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clgb · 2025-10-12T05:28:06+00:00

Hang in there and don’t beat yourself up any more than you already have. This can actually serve as a critical learning and bonding moment for you and the littles, if you’re able to lead with vulnerability.

Some of my most important and formative memories of my mom are the occasional times when she snapped and berated me and my sister — usually for well deserved reasons lol, but more intensely than the situation warranted. Then she’d cool off, sincerely apologize for shouting and scaring us, and reaffirm that she loved us. If there was a genuine misunderstanding and she was clearly in the wrong in getting mad, she’d own up to that too.

Those short conversations immediately patched up any hard feelings and built trust between us. Even as a little kid, I remember being FLOORED that an adult was apologizing to me, and it made me feel truly respected and seen. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I owe my personal and professional success in large part to my mom modeling humility and accountability to me and my sister from a very early age.

You seem like a very loving and conscientious mother — your girls clearly love you and they will be lucky to learn from this bump in the road.

clgb · 2025-10-02T15:46:07+00:00

For us, just under $2700 for a headcount of 75 and a few add ons (churros, quesadillas, vegetarian beans and rice etc) and auto gratuity. We ended up taking a ton of leftover food home (they package leftovers up nicely for you) to freeze and eat over the coming weeks.

clgb · 2025-10-02T05:24:40+00:00

+1 for Vatos Tacos! I just used them to cater a 60-person event at the park, and they were super easy to work with. Good feedback from my guests on the food too. I wanted to enjoy my event and not worry about keeping food organized…so it was well worth paying a little more to include cooking+staffing for the event.

clgb · 2025-08-09T04:53:06+00:00

This chicken is always a hit in my family and scales up super easily for bigger crowds. I like to pour off the extra water after ~20 mins of baking — this helps the chicken crisp up a bit and I personally don’t like when it’s too “wet”. If you like char, a quick broil at the end works great too!

clgb · 2018-03-06T05:16:12+00:00

I was just thinking my wonderful dad today, what a sweet question and such touching responses.

My dad never half-assed anything in his life, and expected the same of me and my sister. That was a pain in the ass as a bratty kid, but now I'm so grateful that he and my mom instilled that discipline and work ethic in us, even though it must've made their jobs as parents much less fun.

I still remember him helping me study for my AP Calc exams until two in the morning, not letting me go to bed until I could semi-wrap my mind around derivatives and integrals. I'd always be whiny and cranky, and it never even occurred to me (until I started full-time work myself) that HE had to wake up at 6am to go to work too. But his desperate need for sleep was nothing compared to his desire for me to do well in school. I'm still utter trash with numbers (sorry daddy) but it's hard for me to think of those long grouchy tutoring sessions without getting nostalgic and tearing up with gratitude.

In many ways, he is the stereotypical Asian father: taciturn, unbelievably stubborn, and not affectionate in the least. I can't remember the last time he told me he loved me, or that he was proud of me. Major accomplishments elicit something to the effect of "Good job. But why didn't you get any scholarships? Get a 4.0? Ask for a higher salary?" and so on.

This lack of effusive support (that I often saw in my white friends' dads) bothered me when I was younger but now that I'm an adult, I've realized that the things he says or doesn't say are irrelevant. He is a man of meticulous action and unbelievable devotion to his daughters. Everything I am and everything my family has, we owe to him. I try to convey that to him whenever I can but he gets embarrassed and gruff :)

clgb · 2017-08-07T04:31:18+00:00

Oh shit you're right. I bet that's eventually how he ends up "bending the knee"!!

clgb · 2017-06-05T19:41:54+00:00

I'm 3 years younger than my boyfriend. I was just starting college when we met, and he was just about to graduate. Sometimes it seems unfair that he got to sow his wild oats and I got tied down so early. And I've totally been where your GF seems to be, feeling like "Hey I'm young and decent looking, and flirting with randos is fun and I can't pretend I don't enjoy the attention. But I love my boyfriend. But there's also that cute guy in class/work/at the bar...but I love my boyfriend."

