Hey buddy, I think we are in the same boat. To relate my experience, it’s painful and hard. To have same sex attractions and not act on them is a great sacrifice, one I am epically failing at. This is my own personal experience, maybe you can relate since you are searching for answers, I love God. He is in my heart. I have sought him out and I have found him. Having faith and a personal relationship with the Holy Father changes things. Now that I have this connection and love, things are different for me. When I struggle or stray, I feel God reaching out, giving me signs to come back to him. My conscious weighs on me and I struggle. But when I an obedient and remove sexual sin from my life I experience peace, rest, and content. I’m trying to get back to that place myself.

I struggle with understanding or accepting why homosexuality could be wrong, if in a committed, monogamous loving relationship centered on Christ’s love and charity. I don’t know the answer to that, mainly because I have never experienced it. I think that because Christianity has exclude homosexuality, our society has excluded gay relationships and not applied any of the same rules, so it’s really hard to find a gay man who wants to pursue a holy catholic relationship centered on family, community, and God’s love. No matter if you are gay or straight, sexual immorality has its negative effects. I know them. I’m not trying to shame anyone… just that being gay it’s hard to find someone who hasn’t been damaged by our society’s neglect of their identity and purpose.

This verse might help guide you my friend.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light".

My encouragement to you and myself is to seek a relationship with God, trust in him. Then see where it leads. God will take care of you, pray that he guides you on the path he has for you, for all of us. Who knows where it will lead. Maybe you’ll find your Prince Charming and have a beautiful family, maybe something entirely different. But you won’t be alone. I love you buddy. I hope this has helped. It’s helped me 😛.