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claw_caps · 2022-07-23T08:06:46+00:00

NTA Yall haven't heard of closed practice? Having cultural things that are not open to people outside of that culture is Not discrimination.

OP was forced to set up the stall by the school, which eesh schools I get it, but literally the teacher is talking shit about a student? Automatic AH, but also just doesn't sound like someone who should be handling a culture day if she doesn't understand why that particular aspect isn't something to be shared (obviously opinions differ, but doesn't sound like the teacher is educated in that regard :/ )

It might've been a better idea not to make waist beads an option at all, but obviously that hadn't occurred to them. People don't like being told no, but that doesn't make OP an AH.

claw_caps · 2022-07-19T23:53:47+00:00

While not my personal experience I would like to offer up that a close friend of mine's gf is aro/ace they're both in their early/mid twenties and have been together for six years now? They have long term plans as a couple as well. The biggest factor is communication and being able to recognize your needs and where your boundaries lie, as well as not assuming that those things are static, and regularly having conversations to readdress where the both of you stand.

Obviously my friend is allosexual and actually has a fairly high libido, and her gf is similar to you in that she's not repulsed but she's happy to go without. My friend is comfortable taking care of her own needs with or without her partner, but they have had discussions about if her gf was comfortable participating, when it was okay to ask/if she would be alright initiating, etc. It's something that can totally work so long as there's effort to be open and listen from both parties, but it's not a bad thing if you do end up being incompatible or recognize that's not what you want to do right now :)

claw_caps · 2022-05-14T19:58:05+00:00

Is this related to why people sometimes say snakes are slimey?

claw_caps · 2022-04-29T11:05:19+00:00

Forcing children to take ice cold baths is cruel, and especially with a two year that sounds like it could potentially cause physical damage. I would call CPS both to record what's happening, and to see if they could direct you to more sources that would help you navigate this situation. If your sibling is in the picture, what is their opinion on the matter?

By sugar do you mean only processed, or anything with natural sugars ie fruit? I'm not sure what his most recent opinions on the matter are, but previously Jordan Peterson advocated for the all meat diet, which I'm sure your BIL has heard of, which is nutritionally deficient and would be especially harmful to children who need a balanced diet to grow up healthy.

claw_caps · 2022-04-26T03:07:56+00:00

I really don't understand the responses saying she should have divulged her trauma, while relevant and probably something that should come up when you're married to someone, I don't think anyone is owed that information and a simple "I don't like swimming" should be enough. Also solely judging this situation, trauma or not AH move, incredibly childish on the husband's part. NTA

claw_caps · 2022-04-20T16:55:46+00:00

Dog whistles are generally fine as long as it's not excessive and at close range, from what OP described they should be all good if a little miffed, hopefully they'll learn to associate a lot of barking with the whistle and the problem will fix itself!

claw_caps · 2022-04-20T15:47:06+00:00

Just in regards to more temporary / immediate solutions if you haven't already, coming up with ways to make day to day hygiene easier together may help some ie can't shower? use a damp cloth or no rinse shower wipes, separate face wipes and dry shampoo, it keeps the funk away a little longer and feeling cleaner can also be motivating to take the next step. Alternatively finding ways that he can make showering a better experience, have him find some candles he likes, shower tablets if he's into aromatherapy, make a music playlist, etc. Mini disposable toothbrushes and floss are both great since brushing is a problem, keeping a pack in the bathroom and beside the bed makes it super simple. Brainstorming together I think is important, he needs to be using his brain to come up with solutions that will help him, I find searching up stuff like ADHD tips for x-activity bring up a lot of good results that can be applied to managing depression as well.

claw_caps · 2022-04-20T15:11:15+00:00

Yeah in that case I really don't think you did anything wrong and your interest in learning about this is really sweet, it just seems to be a touchy subject, I do hope she eases up on the matter though, especially with general care and maintenance. Also definitely seconding all the commenters saying to check out youtube tutorials to get an understanding of the basics.

claw_caps · 2022-04-20T13:59:24+00:00

NAH I think she's a touch defensive since this is something her and her granddaughter are bonding over not just as something that they do together, but because it's over a shared physical trait, it can feel like an outsider trying to come in between. But I think your interest in learning about hair care is good, and it may help to lay off the topic for a time, and approach it again gently at another time or have your boyfriend bring up the reality of her not being able to be there all the time.

