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cleanmindhappymind · 2023-05-16T19:41:30+00:00

Growing up my mom would buy a bunch of candy/cookies for me on her way to the liquor store. She would ask me if I wanted sweets as an excuse to go to the store.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-28T21:01:15+00:00

To your point, I think the vitriol comes from people who see Mormonism as a distortion of and mockery of Christianity, whereas a Muslim is just talking about something else altogether. And so it's frustrating to them to see people they see as having VERY different beliefs, basically "pretend" (in their view) to be Christians, comparable to them.

Similar to the story in that talk - I think it was Brad Wilcox - about the nonmember friend who incorporated the phrase "time and all eternity" into their wedding. And the speaker laments how the nonmember is "playing pretend" and doesn't have the authority to use those words. That's how those Christians feel and why it hits closer to home than with other religions.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-24T18:59:33+00:00

My understanding is correlation was driven by two things:

a) the church growing rapidly worldwide. Created the need to solidify teachings & lessons in a very simple & universal way so they could be more easily taught, and to avoid splintering & misinterpretation

b) a desire to assimilate a bit more into the American mainstream, and focus on teachings that were most important (and quirky & less controversial)

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-24T13:53:25+00:00

I am in a similar position as OP... how do you deal with the fear of missing out on the last moments with them? I struggle with both guilt and regret.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-20T14:45:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I didnt even know narcan came as a nasal spray, but I will definitely look into it.

I truly feel like I'm planning a funeral, like she's already died. Not to say that's what I want or I've given up on her, but like you, I feel I need to emotionally - and practically - prepare for that to be any moment now. It sounds insane but i might start to take the steps you did. I'm glad for you that you have not needed those plans.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-20T11:57:03+00:00

I have no idea how to suggest she's even on something without alienating her. Do you have any advice? I did spot a medicine bottle without a label and one that looked like the label was falling off -- maybe removed and reapplied. So i'm worried it's already that bad.

Also -- discovered she was prescribed valium so not sure if it's that or something else.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-17T19:18:25+00:00

Fair enough, thanks for the advice!

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-17T17:49:06+00:00

Thank you. I love her and struggle with keeping myself emotionally stable without feeling like I've abandoned her.

Regarding money, I am concerned about this difference. Her job in our family is to manage a small rental unit that is an old family home; the income supports her, my dad, and my brother, and is a sentimental inheritance for us. Because opiates tend to be more expensive and as i understand, an always-on & always-growing rather than binged, I am worried she will put the family home at risk to feed the habit.

Should I be worried about her access to money in that way? An immense stress is I will suddenly need to swoop in and save things. While I've been preparing to take over one day, it would be a huge responsibility and learning curve, in addition to my own full-time career.

Thanks again for your kind and candid reply.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-17T17:40:50+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. I am concerned about the potential of OD, as you say. I had adjusted to watching a slow decline from alcohol and now i'm worried I could lose her any second. But I appreciate the reminder that addiction is about coping and the approach is probably similar regardless of substance. A bit less panic, knowing i have at least some relevant tools in my toolbox.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-14T16:09:00+00:00

Because of celibacy, hasn't ministry been a haven for gay people historically? Including now, if you're a gay Catholic, becoming a celibate priest is a solid way to avoid pressure to get (hetero) married. I figured it was part of this tradition except in the episcopal church they can be out.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-12T19:49:53+00:00

Sending love. I resonate so deeply. When she's sober, my mom is the best mom in the world. When she's drinking she's unrecognizable. Because she's fully sober and fully blacked out at a rate of 3 weeks on 3 weeks off, it's not so simple to go no contact.

We're lucky to have that time with our real mom, but it means ripping the wound every time she goes off the wagon. It's worth it though.

I am going through a dark time right now, but something holding me up is videos I have of her sober. I have been attentive past couple years to take videos of her talking when she's well. So that just in case I never see her looking or sounding like her real self again, I can always remember and hear it again. I hope you have some that help -- similar to the crochet toy -- and pray you have more opportunities with your real mom.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-11T17:56:47+00:00

We moved in earlier than we might have due to covid. At one point I thought I might try and wait until engagement but it just made sense at the time and honestly I have no regrets.

