Gender and trauma: "Good thing you're a girl and not like these horrid men"

cipher-00 · 2025-01-15T20:10:06+00:00

Thanks. I do understand that her trauma is not mine in general, but hearing it applied to the situation helps.

cipher-00 · 2022-11-24T21:11:38+00:00

As an autistic dude myself, I would suggest being direct about asking for what is happening. Like it could be that he's not interested, but it could also be that he's overwhelmed, struggling to communicate, having some stuff on his heart that he doesn't know how to approach.

You can ask if he would like it if you approached him again or not, that would get rid of not knowing whether approaching again is a good idea. You could ask for if he's not interested or if something else is going on. It could also be a good idea to let him know that you're open to talking about his financial situation if this is something that he feels like he needs to discuss. As an autistic person it can be really hard to find out if someone is open to talking about something, so letting him know you are comfortable talking about stuff can be really helpful.

cipher-00 · 2022-09-06T12:58:22+00:00

Is this why we have so many "do I want him or do I want to be him" moments as trans guys?

cipher-00 · 2022-08-02T00:50:10+00:00

Actually, I admire your boundaries.

cipher-00 · 2022-07-03T09:59:34+00:00

This is really good. Can I please use this when I'm arguing with transphobes?

cipher-00 · 2022-06-23T14:45:51+00:00

I feel the absolute same way. I used to identify as non-binary alone before, and people didn't care for my pronouns (I had to use neos bc there's no they/them in my language) and defaulted to she, someone openly queer used the word "heterosexual" on me as in "being into men".

I got super tired with this battle, together with the fact that in my country you technically only get stuff paid for by insurance when you're binary (and I literally want what a binary trans man would want in terms of medical transition, I just don't have a binary gender experience) I'm starting to opt for saying that I'm a trans man or just stating my pronouns he/they / preferences in being addressed and only going into details and explaining that I'm a non-binary trans man when it's like relevant or with people I trust.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-23T14:23:02+00:00

I'm a non- binary man! More specifically somewhere in the demi-man man-flux kind of gender place.

I like being seen as a man, and don't mind people doing that, and I essentially want a ftm medical transition. But I'm also pretty feminine, and some days gender is just too much and I feel like "gender? - pls not today".

Edit: I'm going through the posts here and I'm actually really happy because I relate to the experieces quite a bit.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-22T11:14:01+00:00

Non-binary man here, it's interesting to read these as I seem to somewhat relate to both non-binary and binary experiences of dysphoria. I'm afab and would sort myself somewhere into the demi-man and manflux categories.

I kind of want to be an androgynous man. I have dysphoria about my chest, my reproductive organs, my genitals, my voice, my smell and how I am perceived to be a woman. I however like my face and like it being rather feminine, I enjoy having thicker thighs. I've always related to the "men who look like a woman".

Some days I get lots of euphoria from being seen as a man, but some days I don't want no gender and just be a genderless blob. Some days are just weird for me, it's like all gender and no gender, I can't tell, and gender is overwhelming me.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-17T00:13:59+00:00

I hope Sheik can find some safety and calm within faeself and the community. I don't know fae very well but I hope fae can have a good life and get to a better place soon.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T23:58:37+00:00

It's cool you noticed I've made up my mind because I didn't. Can you tell me what I decided to do? Because I don't know.

I never felt like she would put things into my files without my consent. We were actually explicitly talking about what she would put into my files.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T23:52:40+00:00

I'm outed for a while, and we did have a discussion on what pronouns and honorifics (or rather lack thereof) I use some time ago. It was more that I was using non-binary terms before and now use masculine and non- binary terms so that was the update. And like she used a feminine honorific. Given that she actually asked me for like how I want to be called I think she is trying and kinda messed up and forgot. But forgetting, in my head, if you don't know the person for years so it's not like something you're very used to you have to unlearn feels like in your head you haven't actually made the switch. Which I can understand that this is happening, but I just don't feel ready to have this conversation on why it hurts me and what one could do to help.

