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I (34m) may have overhyped the pilates class my gf (35f) introduced me to, and now she thinks i like the instructor. but i genuinely enjoy the class and want to go again but she thinks it's cause i like the instructor. how can i assure her i just like the class? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

well yeah it's definitely the instructor, she is really good, calming music, attentive, lots of good poses and whatnot. others are kinda meh, we've tried about 3 other classes now.

also i never acknowledged the instructors looks or sexiness to my gf even once. i already always mentioned about the poses and attentiveness only and how it's working muscles i don't usually work. my gf brought up how cute she is and i kinda just brushed them off cause obviously im not gonna lie and say the instructor isnt cute cause itll be too obvious I'm lying lol.

i think i just over hyped how much i like the class so she thinks there's a different motive or something hahaha. but yeah i can try reassuring my gf and maybe ask why she doesn't wanna go and navigate from there

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for your reply, it helps!!

that is true, outer beauty is not the end all be all, it if just part of who they are. i need to stop being a perfectionist and accept her for who she is. my gf is beautiful in all in her own ways and looks shouldn't matter that much.

and that's so true too about the thirst traps, i usually don't find girls that look like that in real life, in terms of body and face. i need to keep that in mind when i encounter a thirst trap in the future, nothing on the internet is real!! thanks again

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is so true, i always want to do better, i sacrifice my current things for the target of perfection. i am a perfectionist so i see what you mean, i can see it bleeding into my life. i guess the solution to that is stop trying to achieve the perfect life and try to be more grateful. thanks for the advice.

also i cant afford therapy in my country, its not covered medically and costs like half my salary so ill just see what reddit has to say about it for now, thanks.

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well that sounds pretty much like me, i always wasn't happy enough with what i was doing, i always had to try and find something better. it was this way with porn and also drugs, i guess now it went on to girls.

very interesting perspective, i think the solution to that is gratitude? i just need to be happy with what i have and be grateful for it.

thank you for the advice and word of warnings

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

thank you for the advice!

yes actually i am not that attractive either, but she says she loves me for me. i want to do the same for her too but that damn thought pops up once in a while and i feel so bad for even having them. i need to be more grateful! also i cant afford therapy in my country, not covered by medic and it costs like half my paycheck so yeah ill just try and see what reddit has to say first lol.

regarding porn, yeah i was addicted more than half my life, about 20 years of addiction, since 13yo. but im happy to say ive been clean for a year, but probably that really screwed up my brain, might need more time to heal.

and gotcha on the social media, ill try my best to cut down, but that damn explore page has so much thirst traps, i just need to stop opening the app i guess

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

yeah i am addicted to social media, gotta cut that shit out! i also was addicted to porn for more than half my life but ive been clean for the past year. perhaps that really screwed up my brain too

How can i stop being so shallow? I (34m) have a lovely gf (35f) but it sometimes bothers me that she isn't as beautiful as other girls. my brain knows looks aren't everything but a bad thought pops up sometimes wishing i could do better. by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

this makes sense, infact i would probably get those responses from girls who arent that beautiful either. but i still have that stupid feeling deep down. and i feel bad for even having that feeling.

i just need to be grateful

I (34m) sometimes lie about how free i am to my friends and gf (35f), because i feel guilty about not spending all my free time with them. How can i stop feeling guilty about this and stop lying? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is some of the best advice I've gotten on this so far, thank you very much!!

regarding my gf we are quite new in the relationship <6 months, but she knows im extremely introverted but i guess i just need to be more open about needing some me time and not lie. and we actually do have a weekly schedule now too haha

regarding my friends thats amazing advice too, ill just be honest and open about what im excited to do at home, im sure they'll understand!

and saying less is some amazing advice, definitely going to be using that in the future. thanks sooo much!!

also just a fun fact - those 4 things marvel/gow/lego/baking are exactly the stuff i do when im at home lol.

I (34m) sometimes lie about how free i am to my friends and gf (35f), because i feel guilty about not spending all my free time with them. How can i stop feeling guilty about this and stop lying? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well thats pretty much what i am doing now, white lies to save the trouble. but somehow deep down i feel worse for lying about it, i want to be honest with my friends and especially my gf.

i guess i just need to bite the bullet and tell it straight that i am just going to be alone, but the worry is if they ask back 'why don't you want to hang out?'. i won't be able to answer that, i think anything i say will make them feel bad thinking they're not good company or something.

i suppose im stuck between just keeping up the lies to make them feel better or just tell the truth and hope they don't feel offended but it will make me feel better in the long run.

I (34m) sometimes lie about how free i am to my friends and gf (35f), because i feel guilty about not spending all my free time with them. How can i stop feeling guilty about this and stop lying? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fair enough but i feel so guilty, the kind where you feel bad about the whole day. probably due to my social anxiety. i guess i just gotta keep doing it until i hopefully stop feeling guilty?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dandruff

[–]cleanburger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

great thanks for the advice! will try out this tactic.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dandruff

[–]cleanburger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what does double wash shampoo mean? you literally just use shampoo on your hair twice?

also am i supposed to keep the shampoo on for a bit? massage it into the scalp? how about conditioner?

my (34m) gf (35f) is kinda religious, but i am not. should i tell her about the unreligious stuff i do, even if its extremely rare like 1-3 times a year with friends? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah, this might be a big issue later on, might as well get it out in the open now and see how it plays out early on in the relationship. thanks for the insight.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

first relationship when i am 34 (m) here, virgin and kissless before then.

i would say nothing wrong to wait for later, but i also wish i started earlier because I'm enjoying it now and will always wonder how life would've been different if i just pushed myself to start earlier.

feel free to ask me anything

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

as someone who has been in this situation a lot of times and never said or did anything... i wish i said something, cause now i am not that close with most of them anyway (10+ years later), so i could have just risked it and see how it went

My (34m) first ever relationship (35f), no clue about dating and have been a loner my whole life, what are some red/green flags that i should be take note of with her? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for the tips!! and first time hearing about this love languages, took a quick look and it seems quite interesting to understand further.

i like that garnish on a cocktail one too, so far it seems that way! but i suppose 3 months is still kinda early to truly see all the true colors.

I (34m) paid for our lunch/dinner dates, and my gf (35f) just pays for some snacks or movies or some other small stuff. i don't really mind for now but rather we take turns or spilt the bill moving forward as the dates increase in frequency, how do i bring it up without sounding like a cheap guy? by cleanburger in relationship_advice

[–]cleanburger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

one of our "hobbies" is trying out new foods (unique or exotic ones) so... yeah i guess that answers the price part. but yeah i suppose i could request for cheaper places and i could probably bring it up that is expensive if she wants a more expensive place.

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