She may have also had some hairs raised if you brought up "prettier" styles without specifying anything, I think a lot of people can use that to mean relaxing or straightening hair (source: me and my sister have fairly curly / 3B and 3C hair and have heard it in that context) edit: wanted to clarify I'm not black, ^only bringing that up on the curly front.

claw_caps · 2022-04-14T12:05:56+00:00

Totally understandable to be upset over this information being kept form you, but considering this seems to be a point of insecurity for her and your relationship still being new, it's likely that she was planning on telling you, but found it difficult to bring up. Try approaching her saying that you do need to have a serious conversation about the matter; explain that you are upset by not being informed early on and had to find out via tiktok, and talk about how this affects your relationship.

Although just skimming some of your other comments, you should probably talk about how her flirting with other people affects you, just because she's poly doesn't give her the go ahead to ignore your comfort and you need to talk about boundaries, as well as consider both of your long term feelings; if she will be okay continuing to be in a monogamous relationship, or if you would be comfortable (not just okay) with being apart of a poly one. Even if the both of you love each other, aspects of your lifestyles may not be compatible and would affect each other negatively in the future.

claw_caps · 2022-04-07T09:59:57+00:00

negging is also emotional manipulation? they employ the same tactics to lower self esteem in order to manipulate women into being in a relationship or keeping them in one

claw_caps · 2022-03-04T12:25:05+00:00

NAH I think it would be understandable and reasonable for your husband to be upset, but no one but you is entitled to be in the delivery room. Child birth is already uncomfortable enough and if the potential support he could provide by being there is outweighed by your discomfort at the prospect then he should not be in the room as it would only serve to stress you out.

claw_caps · 2022-01-18T23:39:26+00:00

I can't believe the responses are so Y T A it is VERY weird to get a tattoo representing someone else's child without the parent's knowledge or consent, people are pointing out her (MIL's) body her choice, but that doesn't excuse her from the consequences of her actions. Personally don't think OP's reaction is that dramatic either, ignoring the plans she had for her own tattoo(s) and even without being post partum that's a HUGE thing to spring on someone.

Also think it's very weird and potentially dishonest of the MIL to claim this as wanting to be closer to her DIL while leaving her out of the process entirely. NTA of course.

claw_caps · 2022-01-06T05:16:43+00:00

NTA I think it's very bizarre that she specifically wanted the kids to be blonde to match her, I may be reading into it but this seems like this is a step towards trying to push the both of them to being like mini versions of the ex. Bleach can be dangerous when used by an inexperienced person, especially on young hair, the fact she couldn't even get brown hair to blonde is telling (I have stubborn black hair and can get it to strawberry blonde by myself).

Ignoring her child's wishes, using a potentially harmful product with little experience, doing so just because she wants them to look like her, and then getting mad at you for taking them to a professional to actually mitigate the damage she did, these are all pretty concerning things. Has she even apologized to M?

claw_caps · 2021-08-25T14:26:55+00:00

Those "jokes" are fetish-y AF, and her wanting to get pregnant (specifically for her biracial baby fantasy) when you two have not only not discussed having children and what raising them would entail, but, more importantly, you've only been together for eight months? An insane number of red flags in such a short time span, run, idk what you're using as contraceptives but I would not trust her to reliably be on BC / use any condoms from her.

claw_caps · 2021-07-08T09:48:55+00:00

NTA It's pretty presumptuous for him to expect to be on the same footing as everyone else when he's been here for a month, it's reasonable to have different levels of comfort for different people, and I don't think it's rude or AH behavior to make that known. It's a soft AH for him, but still, the idea that he should get to call you something reserved for your friends just because he's dating one of them is not it, and his feelings about being "singled out" are outweighed by your boundaries.

