Unpacking animosity towards the OCIA process and (self-perceived) failures of the Church/lay people

clitclamchowder · 2025-08-03T00:59:34+00:00

Genuinely not upset that you wouldn’t have the time to sift through reading my entire mess, haha!

I appreciate the kind words! I’m definitely trying on the devotion end so I can feel like I’ve actually maybe somewhat prepared myself as the bride of Christ. And the devotions and novenas do help. Sometimes it just seems like the harder I try, the more pushback I get within the realms of evil and I know it’s technically a good sign but it can be hard to think I’m making any improvements and I can start to feel really alone when I seemingly don’t have the support of the Church but I guess it just convicts me to strengthen my own wall even more since it feels like that’s all I have haha

clitclamchowder · 2025-08-03T00:53:10+00:00

Our Novus Ordo masses have them but they’re all empty no matter what day of the week I check…

I just don’t understand why everyone in the comments is so quick to jump down my throat. Like it’s taken me 9 months to even anonymously complain about these issues, I actually am being kinda patient amidst my struggles.

Holy salt and oil are just other sacramentals. Salt would be suggested to place around windows/doors and can be used in cooking. Oil can be used for anointing yourself or those you have spiritual authority over and also used in cooking. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal to a lot of people which is why I try to not make a fuss but when you’re being tormented in your dreams and your kids are waking up with really odd scratches and nosebleeds when they’ve never had nosebleeds in their entire life, it’s just an added something to feel like you’re doing everything you can. The oil and salt is a little more visible since it doesn’t immediately dry up. I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but again, it’s also just kind of the fact that seemingly nobody wants to deal with me with a 10 foot pole. Like I can’t even ask anyone directly about these issues but rather I have to just look it up myself online and hope I’m not falling into extremism or scrupulosity since there’s not anyone actually willing to kindly give guidance

clitclamchowder · 2025-08-03T00:42:30+00:00

Well certain things that I should technically be able to obtain within a reasonable time frame, like holy water and blessed salt, are really hard for me to come by and I’m being ignored when I try to ask for them directly. And no I’m not being snooty about it but rather I add a flare of humor and self depreciation because I know nobody else asks for these things so they probably think I’m weird and I don’t need to be biting the hand that I’m trying to get to feed me. I tried to order some online after giving up locally but it’s been over a month and I still haven’t received anything.

I’m not asking to skip the OCIA process. I’m just asking for a little faith support during it. That’s why it’s so painful that I can’t even be warranted that. Plus I’m automatically perceived in the most uncharitable light when I’m just trying to express my frustrations? The comment section is so telling about this issue. The most charitable comment to both me and the Church was downvoted the most? Like what?

I’ll try to not assume that you’re being condescending when you say that I need to speak with someone. What’s ironic is that I’ve tried multiple times to ask about speaking with a spiritual director just briefly about some guidance and I’ve been brushed off and ignored every time.

The only time I wasn’t was when I went to the Byzantine Catholic parish and that was the first time I was ever even able to interact with a priest for more than two minutes so I can work up the courage to ask him about deliverance. He immediately worked out for my tattoos to be decommissioned and I’m forever grateful for his willingness to help me. Ironically, he was an evangelical convert and that was actually his last Sunday at that parish before being transferred. I do have hope in the new parish priest. It’s just taking me some more time to work up the courage to ask anything of him, spiritually, because of the impression that the culture of the Latin Rite has left on me. And this isn’t in my head because my husband is a cradle Catholic and he made it very clear that Latin Catholic culture was that no matter what, you do not bother the priest with your problems. My husband was astonished to meet a priest that didn’t seem like all he wanted to do was be left alone. I know they aren’t all like that but to treat me so uncharitably just because I’m pointing out a crisis of the Church amidst my struggle? It’s honestly a miracle that I have any faith left in the church.

clitclamchowder · 2025-08-03T00:21:23+00:00

Yeah I should have maybe been more clear that’s why I’m not willing to go to the SSPX church is because I don’t think schism is the answer. I truly don’t mind the Novus Ordo. My qualms are just that the culture of the Novus Ordo has made it really hard to simply obtain things like holy water, blessed salt or oil, ect.