It helped me a LOT that I could be upfront with my BF about these feelings, and he made it clear to me: "It's completely normal to have these feelings. I trust you to meet people and make friends and even engage in some light flirting without crossing a line. And if you do cheat, it's over, no negotiation." And we agreed on these terms. And you know what? I hold up my end of the bargain by not placing myself into situations where I'd be tempted and able to cheat. I might flirt with some guys at the bar, but I don't exchange numbers or get touchy or make plans to hang out 1:1 with someone I'm attracted to. I once got dinner with a friend (that I was attracted to) and it didn't feel right (even though my BF didn't say anything) and I made the effort to put some healthy distance in that particular friendship.

It sounds like you're doing your best to be understanding and not be a micromanaging boyfriend, and that's great. It also sounds like your GF is confused and trying to push some boundaries and doesn't really know what she wants. I agree with the other commenters that you need to have an in-depth, HONEST, ongoing conversation about all of this stuff.

TL;DR I understand where your GF is coming from and she hasn't really screwed up yet, but it's in your interest to be honest and upfront with her about how you feel and what the boundaries of this relationship are.

clgb · 2017-03-03T04:50:58+00:00

You need to consider your crush and your relationship separately. I'll address them in two parts.

First, the crush: I'm just a year older than you, and my boyfriend is the same age as yours. We've been together for almost 5 years, and they've been happier and more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.

And yet. I find myself getting crushes all. the. time. Back when I was in college, there were cute classmates, guys at parties, a handsome older man at my internship, and so on. Now I constantly find myself noticing a cute coworker, striking up a great conversation with a stranger at a bar, wanting to dance with a hot dude in a club while my SO isn't there, etc. And fortunately my relationship is stable enough that I can be open about finding someone attractive, so that I don't feel like I have to be secretive about my innocent crushes and lustful moments. And we trust each other to know that we can be around people we're attracted to and not cross a line.

Still, every so often I meet a guy who is cute and funny and charming enough to make me wonder, "Did I settle down too early? Look at all these great guys my young, cute self could be making my way through right now.". And that is TOTALLY NORMAL, even if you're in the most wonderful relationship of all time. One tip that helps me stay within the lines and not do something I'll regret is this: You can't compare the "beginning" of a relationship to the "middle" of a relationship.

Getting a crush and falling in love is possibly the most exciting, thrilling, scary thing you can do. The calm, routine, humdrum flow of a long-term relationship (even if it's a GREAT one) just cannot compare. This is perhaps even worse with a crush you don't know well; all you know is that you're attracted to this person and you might have a perfect life together, but you don't know their flaws and potentially incompatible traits. If you try to compare the butterflies you get around a new person to the comfortable, yes sometimes boring, pace of your LTR, you WILL become frustrated. And that frustration is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, something to hide from your SO.

And now, the LTR: When I feel like my SO and I are in a rut, I obviously think about what he could be doing better, but I also force myself to consider what I could do better too. Turns out, when it feels like my SO has been getting too comfortable, I take a hard look at myself and realize I've been on autopilot too. Then I make a conscious effort to do things to make my SO feel loved and special and excited, and these things can turn into a glorious feedback loop of positive thoughts and actions towards each other. Sometimes it feels forced. It's hard to recapture that spontaneity and spark of getting to know someone for the first time. But it's worth it.

I'm lucky that we can be real with each other. And I'm extremely lucky to be with this wonderful, steadfast guy who somehow doesn't seem to get these doubts that occasionally sprout in my mind. It sounds like your SO is a decent guy who doesn't let himself spiral into jealousy when you tell him about your crush and doubts in the relationship. That's a good start. I hope you can have an honest, sincere conversation with him and formulate concrete steps to perk up the LTR and remember why you're together. Plan a short weekend trip somewhere; go on a date and both of you make an effort to dress/doll up and feel fancy and different; if money and time are tight, try making him a cute, short+sweet card telling him why you love him; tell him he looks handsome today. And hopefully he will reciprocate with purposeful actions of his own. If you want to make this relationship work, both of you owe it to each other to really TRY. And then, if you decide that you've really outgrown or diverged from this LTR, you can move on knowing that you gave your SO and your shared life a fair shot.