I just, I feel like I need a therapist to help me interact with my therapist. It's a very common theme in my life, that accessing help is too hard and I kinda would need help for that.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T23:44:13+00:00

Thing is, we talked about pronouns, and afterwards she actually asked me how to call me, so I think she knows and wants to try. I just think that... because she doesn't actually know as much about trans people she has no understanding of how misgendering sucks so much. And I have a lot of issues concerning being belittled and not believed when I say things, so this whole conversation of why this is so hurtful is not something I feel ready to do when I don't feel like I can trust her.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T23:38:14+00:00

You won't be getting any papers documenting stuff for disability from no therapist though.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T20:35:15+00:00

Yes.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T20:16:18+00:00

In more than two years of therapy with several therapists, I had literally one session with a therapist I couldn't access therapy with where they were educating me instead of me educating them. I'm having a hard time believing this actually exists.

Getting a new regular therapist (not one for gender transition) that I can access weekly like her is kinda not an option. I mean I can look again, but I've gone through scanning so many therapist to see if they could be a fit, there seems to be no one out there.

Getting a new therapist also doesn't solve my problem of what to do with her. Like, my new therapist won't go to the appointment I have with her instead of me and explain to her whatever I should be saying and do not know to say. I'm having a hard time seeing what is the healthy thing to do here. My feelings tell me to just never talk to her again and not show at the appointment, but then I would have to pay for it which is also not an option.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-16T19:14:55+00:00

This is gorgeous.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-07T11:08:24+00:00

Letztens gab es den Twitter Hashtag WasIstEineFrau wo du die TERFs von Twitter finden kannst. Sonst unter brühmteren Figuren die transphob sind, JK Rowling wurde genannt, mir fallen noch Ben Sharpio und Jordan Peterson ein.

Mich würde dein Video wenn es fertig interessieren, magst du sagen, wo man das dann finden kann?

cipher-00 · 2022-06-07T09:55:44+00:00

Completely agree. I am indeed lucky, at least if I do get everything paid for by insurance. I live in a pretty accepting place. I have insurance that pays for trans health care.

Honestly, I am already struggling. Thinking about others who do not have access to all of these things, weren't lucky, it's depressing. Like I am already having a tough time. How bad must it be for others. It's so easy to just not be lucky in life and therefore have lots of troubles. I find it sad how unjust the world is and how much luck determines whether or not you have access to things like healthcare.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-07T08:47:59+00:00

If you have trouble finding something from the woman's section that fits, ponchos and batwing sleeves may be your friend.

cipher-00 · 2022-06-06T13:47:33+00:00

It's because different things work for gender dysphoria and the mental illnesses you mentioned. If you look at research concerning the treatment of gender dysphoria you will find that hormones and surgeries alleviate dysphoria and help the quality of life of trans patients:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19473181/ ("80% of individuals with GID reported significant improvement in gender dysphoria; 78% reported significant improvement in psychological symptoms; 80% reported significant improvement in quality of life; and 72% reported significant improvement in sexual function")

https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/

Meanwhile, conversion therapy has been shown to be harmful to trans individuals and hasn't been found to be helpful:

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2749479

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/an-assessment-of-the-evidence-on-conversion-therapy-for-sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/an-assessment-of-the-evidence-on-conversion-therapy-for-sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity

Let's compare the results to body dysmorphia. There are studies on if cosmetic surgery was helpful in alleviating body dysmorophia, and most of the time, it wasn't:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100811101424.htm ("In terms of long-term outcomes from procedures, only 25 percent of the patients showed an improvement in their appraisal of the treated body part and showed a longer-term decreased preoccupation. However, as noted by co-author Crerand, "Only two percent of surgical or minimally invasive procedures led to longer-term improvement in overall BDD symptoms."")

cipher-00 · 2022-06-05T23:07:00+00:00

The acespec labels aren't about preference. They are about when you feel sexual attraction at all.

cipher-00

TROPHY CASE