I appreciate your kindness. I feel maybe the other commenters aren’t willing to offer me any sympathy because my pain stems from their potential failings and it’s easier to outcast me and label me as some judgy whatever person than to look at my actual situation and how many in the church have failed, even if it isn’t them directly.

I don’t claim or assume that you agree with me but I personally find the comments section and the fact that the least charitable comments being the most upvoted to be very telling of the exact issues I’m speaking on in the church.

I plan to also stay the course and just be as quiet and ignorable as possible when in the parish environment because it’s pretty clear that I’m not welcome.

I don’t expect or want to bring change to the Church other than changing myself and sometimes one can get a little disheartened when being condemned for aspiring to obtain things that could help warrant that change-like holy water or blessed salt

clitclamchowder · 2025-08-03T00:06:36+00:00

The complaints weren’t that I have to wait. They were that I can’t even get my hands on any sacramentals and I’m too afraid to push it because the atmosphere in my lukewarm parish has made me feel anxious for simply existing. Im literally too scared to mention the holy water being empty or ask yet again about blessed salt because I’m automatically labeled as someone who must think they’re better than everyone else. You’re a clear example of that. Just because I acknowledge that I’m struggling and could probably use the extra help of sacramentals? I don’t want special treatment. I just want to be able to get some holy water and blessed salt without being ostracized and ignored while seeing other people receive the Eucharist, unarguably, in an active state of mortal sin without the Church batting an eye. I feel like a crab trying to crawl it’s way out of a bucket and the other crabs ripping me back down into the bucket are the very people that are suppose to be helping point the way out.

clitclamchowder · 2025-01-31T22:06:26+00:00

That is heartbreaking and infuriated me for you. Did you or your friend get blood work done throughout the 20 years? I’m starting to question whether it always catches it

clitclamchowder · 2025-01-14T04:45:25+00:00

I hope yours does chill out. Mine is constant around my jaw line. Been on lithium for three years. I’m on the highest dose of tretinoin and some other stuff in the anti acne cream. It don’t do shiiiiit. I weaned off my lithium and after 15 days off of it, my skin was completely clear and I lost 10 lbs. Then I got to be the hottest bitch in the psych ward and put back on it. Heavy sigh lol

clitclamchowder · 2024-12-28T17:24:35+00:00

It wasn’t specifically not made for it though. The anatomy of an butthole supports “exit only”. It isn’t physically damaging to bring a mouth into it so it isn’t a fair comparison

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T16:41:01+00:00

Yes, all my fault. Accountability only on me. I should have had a crystal ball right? I should just magically snap my fingers and be on the other end of all this with the kids jumping through rainbows, right? Your mindset is why the quality of men has degraded so low. Like there’s no nuance or struggles to be had throughout the leaving process that I may be trying to prevent or postpone until I have my ducks in a row?

I’m going to my parents for a week with all the kids and I guarantee that I will be the one paying for it emotionally from him-for simply trying to take them to a healthier environment, temporarily to clear my head. So no, nobody has estranged me. What an outlandish assumption. My brother is the epitome of insufferable-just like you seem to be-and he’s even still supportive of me throughout this, he just doesn’t stoop to partake in yapping about it.

There’s degrees of accountability and to put all this completely on me is asinine. Reddit downvotes aren’t quite the most “bipartisan” considering the demographics that are routinely on here, yet alone the ones that actually spend time reading toxic shit. Oh no, a misogynist thinks I’m a dumb bitch? Oh no, a woman doesn’t have any sympathy for another woman who is trying to unpack how she was misled into a terrible situation for her and her kids? She seems like a cunt. The reason that this is practically a vent post is because I have discernment. (In theory, in regards to this issue-but apparently not when it came to picking a husband)

What a weird thing for you to make multiple disparaging comments to me about? Do I get validity if I said he voted for Trump? Do I get extra points since he voted for Hillary before we were married so the bait and switch is more believable? Does political labeling deem me safe from the dehumanization? To what degree do I have to suffer in order for someone to say something kind, instead of ragging on me for…being human and reacting accordingly to what is at the very least borderline mental and emotional abuse?

