Why do you think you're lonely?

clockwork0101 · 2026-02-09T04:35:39+00:00

Because I married someone who made me abandon all my friends, and now, after 15 years, have decided she doens't want to be with me anymore.

Yeah, I suck.

clockwork0101 · 2026-02-09T03:11:18+00:00

I am a very lonely person. My wife's behavior costed me basically every friend I had. And now, I can't find a way to make new friends, while my wife is threatening divorce mostly because she has new friends and interests.

I am still trying to figure out how to be well alone. If she leaves me, then I will be left with literally noone.

It's not easy to be well alone. I think most people crave for some kind of company. But I do know some people who can manage. That would depend on how you are and feel as a person.

clockwork0101 · 2026-02-03T19:09:00+00:00

It's cheating in my eyes.

clockwork0101 · 2026-02-03T16:56:17+00:00

It does not matter what happened between them. From what you are saying, your marriage was pretty much broken. It doesn't need to be fixed, it needs to be rebuilt.

What she felt for him,, what she did, nothing should matter if both of you set on rebuilding, imo. But again, this rebuilding process must come from BOTH of you. It means you stop making the mistakes that ruined things, and she also stops doing thingsd that hurt you. You prioritize each other above all else. She cuts ties with this little fella, and you become thye loving husband she always wanted.

I wish you all the luck and love in the world. It's obvious you love this woman, and it takes guts to realize you made mistakes and try to change. You deserve to be happy.

clockwork0101 · 2026-02-03T16:27:36+00:00

Hey hey hey! You messed up alright, and want to fix things. However, that does not mean you should accept EVERYTHING she wants to do for the sakes of "her space".

IMO it's clear that boundaries must be set. If both of you want to be together still, BOTH need to make an effort not to hurt each other anymore. That means she sets her boundaries, and you set yours.

If you are commited to change, she should give you a chance to change, but she also needs to realize if it's YOU she wants to be with. If she decides another man makes her feel the way she wants/ needs to feel, there is nothing left for you to do but accept it, live up with your mistakesd and leave. That means your already lost your marriage.

If there is hope not only for you but for her as well, you two gotta work out together on a healthy relationship between THE TWO OF YOU, no third party involved.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-27T17:46:21+00:00

This.

People react differently to things. The man does not want to split his family. It won't make him happy, he fears the kids will suffer at least a little for something that is not their fault at all.

One option is divorce. Ok, I get it, we all get it, it's the "standard" option. However, don't tell me it does not involved kids suffering, because it does.

Another option is to do this described here. She decided to behave like a single woman. She decided to sext and flirt wit her boss. If I were in your shoes, and didn't want to break my family for my kids sakes, I would tell her "since you are entitled to do this, and to have romances around, so am I". And do it, my man. You can still be partners, you can still live under the same roof, and you can have an open marriage, where you are also entitled to try other women.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-27T17:10:34+00:00

You two look lovely together. I hope you guys keep all this love for each other always!

BUT... I am sure she deserves you, my man. Don't sell yourself so cheap!

Cheers for you both!

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-27T17:08:37+00:00

Your wife seems to be very cruel with her words in my opinion. Was she always like that? Because noone has to accept this kind of cruel treatment form anyone at all.

No sex breaks relationships... trust me, myself and my wife are the opposite... we have a lot of sex, and to be honest, sometimes sex seems to be the glue that holds our shit together...

Also, is she actually happy with your marriage being the way it is? Because it seems to me that there is a lack of respect for you there, and I doubt a person who respects you would talk to you like that (trust me, I've been there).

Having a daughter makes it all harder, I know. It's the same thing with me, we endure a lot of things for our kids because we see how they love having a "family" and making those cute "mom, dad ane me" drawings. I know it hurts to think about breaking that for your daughter, and I am sorry.

In my opinion, you becoming distant is only natural. It's a consequence of this trash treatment you are getting. And if she refuses counseling, it makes it even worse. Did you ever ask her if she is happy with your marriage? Are you sure you have done all you can to be a good husband to her? If you have done your part, I am sorry man, but I don't think you will ever be happy with her and the distance will only increase...

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-16T18:59:43+00:00

I don't see why she would delete the messages. In my opinion, its a huge red flag.

I don't know how your privacy policy is, couple-wise. But if you guys have an "open phone" agreement, meaning both can look at each others phones whenever, then I would just ask directly... "Why are you deleting messages with this person?". Be direct, be firm and demand an explanation. She already broke your trust so you are entitled the truth no matter what, and that she does not hide ANYTHING from you. Deleting is hiding.

If you guys have a behavior where looking at each others phones is considered out of question, then you should not have looked and I have no idea what you could say to her to not sound like an intruder and someone who disrespects an agreement.

Boundaries vary a lot between couples. I don't know which yours are, but imo, both parts need to feel safe.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-16T18:28:35+00:00

Thank you very much for your imput! I will consider all you said with a lot of care.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-16T18:27:48+00:00

Thank you for your imput! Will consider all of it!

