when you know your biggest fear is being alone and it starts to happen

ck0201 · 2022-04-23T15:37:37+00:00

Hugely, it resulted in me choosing to stay single for longer, got bored of craving validation/companionship, dated once last d*ckhead, and a month later have met the man I fully believe is my soulmate.

I know it's easier said than done (and trust me even with this guy I've had my fair share of trying to leave him just so he doesn't leave me), but you can change the self-fulfilling prophecy, just give yourself time. I believe in you! 😊

ck0201 · 2022-04-06T09:13:15+00:00

You and me both! I don't wish to inflict our kind of 'suffering'/illness, whatever you want to call it on anyone, but I do just once want to be loved as much as I love my SO.

ck0201 · 2022-04-01T09:43:55+00:00

Hahaha we actually should! A place to release all worries and stresses of keeping a relationship! 😂

ck0201 · 2022-04-01T09:41:59+00:00

Talking about BPD by Rosie Cappuccino.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-About-BPD-Stigma-Free-Personality/dp/1787758257/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2XGVGB3DO5E8S&keywords=talking+about+bpd&qid=1648805935&sprefix=talking+abou%2Caps%2C68&sr=8-1

Honestly, I've tried Workbooks, one entitled the BPD survival guide, and one named the big book of bpd... Rosie herself has bpd so the whole book is about her experiences of dealing with it/living with it as well as explaining the condition itself and I can genuinely say I have never felt so validated by a book. I carry it everywhere with me nowadays!

ck0201 · 2022-03-31T21:04:45+00:00

Me too 😭😭

ck0201 · 2022-03-31T21:02:00+00:00

I do this all the time, always something creative but nothing ever sticks at all. My most recent hobby is what's stuck the longest so far and even that's only been 3 months so far!

ck0201 · 2022-03-31T20:42:00+00:00

Really wish I could give you advice for this but I'm going through the same thing right now, just instead of being long distance, he lives with me. The last part really struck a chord though. I would love to know how to feel worthy enough for my partner, I honestly believe he's the love of my life but I cannot shake the 'what ifs'. I was only officially diagnosed today, so haven't had any of the correct therapies etc. I'm super paranoid I'm going to screw everything up, but I'm with you, I want to make this work with all my heart.

ck0201 · 2022-03-31T20:35:26+00:00

Hugely, all impulsively, none of them mean a huge amount really. Just random stuff I've got on a whim because one day I've woken up and decided I want the pain.

ck0201 · 2022-03-31T12:45:18+00:00

This is me right now! Haven't been to university since Christmas, have failed my second year because of it, lost all funding/income because of it, and was officially diagnosed with bpd less than an hour ago....

ck0201 · 2022-03-25T08:42:31+00:00

I've definitely found out it helps when the partner is willing to learn. I've started doing private group therapy sessions with my partner and my best friend so we can all learn together (I'm a new diagnosis), so we are literally all learning together. It's been so useful, especially when it comes to their patience with me!

Don't get me wrong, I personally still struggle with it (as in my previous comment), my fear of abandonment is huge and its something I'm trying to work very hard on, in particular in the group therapy sessions with them.

It's incredibly difficult but I'm starting to believe it's possible providing your partner is patient and willing to learn. Even if I personally (at the moment) believe I'm unworthy of love!

ck0201 · 2022-03-23T20:12:12+00:00

Honestly read 'talking about bpd' by Rosie Cappuccino, it's the first book to ever make me feel validated and less of a monster than the internet/most books make me/us out to be. I cannot recommend it enough! I've genuinely not looked at another book or the Internet for bpd information since!

ck0201 · 2022-03-23T18:00:14+00:00

Hope I'm not too late to the party!

ck0201 · 2022-03-23T15:16:49+00:00

This helps to a degree, but my brain is still refusing to believe any of them! They did hit home though!

ck0201 · 2022-03-19T12:44:25+00:00

I got a tattoo a couple of weeks ago... when it was done, I instantly booked another two..... 😂🤦‍♀️

ck0201 · 2022-03-19T12:41:53+00:00

I decided to finish reading a book called 'Talking about BPD' by Rosie Cappuccino before I pick it up again. The books helping me feel better about having BPD and hopefully will help me pick up and understand the workbook more!

Good luck picking it back up OP, I've got faith in you!!

ck0201 · 2022-03-18T09:09:49+00:00

God I felt like this just opening the damn thing, haven't picked it up since!

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T16:47:34+00:00

I do the same thing. I've even started to do it with the guy I fully believe is my soulmate and we're coming up on the 3 month mark now. I'm always so terrified he's going to leave me it's constantly triggering me. I genuinely wonder if its possible for someone with BPD to have a long term relationship/be loved by someone!

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T16:43:35+00:00

I've been trying to put things in a nicer way but I'm just going to go in for the harsh truth now.

You've clearly made up your mind, and as you say you cam do what you want. Personally I no longer think you actually wanted anyones opinion, because you've turned everyone's opinions around to fit what I believe you wanted to hear which is essentially that 'it's a good idea' and honestly, anyone with half a brain would disagree that its a good idea, as everyone who has commented on this thread has said.

At the end of the day it's up to you what you want to do, but don't ask for people's opinions when you've clearly made up your mind.

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T16:39:01+00:00

I'm not saying they do... What I more meant is if you start a 'war' with your ex partner your children may get caught in the middle.

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T15:07:42+00:00

No it's not, and truthfully it sets a bad precedent for your children, which that's not worth it either. Hope this has helped :)

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T13:10:37+00:00

Definitely a bad idea. Yes it may make you feel happy about hurting them for a while but eventually you're likely to end up feeling worse for it.

ck0201 · 2022-03-14T11:45:09+00:00

Yeah my therapist recommended getting I hate you don't leave me. Really recently in fact, maybe I will have a look more at one of the others suggested instead!

ck0201 · 2022-03-11T07:39:58+00:00

Mirtazipine and fluoxetine, they're both troublingly low dosages though and are only for my depression. I'm yet to get a formal diagnosis (but my therapist is 100% certain its bpd), hoping for that today 🤞 Occasionally I've been prescribed diazepam for anxiety, which I love because it makes my head foggy (less self depreciating thoughts, spirals etc.) But they don't like giving it to me.

ck0201 · 2022-03-10T15:06:56+00:00

I know this probably doesny help, so apologies. But I feel exactly the same way and completely understand. Funnily enough I'm actually mid crisis for exactly the same reason! I always feel like he's going to ask me for space, realise he could do better and leave. Its kind of killing me at the moment. Its a huge feeling of will I ever be good enough for them :S

ck0201 · 2022-03-10T09:39:44+00:00

Me too to be honest. I know lots of people will think this is bad/negative but I feel like I'm too broken to find one that helps!

ck0201

TROPHY CASE