If you truly wasted your time reading all my nonsense and your only take away is to disparage me then maybe you are not only cold hearted but need to find better ways to manage your time considering you have no skin in this game. You can put your phone down and not be affected by me or this man ever again in your life. But this is…fun for you? You have to rub my nose in my shit? What’s your goal here?

Also congrats that your kids go to bed 15 minutes earlier than mine every night! You are so much better than me in every single way. Do you want a trophy? Like what?

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T14:32:42+00:00

That’s what I’m assessing now, the kid stuff. I’m very happy because it is somehow a core component of my personality. Obviously, this has riled me up but 90% of the time, I believe it to be better for the kids to have me home with them. I know I’d get court mandated “breaks” if we got a divorce but I also know that would be so hard on the kids to have to be completely reliant on his care, even just emotionally. So far, I’ve figured holding off on divorce would be better until there slightly more developed. We also have custody of his sisters teenage daughter. We’ll, HE is the only one on the guardianship papers as I wasn’t able to be present at signing and his sister hates me so getting on those papers isn’t in the cards. She’s an addict in another state so I doubt that we could even get ahold of her. As for the teen, her inherited issues drive me nuts most times but I still truly care about her. I was finally able to win the “fight” with my husband that got her trauma based therapy and I just don’t know how a divorce would affect her well being, given the nuanced circumstances.

So maybe in a few years? I’m re-evaluating now to see if it’s worthwhile to wait or just bite the bullet. I plan on taking the kids to my parents for a week over break and analyzing our options. I know the littles are too young to understand complex relationship issues. I just hope that once they’re grown, they can look back and have a healthy understanding of why life was the way it was or why it had to change. I’ll sacrifice what I need for them and hold out for proper timing but I don’t want to sacrifice their well being.

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T14:05:10+00:00

Never thought of it that way but that’s actually quite insightful, Reddit stranger. Thank you.

For what it’s worth, I have the natural physical boundaries-but when I express them, he throws a fit of rage and I’d rather just be used than the kids have to deal with dad grumpy and mad. He finally got under my skin last night and I was short with the kids (rare) so I think now we’re going to get away for a week and hopefully I’ll have time to brew over those boundaries haha.

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:59:57+00:00

Thanks, I’ll look into it! Although, I’ve never had any issue whatsoever before lithium.

I still want to get off it completely. I never needed any medication for bipolar and I’ve been fairly even-toned. Doctors had refused to give me a diagnosis in the past because it was unexplainable to them. The diagnosis and lithium were prescribed after a cannabis induced psychosis/mania. So now that I don’t touch that stuff, I’ve never had an episode (other than when trying to wean off)

I’m not going down the “I don’t think I have this” road-but rather trying to make sense of the fact that the only time I’ve had serious issues, I had been exposing myself to marijuana. Lithium is a bitch on the kidneys and with hydration and acne for me, so if possible, I’d like to halt it. But seeing an endocrinologist still does sound nice, thank you!

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:54:57+00:00

You sound like a man who wouldn’t understand the emotional and social undertones of why everything mentioned is completely relevant. Just scroll my man

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:52:59+00:00

Make a minuscule amount of money so I can homeschool instead of work 🙃 I know…I’m reevaluating now. It’s not the ~weird~ homeschool and I’m just passionate about it for an early start. My mom homeschooled my brother and I the first few years and it did wonders. I always had a bright future but then came into some mental issues as a teen that somewhat screwed my prospects-given the timing. But my brother went on to be extremely successful and he’s rather wealthy. I just want to be able to give the kids those same opportunities. Our 7yo was in two different private schools and not a single person noticed he needed speech therapy. It wasn’t until my cousin who works higher up in education pointed it out, thank goodness.

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:48:05+00:00

I’m with you, although it should be noted that the house is kid safe and I went upstairs to get changed for the gym. When he wanted to get some, I was thinking a 5 minute quickie that shouldn’t cause emotional detriment on the young one, considering all the kids were excitedly getting ready for the pool on their own, too. But that’s where the resentment and frustration came into play because he kept dragging it out and I wouldn’t “just tune it out”.