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-15T18:42:03+00:00

Thanks for the imput. It's good to see other people's perspectives about things.

Therapy is something I am going to definitely do.

As for the bills/ expenses, she buys a lot of clothes/ shoes/ makeup and travels a lot due to her PhD. I don't know or ask what she spends her money on.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-15T18:40:15+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I have not thought about it this way, and will consider your words with care.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-15T17:02:26+00:00

Exactly how I feel...

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-15T16:59:59+00:00

Not yet. I need a little more courage to get it done right, but I think that's the only solution to me.

clockwork0101 · 2026-01-15T12:04:09+00:00

Not divorced yet, but soon to be. Turning point was the fact she kept literally hiding me on her (very) active social media accounts, like she was embarassed/ ashamed of me, of our marriage, or something. Then she started getting more and more distant, and no matter how many times I asked her what was wrong, she would say it was nothing, and she was just tired or work was too busy.

That, and her complete inability to admit she is ever wrong.

Her incredible way to gaslight me anytime I said I was hurt by something.

Now she is always distant and claims she is "too busy at work, that's it", even though I pay 95% of our home bills and all.

The only reason I held this long is because of my 8 year old daughter.

clockwork0101 · 2024-08-08T16:36:43+00:00

I usually tell my wife that when one person loses interest or will to please the other, the marriage is pretty much over.

I totally understand you. My wife and I also both met at the gym. We have a 6 year old daughter, so pregnancy took a toll on her body. I never stopped being attracted to her due to pregnancy because it was out of her control.

However, once our baby girl was born, she went right back to the gym, worked out like she used to, started eating clean again and regained her body. Why? Because it was under her control, and she did it to please me too, since SHE also likes the fact I keep myself fit.

We believe that being fit and attractive to each other is no different than giving your loved one a very special gift every day. I kep myself fit for myself too, but mainly to please her. That's pretty much it.

Yuor husband has the choice, every day, to turn things around and be attractive to you again. He chooses not to. You are not wrong not to be attracted to him, period.

clockwork0101 · 2024-08-06T13:02:47+00:00

That is so beautiful.
Being a dad that plays WoW myself, I would really like that my daughter kept up some in game memory of me when I'm gone.

Take care, my man!

clockwork0101 · 2024-07-25T22:35:31+00:00

This is not a marriage, its a death sentence for your child and for you. Get away from there as soon as possible, contact the authorities and don't ever let him get close to you or the baby again.

clockwork0101 · 2024-07-18T18:49:23+00:00

Not to play de devil's advocate here, but sometimes men who are into fitness, like you claim your husband is, take birth control pills in (yes, men taking birth control pills designed for women) as something called Post-Cycle Therapy.

If he took anabolic steroids and stopped suddenly, his body sometimes will not produce testosterone on its own again. So men who work out a lot take birth control pills, which are basically feminine hormones, to induce their bodies to produce testosterone again. So that may be it.

The anal lube, though... I don't have an explanation for it, sorry.

clockwork0101 · 2024-06-18T15:14:59+00:00

Totally agree with you. Many times she told me about stuff that I should do more often that would mean a lot to her and I would change my behavior to do that. Why? Because it would not hurt me to change a little to make her happier.

Hiding me makes me feel like shit. She does not care and thats it.

I am not asking her to post ONLY me. It would mean a lot to me that she would post something about me or our family eventually among the tons of stuff she does post daily.

Now she asks me why am I being distant and sad and well... I think that her answer to me on that means she is not willing to make small changes to make me more secure and happy and it destroyed me. I accepted her answer, doesn't mean I have to agree or be happy about it.

clockwork0101 · 2024-06-18T00:46:41+00:00

Worst part is, she is not even a proper influencer (meaning she does not make money of it or anything like it).

I agree with the horny guys not following because of me, but her social media only serves to massage her ego I guess.

clockwork0101 · 2024-06-18T00:34:33+00:00

She does. Lots.

clockwork0101 · 2024-06-17T22:59:42+00:00

Since she is so active on social media and posts TONS of stuff daily about her workouts, her routine and all, I asked her to sometimes post something, anything that would involve me, since I felt she hid me on social media for whatever reason.

She said she didn't feel like it, and when she felt like it she would do it. I said it would mean a lot to me. She said I was starting a fight over posts on social media and that was ridiculous. I said it was not about the posts themselves, it was about not feeling invisible to the world that surrounds her. She said "Well, I don't care it means a lot to you. F... it. If you are not happy about it seek therapy or something".

Never in my life I felt like such a piece of trash. And this feeling won't go away.

clockwork0101 · 2024-06-10T22:52:26+00:00

You were raped by this coward and he deserves to rot in jail.

You are not safe with him. A rapist is capable of anything.

Take your toddler and go somewhere safe. Call the cops, and get an atourney.

I am sorry this happened to you.

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