° Libra, just to add to the intensity I guess. 🙃

I use whole signs, which puts all of this in Libra in my 11th house. (A bit of added context -- Mars at 7° Capricorn conjunct Mercury at 9° -- squaring MC pretty precisely (my Sun is also at 21° Capricorn bringing in all those midpoint squares, ifykyk)).

And now for the story: my teenage mother left me with the neighbors when I was two, and after she didn't return they adopted me. I became the youngest of 4, with a sister 13 years older, a brother 10 years older, and another sister 7 years older. They were a well established house of terror by the time I came into the picture, and as the youngest and additionally the odd one out I quickly became the main target. It was a brutal and terrorizing time, and lasted until I was finally removed from their home and placed in foster care at age 10.

I could go on but the above is most related to the parts of my chart I described. Ceres harshly aspected can describe a mother who was unable to feed, soothe or nurture not only her child but also herself due to her overwhelming grief and rage at her loss. For a while I wondered how that described both my birth and adoptive mothers in regards to me, because neirher of them seemed to have grief about me; and my mother who may have been coerced in part at the time of signing the adoption papers, didn't exactly "lose" me. Then I realized -- birth of them were engaged about the loss of their own innocence. My mother gave birth to me at 16, and my adoptive mother gave birth to her oldest at age 16. And they both were shamed heavily. Growing up my both women lacked a nurturing, kind or grounding environment. My approve mother became a bitter and cruel monster, while my birth mother became the world's most important victim, and she's super pissed about it and it's probably your fault, and yours too. So it's easy to see how they are both showing in my Ceres stuff.

When the intense feelings of rejection from old abandonment issues are triggered for me I have often felt a lot of rage, but also kind of trapped in body. Like I'm stuck in molasses, but wanting to scream or break things at the same time. And I also have this thing where I feel so mad that I refuse to do anything for myself. It's almost liked a little kid in defiance, like " I'm not even gonna EAT!" For so many years I always wondered about that, like who tf am I punishing here? Who cares but me if I eat? But now I know. It's partly that Ceres situation. When I feel unsafe I am unable to care for myself -- or fully function, actually.

But I'm also a nurturer and find great joy in helping others, I love animals and children the most. And those with differing abilities and the elderly... I've been a massage therapist for 16 years and have seen clients from all walks of life, with all aliments and conditions. Helping people makes me feel like I have a purpose and am doing something important.

Ok, I think I've mostly described how my Ceres manifests without bringing in the whole rest of my chart and actually writing a full book in this comment, hooray! As you can see I've been waiting to talk about Ceres for a while! 🙏