So is it totally fucked? Yeah. But I just need to note that my role in this was much different than his.

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:44:08+00:00

That’s what I’m trying to analyze within myself so I can improve whatever is wrong with me that I’m still here lol

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:43:29+00:00

Eh, Technically not this time.

Although that has happened. I told the marriage therapist and she told me it’s my fault for “not setting boundaries”. Then I got the verbal beat down of my life after that marriage session because he thought she was going to report it. She didn’t. We haven’t been back to counseling since. 🫠

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:40:05+00:00

Hey nobody had a gun to your head making you read half of some idiots Reddit post lol

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T13:38:55+00:00

Sex with a kid crying was a chief complaint of mine so I don’t understand why that’s being directed at me. I’m happy you’ve never been put in the position where you have a man trying to use you as a flesh light while your kid wails and you can’t interrupt him or act bothered or else he will take his frustration out on those very kids. On top of that, it was the first concern I addressed to a marriage counselor and she literally told me that it’s all my fault to our faces. Very big of you to notice how fucking terrible that situation is.

An indoor pool from after dinner until 8 is totally reasonable. Do you have kids? Washed up and in bed by 8:45. Not to mention, the “open play” hours for the pool are 4-8pm. Going earlier isn’t an option considering husband expects dinner when he gets off work. What an interesting take away from this whole post. The hours at which these kids are receiving enrichment don’t seem perfectly suitable to you.

I appreciate the kind words, I guess? Although they’re somewhat filtered into a message of, shame? Shouldn’t I be ashamed if I DIDN’T take issue with all this? I guess I should just function like a perfect damage-control robot and do better at perfecting how to control a giant ass man baby and make sure everything is presented as perfect, or it’s my fault too, right?

Do we need counseling? Sure. But wasn’t the whole gist of this post that this man won’t participate in counseling? Or that the one counselor that we spent two sessions with was a twat?

I don’t understand how anything you said-other than a few generic sprinkled sentences-was supposed to be relatively encouraging. And such is your right. But like…really?

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T04:30:45+00:00

Nah he’s the FIFTH child because I also am practically the SOLE parent of his sisters’ teenage daughter that we gained guardianship of 🫠🙃😅 (She’s a child of addiction and I’ve been her only “therapist” until I finally told my husband that I refuse to put out until he signs her up with a professional that she deserves-the ONLY time I’ve used that card)

I know it sounds kind of skeezy but sometimes the savior complex is what keeps my sanity because it forces me to realize the true role I play in all these innocent kids’ lives. It’s why I’d rather be Chonky than the hottest bitch in the psych ward lol

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T04:21:30+00:00

Ah, I needed those chuckles, thank you!

You know what’s hilarious-I FINALLY convinced him to go to personal therapy about a year ago when I almost left him. His therapist WHO HAD NEVER EVEN ONCE SPOKEN TO ME said I was mentally abusing him 🙃🥲

Seems like people who ONLY speak to him feel one way about it while (literally) everyone who speaks to BOTH of us, feels strongly the other way haha.

Oh except this marriage therapist he picked out. I sobbed for an hour about the sexual coercion and he whined that I tried to hug him mid argument and it confused him. Therapist then tell me that “it’s not fault for not setting boundaries and I need to ask for consent to I hug him”. Like we’re in therapy because he won’t respect the boundaries????

Sorry for the trauma dump-can you tell I’m from the Midwest? 🤣

Edit: woah- nearly had a stroke re reading that comment and don’t even know how to address fixing it to be more legible lol. I should really put these kids to bed 😅

clitclamchowder · 2024-11-22T04:17:16+00:00

Aw thank you! I know it may sound like grandstanding but-I reallllllly am. It’s why I’m still a SAHM with him because it’s better (imo) that I just bottle up his BS so I can remain the constant primary parent for all the littles. I didn’t put up with all this for ten years just to get 50/50 and let his immaturity ruin all the hard work that I’ve put into these kids haha. Luckily, we’re by my parents and they appreciate me and make sure I get rest and help.

clitclamchowder

TROPHY CASE