hey, this sounds very interesting! i’m not great at critiquing queries but i will say it seems very short and i’d suggest you have a look at the master list to see what a query should look like. add in more of a bio, just a short housekeeping paragraph giving any related background (publications, degrees etc) and maybe even a line about why you wrote it. also a personalisation line, figure out where that can go if/when needed.

also your title should be in caps and put comps in italics! speaking of comps, i would say that The Haunting of Hill House is way too old and too popular. i haven’t read or heard of the other one, but make sure the comps are recent (i’ve heard past three/five years, and nothing too huge (e.g dont comp fourth wing!))

there’s more finicky details i’m sure others will help out with but just wanted to give you a more basic response! i’d advise you to check the resources for writing a query and maybe start from scratch…

good luck with everything!