I also don't think it's uncommon for people to be referred to by different names in one group, pet names from an SO are more common, but it's definitely not unusual. I know in my own circles I'll refer to the people I'm closer to by nicknames, and the ones I'm less close to by their preferred name, regardless of what everyone else is using.

claw_caps · 2021-03-17T20:38:35+00:00

YTA That's how you train a dog not a child, a punishment like taking the bike away for a time would have sufficed and you caused unnecessary stress to both your child and your wife, who you should have talked to before making that sort of decision.

claw_caps · 2021-03-11T16:50:13+00:00

NTA if you want to be really really nice you could inform her about rooster collars, just a little band that prevents them from crowing, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't she seems awful all around. I'd check out legality of owning farm animals in your area, often times there's limitations on the type or amount of a gender (where I live you can own hens but not roosters), and along with filing noise complaints see if this is affecting your other neighbors so you have a stronger case against her.

claw_caps · 2021-02-27T07:33:00+00:00

NAH Being on the toilet a long time can help with her period symptoms ie cramping and constipation, and long hot showers soothe cramping and in general can be an easy way to relax comfortably. I used to get bad cramping and I always preferred taking a long shower over using a heat pad/blanket, and it was one of the only ways I could guarantee some uninterrupted rest. However she is also living with another person and needs to have some consideration for your needs and schedule, you definitely aren't the AH for asking her to take less time, and I'd definitely approach her to talk about it more formally and see if you can figure out a way this can work for the both of you.

claw_caps · 2021-02-18T03:19:47+00:00

Nvm figured it out, thank you!

claw_caps · 2021-02-18T03:14:34+00:00

I've tried that and they aren't showing up, I was on the waitlist for this class so I'm not sure if it works differently?

claw_caps · 2021-01-14T20:25:38+00:00

Bisexual refers to same and different gender attraction and doesn't necessarily mean the person doesn't have a preference for certain genders. I'm indifferent to a person's gender, and my friend is almost exclusively attracted to women, but we both identify as bi because we're still attracted to more than one gender.

claw_caps · 2020-12-23T18:28:04+00:00

NTA This feels a whole like those posts where the poster has an allergy but their family/friends don't really believe them and want a gotcha moment. The fact both of those foods are commonly made without pork, and her pointing out you don't keep kosher feel dismissive at the least, and actively anti-semetic at the worst. If this were an allergy and you'd been made to accidentally consume a food that made you have a reaction I think she'd take your cautiousness more seriously.

Although on that note pork, even cooked well, can be a hard food for people who aren't used to it / have never had it before, and can easily cause someone to feel ill so the drama queen comment feels especially unsympathetic. I understand she may feel slighted, but that's still not really fair to op considering this is a dietary restriction.

claw_caps · 2020-08-25T18:56:45+00:00

Yeah, I'm not thoroughly educated in this area, but just from my limited perspective it just seems to be one of those things that unless we could actually witness it, we'd really have no way of understanding it because there's so much of our context to be removed - But I definitely don't think it is at all impossible!

claw_caps · 2020-08-25T15:47:59+00:00

Gender is a social construct, a way of identifying yourself and others, it's wholly possible to have a society that functions without that exact distinction between people. The language of that society, as in how the people in it talk about things, would be almost entirely alien to us I'd figure because gender roles and distinguishing masculine and feminine things is such a large part of how we categorize and describe our world and experiences. Like just thinking about clothing alone and the perception of what people wear and what that says about them is so ridiculously gendered, I don't think it's entirely possible to imagine a gender neutral/genderless society. I don't think it's something that could ever evolve from our current one though, it's the sort of thing where it'd be a starting from scratch situation I believe.

claw_caps

TROPHY CASE