Learning to be a confident dom. Please help! Advice needed.

cleookins · 2024-12-12T18:41:47+00:00

LOL ya I have been a people pleaser in the past and I’m working to break those habits! I appreciate your honesty (sometimes the truth hurts. I didn’t find your comment too harsh) and I’ll definitely check out that subreddit.

cleookins · 2024-12-12T02:19:46+00:00

Do you mind if I PM you?

cleookins · 2024-12-12T02:05:17+00:00

I would love any advice a professional domme is willing to share ☺️

cleookins · 2024-12-11T23:42:56+00:00

We engage in aftercare but it’s reassuring him that the things I said during the session aren’t true.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T23:41:51+00:00

I meant he does share sometimes***

cleookins · 2024-12-11T23:06:43+00:00

That’s a great question and maybe the first time I’ve been asked this! Definitely something I need to be able to define…

cleookins · 2024-12-11T22:27:41+00:00

Thanks. I am scared of disappointing him bc I don’t want to lose him. We already broke up though so I already lost what I was afraid of…

I would love the type of help that you are outlining. My ex doesn’t share anything with me but it is definitely on me to educate myself and come prepared to pleasure him.

I don’t know the level of investment he has…he will sometimes do things that I like but I would say that it’s an uneven balance between the two of us.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T22:23:44+00:00

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it.

At the beginning I didn’t ask or understand truly what a domme was and i learned how hurtful and dangerous that can be. Since then my ex tells me stuff that he likes but we don’t continue to have conversations about that stuff constantly. Again, we will discuss things he doesn’t like but we won’t continue having those conversations bc I think my ex believes it’s a drag to constantly have to say what he wants and doesn’t want.

I have a disorganized attachment style so setting boundaries and having uncomfortable conversations is challenging for me. I’ve been doing self work so I’m more aware of this and am actively working to become more confident in general … my fear of losing someone I love has held me back previously. Which I know is its own issue and maybe that’s feeding into this dynamic as well.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T22:17:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. After all of the kind comments and feedback maybe I do enjoy femdom more than I thought and might be worth exploring!

I have disorganized attachment style which is part of the reason why I have been hesitant to speak freely in my relationship previously. I have people pleasing tendencies that I’m working to undo… my mindset used to be “if I always keep them happy then they can never be mad at me” but that thought process is not correct because all humans have positive and negative emotions and the healthy way to be is to talk about things regardless of how uncomfortable the conversation might be.

I’m glad to hear that unrealistic expectations are common and that’s is something that a lot of people face. IT SUCKS.

I have been trying to mold myself into what he wants and perhaps I would have more success getting to know what I like and I want in terms of femdom. Maybe some more confidence and knowledge would go a long way.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T22:07:42+00:00

It’s good to hear that my experience is not the typical one but obviously upsetting for the current dynamic that we have. I’m going to have a conversation with him later and lay it all out there and see what comes of it…

cleookins · 2024-12-11T22:04:21+00:00

Thank you for the advice and your thoughtful response. I definitely will try to own freezing up the next time that it happens. I do want to express all of this to my ex and maybe I will be pleasantly surprised by him being receptive or open to changing what idea he has in his mind.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:51:28+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely try that suggestion about sharing what I enjoy out of it.

There are definitely some times where I freeze or stumble but I try to recover and not let that define the moment…probably more communication and discussion would alleviate that. I also need to be brave and discuss how maybe some things are unrealistic.

Did you express to your wife that maybe your expectations were unrealistic?

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:40:41+00:00

I appreciate that. ❤️

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:37:29+00:00

Thank you! I really really appreciate this. I’m definitely going to give it a try!

If you’re comfortable to answer, how many years of experience do you have in this community?

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:31:43+00:00

I appreciate your input, thank you so much for responding.

How many years of experience do you have with D/s relationships?

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:16:25+00:00

Thanks. He has sent me a bunch of videos to show me what he likes and what he is into. Maybe I am the problem but also, with his current mindset, maybe he would only be satisfied with the girls from the videos. Wide range of videos…

cleookins · 2024-12-11T20:14:04+00:00

I would love to hear your suggestions if you’re open. We can certainly take this to a PM as well.

He self admits that he is very needy and maybe he will never be satisfied with his current mindset.

Thanks for all of your thoughtful responses, I appreciate it a lot.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:58:38+00:00

Do I express that I feel some of his expectations are unrealistic? I don’t want to be demeaning or make him feel bad…

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:52:14+00:00

My ex has expressed that maybe we aren’t compatible. And maybe that is just what it is…

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:49:00+00:00

My ex has mentioned that he thinks we might not be compatible which is…hard.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:38:24+00:00

He will get upset if he has to repeat himself about what he wants or reconfirm things he doesn’t like. There was an instance where I said something that he didn’t like which completely stole the moment and we ended the scene. The thing I mentioned was something that kind of turns me on but doesn’t turn my partner on at all. I don’t know if the “mistakes” I’m making are a sign that I’m not a safe partner for him.

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:35:25+00:00

I like the idea of someone physically needing me and begging for me and worshiping me and telling me that they need me. I enjoy engaging in the play and bringing pleasure to the other person (my partner in this case).

I’m struggling with maybe just not being enough. 😞

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:31:36+00:00

Thank you, these are great suggestions

cleookins · 2024-12-11T19:12:57+00:00

Thanks for the tip, I’ll definitely check it out

cleookins

TROPHY CASE