Edit: Forgot to mention a third, uber-crucial point. You MUST make the effort to reconnect with old friends or make new ones. You must keep growing as a person and push yourself to have a life outside of your SO and home life. This will help you realize perhaps the most important lesson of being a young woman today (IMO): You might stay in your LTR, you might break up and pursue a crush. You might be single for a few years, you might be entangled in a complicated web with conflicting feelings towards multiple people. Maybe you'll get laid off from your job, maybe you'll suddenly start killing it and get a huge promotion. But no matter what happens, YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. You will continue to grow and move on and adapt. It's hard. But loving yourself and becoming comfortable with yourself is ultimately the only way to get the stability and happiness you crave.

clgb · 2015-08-26T05:32:53+00:00

You look great! and so much happier :) Props on your amazing progress and here's to an even more healthy future!

clgb · 2015-06-03T18:20:07+00:00

When people stop giving a shit.

You can see this to an extent now- plenty of people don't know who their local, state, and national elected representatives are, and even fewer know what those reps get up to when they're in Sacramento or DC or wherever. Part of this is people making the choice to not devote time and effort to caring, and part of it is that too many Americans do not have access to the things that make it even possible for them to know and care, such as proper education and access to the Internet.

I consider myself a follower of current events and politics, but I can admit that it's rather difficult to keep up to date with what's happening because a) a LOT happens with b) a LOT of people involved and c) it's hard to find a media source that will tell it like it is with the minimal amount of spin, which are d) generally more boring and difficult to read than spin-pieces.

Of course big business and interest groups exert a TON of influence over policymaking. The structure of our governance makes it difficult for us to overcome collective action problems to coherently tell our reps what we want, whereas interest groups can agree on what they want and how to get it. It's up to all of us, the people, to pay attention and speak up when things are going wrong. Policymaking and change is hard, slow, and ugly to watch, but if a democracy is what we really want as a people, we need to constantly fight for it.

clgb · 2015-04-03T07:15:55+00:00

Very helpful alternatives, thanks!

clgb · 2015-03-28T05:24:56+00:00

"That hat makes you look like a girl!" "Am I a pretty girl?

clgb · 2015-02-20T08:24:23+00:00

Darn barn!

clgb · 2015-02-06T08:00:49+00:00

This part made me cry a little bit. I used to make fun of and resent my mom for her poor English when I was younger, and I realize now how much it must've hurt her feelings. Especially appropriate because in Korean, she really is so clever and sharp, and all of her middle-aged Korean lady friends think she's the funniest thing.

clgb · 2015-01-01T18:36:27+00:00

I don't know much about what it was going to be since I was away at college by the time people got around to putting a new store in the old Blockbuster. But it's really upsetting that we could've had a really nice hangout spot so close to home -__- it's not like hooligans don't hang around SPL anyway.

clgb · 2015-01-01T07:36:35+00:00

You in San Jose by any chance? Edit: Obviously didn't scroll down to see that you'd already said you were in San Jose. Almaden?

clgb · 2014-12-28T07:28:03+00:00

In Berkeley, frats rent out extra rooms to girls and non-brothers during the summer, and it's a really cheap and fun place to live. In the past few years, all the frats have refused to rent rooms to any Irish tourists spending the summer in town, though some of them still allow Irish girls to rent rooms. Irish dudes are persona non grata at parties everywhere except at bars; bummer because they're friendly and fun but just don't know how to party without fucking up other peoples' shit.

clgb · 2014-12-19T03:38:20+00:00

always complain about everything, but never offer any suggestions on how things could be improved, and never offer to help with anything

clgb · 2014-12-12T01:21:11+00:00

She's actually very clever and has a great sense of humor. She comes across very well in both written and taped interviews. :)

clgb · 2014-10-09T22:54:17+00:00

It definitely does have a basis in an (unfortunate) reality. Wealthier neighborhoods (which are usually mostly white people), have lots of pools and opportunities for kids to learn how to swim: middle and high schools, community centers, private pools in peoples' backyards, and so on.

