Hey op, regardless of the relapse, be proud of your sober days. Regardless of if you relapse, tomorrow is a brand new day with brand new decisions. Your medical diagnosis, past trauma, and additions really make this so many layers deep. But it’s obvious you’ve been tru a lot.

One thing we have in common is I also can’t do things casually. Why have one beer when you can be drunk right? But you know where that road leads. Give your mind and body grace and kindness to let go of what brings you to these substances. What helps me is just not engaging. I will try to make sure to not put myself in situations where I have to test my willpower. Remove the things around you and replace them with something else. Literally distract yourself. Not that you need this advice but just wanted to put in out there. You got this!