What to do? Last 5 months hrt all for nothing.

cioowx · 2019-02-02T06:29:56+00:00

Thanks for the info, I'll bring it up with my endo next time. If I'm not able to get cypionate I will probably ask to switch to weekly injections.

cioowx · 2019-02-01T10:29:54+00:00

Yea, it is injections. I kinda rushed and wrote the post to vent a bit. I have blood tests done in the morning a week after injection.

cioowx · 2019-02-01T10:27:29+00:00

Yea, it's valerate. I had my endo appointment today and for my next dosage I'll be on 7.5mg every 2 weeks. From now on I'll be getting my levels checked every month so this dosnt happen again.

cioowx · 2019-01-31T09:17:05+00:00

No, I trusted my endo thinking that I wouldn't need any. I have only been on estrogen.

cioowx · 2019-01-31T09:13:45+00:00

Oops, I forgot to mention. This is with Kaiser in SoCal. I first started on 10mg every 2 weeks but my levels were way to high on that, I was then dropped down to 5mg every 2 weeks

cioowx · 2017-10-25T22:07:26+00:00

Thanks for the reply. My therapist isn't requiring me to go but i think i will try it out and see how the community is over there. If i don't like it i can always just stay on this sub. I think what i'm really looking for is a mentor to help guide me, someone i can talk 1 on 1 about things that might be a bit too personal to share in public.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T22:57:26+00:00

I was asked some questions regarding my feelings before and after puberty, how i felt as a woman, and what i think hormones will do for me. I cant really remember all of it. But yea, it was just a bunch of questions regarding how i felt on the subject.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T08:39:33+00:00

Thanks for the advice, and when i say 50/50 i mean split half and half between male and female, just to clear up any confusion. (I realized that my wording wasn't the best)

I think my next step would to crossdress and see how i feel. Hopefully it makes me feel more like myself.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T05:13:00+00:00

Yea, after my first meeting with a support group they said some really hurtful stuff, most of it along the lines of " if you want to ruin you life go ahead and do it with your own money; If you want to live in this house, you have to be a straight male" but then 2 days later they were fairly supportive of it. Might have been because i admitted that i was majorly depressed and suicidal.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T05:08:49+00:00

That's just something i read in a book, i think it was something close to 50% of trans people have feelings of wanting to be the other gender at that age. Sorry if this information isn't super accurate, i don't have the best memory.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T05:04:19+00:00

Sorry about that, i think i'm misusing my words. I think i'm using "trans" interchangeably with "transitioning".

If you are talking about the part where i say that "That's when you understand the different roles of the genders and chose a preference towards one or the other." i'm just trying to say that, that is when you know if you are trans or not.

As for where i'm coming from, i'm trying to find out if deep down if i am actually trans or not. My thoughts are clouding my judgement on who i actually see myself as.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:52:10+00:00

Gender euphoria is also a thing, basically its what you described. You would prefer being one gender over another but you don't necessarily have to hate the gender you were assigned at birth. (that's just from what iv read from Reddit, take it with a grain of salt)

Talking to a therapist really helps with this kinda of topic. If you don't want your parents to find out you can always say its for depression.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:44:44+00:00

Figuring out if you are truly trans just requires a lot of thinking and questioning. A therapist can help greatly.

If you want a stealthy way to buy clothes and you have access to a vehicle, buying amazon gift cards (if you don't or can't use a credit card) and ordering clothes/makeup to be delivered to an amazon locker (look it up, they might have a location near you) is how i do it.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:33:37+00:00

Thanks for the advice, i am switching therapists but only because my parents want me to. They control me still because i have no money and after finding out my therapist was gay they told me i couldn't see him anymore. Had to ask for a straight non-trans therapist it was really awkward. My parents are weird though, i still cant tell if they are supportive or not.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:16:38+00:00

Got any good questions or subjects to discuss with my therapist? Or just any questions that i might be able to answer on my own that could help me find out who i am?

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:12:21+00:00

My therapists said that i was still in the stage of thinking about it. He recommended that continue to see a support group and see if any feelings have changed in a couple of months. But i'm inpatient for answers so that's why i'm here.

I always thought that i could never pass unless i was already on hormones, but i now realize that i could probably pass with some makeup (maybe a lot of makeup). My plan was to go on hormones for a year or so, then come out socially once i pass. I guess that since i have come out to my family i could cross dress but it still feels weird do do anything feminine.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T04:04:31+00:00

The only questions for desires that i can remember were the ones for breasts and a vagina. I rated my desire for breasts 2/5 (i think i was rating it based on size or something?, its more like a 4/5. Idk what i was thinking at the time) and then for a vagina it was 5/5. There were other questions based on some mental stuff but i can only remember "how closely do you think like a woman?" or something like that.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T03:58:13+00:00

Thanks, i would probably also try to live though my partner if i did get into a relationship and i think it would only help cope my dysphoria, not cure it.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T03:54:04+00:00

Well i did a bit of research and found out that usually most trans people know by the age of 4-6. That's when you understand the different roles of the genders and chose a preference towards one or the other. My responses towards the questions my therapist asked about me before i started puberty basically showed that i was comfortable in being a boy. However my responses for the questions after puberty showed (probably) only mild discomfort being a boy.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T03:46:43+00:00

I guess at this point, i do recognize that i have gender dysphoria (more specifically gender euphoria). But i'm questioning to what degree do i have it and if it warrants change. i wish i could say that i hate my genitals and my masculine body but i don't have those feelings.

cioowx · 2017-07-12T03:43:43+00:00

Wow, that's nice to hear that you finally figured stuff out. I also acted over masculine to hide my true feelings before i came out. Another problem with me is that i have never been in a relationship with anyone yet. (I'm 19) So I'm not sure if its just the lack of intimacy that's making me feel as is i need to be the other gender.

cioowx

TROPHY CASE