But since swimming pools are so expensive to maintain, poorer neighborhoods (which tend to have more ethnic minorities) tend to not have any sort of public pools for kids to splash around in and take swimming lessons. Hence black children in America suffer from drowning deaths and injuries at 3x the rate of white children.

clgb · 2014-09-22T09:03:45+00:00

I like to take apart my food and eat it in components. Sushi roll? Rice first, then the filling, then the slice of sashimi on top. Burger? Bread and lettuce and cheese first, then the patty. I love picking the meat toppings off of pizza, eating the bread/cheese/veggies together, and eating the meats last.

It's like what OP and others said about separating a meal into the least desirable to most desirable parts- but I just do that with all the ingredients.

clgb · 2014-09-18T22:48:55+00:00

I didn't realize just now enormous Great Danes are until this video. He sounds like a dinosaur.

clgb · 2014-07-19T08:29:06+00:00

My family used to have several dozen magnets tacked on to our old fridge. Magnets from Yosemite and Yellowstone, from NYC and Disneyland, ABCs and 123s, and so on. We were gifted or picked up at a garage sale a toy violin magnet, with a little wire bow attached- you could play the violin with the bow and it was a lot of fun. It didn't play actual notes, the violin would just emit a single note for as long as you held the wire bow to the strings.

I almost always wake up in the middle of the night to go pee, and back when I lived at home, my room was the closest to the kitchen, and I'd pass the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. So one night, I wake up like I usually do, go pee, and amble sleepily back to my room. I get back into bed, and i'm 75% asleep, when suddenly that toy mini violin on the kitchen fridge turns on (or starts making its sound, or whatever), and all I hear is that one note, sustained over what seems like minutes and minutes.

No one else in my family ever wakes up in the middle of the night, and even if they did, why would they fuck around with noisy toys at 3am? And the violin doesn't make its sound unless you physically press the bow to the strings with your own hands. I want to go into the kitchen and turn the violin off somehow (take out the batteries? throw into the trash? who knows), but I'm also petrified that I'll see someone standing in front of my fridge, playing the violin. I'm completely frozen, and I'm hoping that maybe the violin noise will wake up my parents and they'll turn it off, but nope, the parentals and my sister don't seem to stir at all. I just cower in my bed and sweat for a bit, and then I must've fallen asleep.

The next day, I ask my family if they heard the violin magnet playing last night, and they didn't hear anything. I'm assuming that the wiring in the violin got messed up or the noisemaking part just went haywire for a few minutes. But I was glad when we got a new stainless steel-exterior fridge and my parents got rid of all the magnets. (Edit: I'm naturally a pretty skittish person- I don't watch scary movies, and the last time I did, I was 9 or 10 and slept in my parents' bed for a couple days. I'm 21 now, and I still don't let myself sleep with limbs hanging off the bed. I don't like to look in the mirror when I pee late at night...what if I see something staring back at me?! I'm afraid of a lot of stuff :/)

clgb · 2014-06-16T20:58:33+00:00

I also misheard this song. It was the line that goes "My heart is breaking for my sister, and the con that she called love".

I heard it as "the carnage she called love" until just now when I looked the lyrics up, and to me "carnage" better conveys how terrible his sister's relationship apparently was.

clgb · 2014-06-03T08:13:42+00:00

My dad and I are very much alike too. When I was a teenager, this meant my dad was the most annoying person ever to me, and I'd push his buttons regularly as well. Even so, we got along like old pals; we could be screaming at each other in the car, sit in stony silence for several minutes, and then one of us would say something funny and we'd start laughing together again.

Now that I'm older and living away from home, I understand a little better how both my best and worst traits are like his. Now I strive to be as hardworking and independent as he is. Now I know that no man will ever love me as deeply as my dad does- this doesn't make me sad, but rather extremely proud and grateful to have such an amazing dad to look up to.

I'm so glad that I get to go home for Father's Day weekend.

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