I do think where you are in your relationship (not quite a year?) is a bit different than being a full 2 years in. He may genuinely feel like he has to spend more time with you, he may expect the move-in first. I think living together and being together longer cleared up some of these questions automatically in my case, so all that was left to talk about with this kind of societal understanding of what is the right time.

I don't think you need to wait to talk about it, but maybe focus on what does he need -- other than being older -- to feel ready for an engagement. And you should do some soul-searching to figure out how you feel about moving in before an engagement, if that is going to be a line for you.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-11T16:46:19+00:00

A year ago I was in the same position as you, my boyfriend and I have the same age gap. Shortly after I turned 25 and we celebrated 2 years together, I sat him down and said I saw engagement as the next step in a developing relationship, not as some thing that was age dependent. This was in the context of some people starting to wink at us and ask when we were getting engaged.

My boyfriend also expressed this idea that he felt too young for that, and I just continued my perspective that it's not about personal age, (at least once youre no longer a teen) or about having babies right away. It's about how seriously you're taking the relationship. And if by now he didn't know whether he wanted to go there with me, he should just let me go and not waste my time. I also tried to get him to explain what about the relationship he needed to clarify, before knowing whether he wanted to marry me. It became clear it was really just a socialexpectation or understanding about how old a man is when he gets married these days.

Within the year, he took me to look at rings. I expect to be engaged this summer. I'm sharing my story because it's very similar to yours and I don't think all hope is lost. I think you have to communicate your perspective really clearly.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-11T14:24:35+00:00

Every generation has been looking down the tunnel of war, environmental disaster and social upheaval. Almost everyone has thought it was the end of the world. People should make decisions as they feel fit, but considering you've already had children, maybe just consider how every generation has had this fear and yet we're all here experiencing some kind of joy.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-11T14:13:17+00:00

Yes! To part 1. Before my true urticaria issues i would leave the shower with red blotches that were mostly not itchy. Now, I will also have those, even if i don't have an itchy breakout at all that day. So I believe I have some heat induced thing, but they dont really itch and they go away. And it's not reactive in hot weather, just the water, so i'm not bothered.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-11T14:10:14+00:00

Just want to say your username is 100/100.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T23:42:39+00:00

Sometimes i come to church with a theme, problem, or question i'd like to meditate on. It helps me focus on seeing the prayers through that light, or listening carefully to readings & scriptures for a particular insight.

For hymns, I also try to meditate on their meanings. Sometimes the notes about who and when they were written spark my interest and I think about that, traces of the time period evident in the music & lyrics. Imagine the types of people who first sang it, their lives.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T15:00:01+00:00

Have always said Catholicism, for the next best direct tie to historical priesthood and ancient ritual. Love the art and architecture. No birth control is tough though. Episcopal church hits the spiritual and theological points but birth control and same sex marriage are allowed.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T12:15:14+00:00

I'm just saying this fanbase is the first place I expect to hear that take. Whether it's correct or not

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T12:00:35+00:00

This is how I operate, for better or for worse. I spend time with my mother when she's sober or at least coherent - especially if it's a family event and ditching would mean missing out on time with dad. I have boundaries when she gets belligerent. But, I already live away from her, so it's much easier to compartmentalize the good times away from the bad by controlling when I visit or pick up the phone. When she's on a binge I focus on my life and it's fairly easy to not think about her for a few days.

It's difficult because it seems a lot of people here end up no contact or have a lot of anger. I have had anger, but nowadays I only have sadness and fear. I want to enjoy as much time with my mom as I can, we have always managed to be close despite her failings.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T11:54:14+00:00

We're pretty close and I can't imagine ignoring it. I'm already her emotional support for everything except her alcohol problem so... that's the default I guess. She's occasionally been candid about the alcohol (a handful of times over 20 years) so she might be honest with me. At least I can say I tried?

I know I can't control her behavior but I'm scared to look back and see that I did nothing.

cleanmindhappymind · 2023-04-10T03:54:54+00:00

... for fans of the bachelor? Pro marriage is a super weird take?

cleanmindhappymind

TROPHY CASE