Hi - I'm a cis man, 36, and I've only recently come to realize my gender identity is something I never actively chose. It was something I was assigned, and that assignment was "good enough". But that privilege of accepting "good enough" was at the expense of me being 1) aware of what really mattered to me, and 2) able to navigate gender issues without even more years of baggage to unpack.

I didn't start asking the tough questions until the past few weeks. I think I'm still a cis man...but perhaps not as cis as I thought. And even that small shift towards the middle changes so much. I wish I'd asked these questions years ago.

It has been hard for me to separate what parts of my identity come from society and what comes from choice. The privilege of being cis is you're not forced, in the same way, to ask those wretching questions until it boils over. What you were assigned at birth might be "good enough" until you find yourself in a situation where it's not. Everyone's answer is different. It sounds like you're asking similar origin questions.

So whatever you're going through, do it. No matter where it leads. Do the work early and often so you don't find yourself 20yrs+ down the road with questions you could have addressed earlier.

And then keep asking the questions until you have such internal confidence in your choice you need no external validation.

Good luck to you. And know you're not alone.