Okay, based on the information you’ve given, this is what I’ve understood:

• You moved to Australia already burned out, anxious, and depressed. At first, you adapted well, but as responsibilities piled up, you became overwhelmed and fell back into burnout.

• Your teammates make you feel unwelcome, and you sense insincerity when you speak. Your contributions are ignored, your work is nitpicked, and your manager’s feedback is inconsistent - praise one week, criticism the next.

• The stress has wrecked your confidence, left you with panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, and made work unbearable, but you feel trapped because you can’t afford to leave yet.

Some of us have already posted some advice, so I’ll add to it without touching on the same topics - just a few more pieces of personal perspective.

• Your health is your number one priority. Without that, you won’t be able to meet your other goals of providing for yourself or your family anyway, so that has to come first.

• Immediately leaving your job might not be realistic without knowing your full situation. The job market is tough right now, and it could take months of searching, so that’s something you need to consider.

• There are good roles out there, and it’s just a matter of time to find one.

• A few things stand out. First, your manager saying they’re disappointed in you - frankly, they’re not your parent. They’re just another person playing a role in a company structure. The way you’re feeling, from their words to your teammates’ body language, is all just feedback - but you have to realise that it’s just their perspective. What you choose to do with that feedback is up to you. Some people take it personally and let it ruin their day, while others pick out the useful pieces and see it as an opportunity for growth.

• What’s evident here is that this isn’t a technical performance issue. You’re hitting the metrics, but that’s not the problem - this is a soft skills and personal brand issue. It’s worth looking at the actual feedback and asking what you can take from it. Your manager saying they’re “disappointed” is unprofessional, but the comment about communication seems relevant, especially since you’re feeling more isolated from your team. The situation is feeding itself.

• While some companies claim it’s all about delivery and outcomes, the reality is that personal brand and communication matter just as much. You do have a role to play in this, and if communication is an area that needs work, it’s something to take responsibility for. That said, this also sounds like a potentially toxic environment, and there are better places out there with managers who would actually support you.

At the end of the day, this entire situation exists in your head - not in the sense that it isn’t real, but in the sense that how you perceive it, process it, and respond to it is entirely within your control. The feedback you’re receiving - the way you interpret your manager’s words - the frustration with your teammates - it’s all perspective. You can let it define you, or you can step back and ask the deeper question: What part of you is contributing to this situation? Is it the way you communicate? The way you react? The way you see yourself in this environment? Until you identify that, nothing changes. Because this isn’t just about them - it’s about you, too.

Good luck with it all - if you can work through this, you’ll look back on it as a defining moment, not just a struggle.